The Gospel according to Justin Bieber
By Eric Marrapodi, CNN Belief Blog Co-Editor
(CNN) – Justin Bieber is one of the world's most famous pop stars but is also decidedly more Jesusy than his day job might lead some to believe.
When the young Canadian-born singer burst onto the scene, he was discovered in part by singing Christian songs on YouTube. But that is just the beginning of Bieber's faith journey, spelled out in a new book on the young star.
Cathleen Falsani sarcastically self-proclaims she is the "pre-eminent Justin Bieber scholar in North America."
Falsani has penned "Belieber! Fame, Faith, and the Heart of Justin Bieber," a book exploring the faith life of the tween sensation.
An award-winning religion journalist and a nationally syndicated columnist on the God beat, Falsani came to writing about Bieber almost accidentally.
"I was aware of who he was as a cultural figure. I was aware that he existed, that he was young, cute as a button and Canadian and that his music wasn't something that I generally listened to," she said.
She stumbled across an interview Bieber did with Rolling Stone magazine in which he talked about God. "I was like, 'OK, this is interesting. Let's see if this is any different than all of the other young 'Christian' pop stars or actors.' "
She was intrigued by the "tone and tenor" of what the young teen had to say about his faith, so she dug deeper. Her young adopted son Vasco was talking about Bieber at the time, and a friend told her she ought to write a book on "the Gospel according to Justin Bieber."
What she found was a compelling story of a young man born to an 18-year-old single woman who lost and then found her faith and her way back to church.
Falsani details how Bieber's mother, Patricia Mallette, openly shared her struggles with drugs, alcohol and a suicide attempt before she gave birth to Justin.
Mallette's faith journey took her to Jubilee Christian Fellowship, a nondenominational church in Stratford, Ontario. The church mirrors many charismatic churches in the United States with an emphasis on prayer and spiritual gifts.
"I would call it a charismatic or a Pentecostal church. The iteration of that looks a little different in Canada than it does (in the United States). It looks like any number of our evangelical nondenominational churches, but with a lot more arms raised. Very, very prayerful," Falsani described.
Mallette joined the praise band, which led the music on Sundays. "Being young ... they used to hang out, and she would bring Justin. That's when they noticed this kid's got unbelievable rhythm. And he's 2," according to Falsani.
From there, Bieber lived the life of a normal Canadian church kid, focusing on school and sports.
Bieber kept his musical talents quiet from friends until he was 13 years old and entered a singing competition. He placed third.
His extended family was not able to come and see his performance, so he and his mom began to upload videos onto YouTube so the rest of the family could see him singing. Some of his tunes were Christian worship songs and others secular pop tunes.
The videos hit in a big way.
Falsani explained that Justin's mom thought, "If God had a plan for Justin to be to a music artist, then surely it would be in the Christian industry, and God would send them a nice Christian manager. Suddenly, this 25-year-old Jewish kid from Connecticut called."
In 2007, Scott "Scooter" Brown discovered Bieber.
His career took off. The family moved to the United States, and Bieber began palling around with music icons.
The haircut, the honey-dripped voice and the screaming tweens are the stuff pop legends are made of. Today, Bieber is a multimillionaire and an industry all to his own, but Falsani details in the book how he and his mother have maintained their faith.
Sprinkled heavily through "Belieber!" are tweets from Bieber and his mom talking about faith, quoting scripture and sharing a simple Christian narrative that God loves people.
Bieber explained his approach to Rolling Stone in February: "I feel I have an obligation to plant little seeds with my fans. I'm not going to tell them, 'You need Jesus,' but I will say at the end of my show, 'God loves you.' "
He does not take complicated theological soapbox stands. In February, he drew a lot of attention for articulating his opposition to abortion in a Rolling Stone article, but he was quick to say it was his belief and he would not force it on anyone.
The book also uses quotes from social media sites to evidence the positive influence Bieber's faith has on his young fans. Falsani sprinkles in quotes from Bieber's core audience - tween and teenage girls - and plays to their hand with a glossy color photo spread featuring pictures of Bieber being Bieber.
Though she considers herself a fan in his shadow demographic (the moms at the concert who secretly dig and buy the music), as a mother herself, Falsani appreciates the positive role Bieber's faith has played in his young career.
"I do think this faith he has is very genuine and very much his and not his mom's or anyone else's. It's not a marketing tool," she said.
Bieber's work with charity is well-documented; he gives a portion of ticket sales to charity, among other approaches. Falsani is taking a similar role with this book, too. Part of the proceeds from her book are going towards the United Nations-backed Global Fund to Fight AIDS, Tuberculosis and Malaria.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
September 29, 2011
Today, on the drive in, I was meditating on the whole idea of fixing our minds on the things above (Colossians 3.1-4). Five results of doing this came to mind:
1. We will have joy. Doing this elevates us where we need to be, and it's joy-inducing.
2. We will have perspective. We need this in the face of discontentment and fatigue which can come.
3. We will be motivated to develop our relationship with Christ. When we see what we have in the heavenly places, we will want to know Him better.
4. We can make it through the hard times. There is nothing like eternal hope to see us through the crises.
5. We will see others in the right way. We won't see them as bothers, nuisances or interruptions. One recent newspaper report quoted a former high-level female advisor in the White House as saying that she felt like a "piece of meat".
God bless you all.
--
Danny Lynch
Christian Embassy
Cell 434.202.9176
Colossians 3: 1-4 1 "If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory."
1. We will have joy. Doing this elevates us where we need to be, and it's joy-inducing.
2. We will have perspective. We need this in the face of discontentment and fatigue which can come.
3. We will be motivated to develop our relationship with Christ. When we see what we have in the heavenly places, we will want to know Him better.
4. We can make it through the hard times. There is nothing like eternal hope to see us through the crises.
5. We will see others in the right way. We won't see them as bothers, nuisances or interruptions. One recent newspaper report quoted a former high-level female advisor in the White House as saying that she felt like a "piece of meat".
God bless you all.
--
Danny Lynch
Christian Embassy
Cell 434.202.9176
Colossians 3: 1-4 1 "If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory."
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
September 28, 2011
GUEST BIO
Dr. David Levy: Praying with Patients
By The 700 Club
PRAYER AND HEALTHCARE
Neurosurgeon Dr. David Levy wanted to bring his faith into his practice because he believed that he needed to use all the means God can use for healing – even prayer. Since he has addressed his patients’ spirituality and made prayer a part of his regular interactions with his patients, he has seen positive results. He says his patients’ lives have reached levels in their spiritual, physical, and emotional health that they never had before.
It was not always this way. Because faith and medicine are separate, Dr. Levy was concerned that he could lose the respect of his peers and his patients if he combined them. He struggled with the decision to pray for his patients, but a visit to the dentist changed that. Dr. Levy went to his dentist one day. His dentist noticed Dr. Levy was nervous and said a short prayer for him. Dr. Levy noticed that shortly after his dentist prayed he felt peace. As Dr. Levy experienced the benefit of prayer personally as a patient, it renewed his own conviction to pray for his patients.
Later, he felt like he “heard a voice” telling him to pray for one of his patients, Mrs. Jones. He was feeling terrified, but finally he asked Mrs. Jones if he could pray for her. She agreed. Dr. Levy wasn’t comfortable praying in front of anyone yet, and the nurse was still in the room. He waited until the nurse left the room, but then the anesthesiologist came in. Dr. Levy still didn’t feel comfortable, so he waited. When everyone left the room besides Mrs. Jones and her family, he asked if he could pray. Then, he said a short prayer and asked God for the skill and wisdom for the surgery. Dr. Levy says the prayer was simple, but found Mrs. Jones and the bystanders were weeping. For Dr. Levy, the prayer gave him peace and he had joy for performing the surgery that he never had before. Later, Mrs. Jones thanked Dr. Levy and said she felt peace.
Dr. Levy started to feel more comfortable praying for patients but still found that the most tormenting part was waiting for the nurse to leave. Then he felt like God was asking him what was he afraid of? Dr. Levy was afraid that they would talk about it around the hospital. Then he felt like God was telling him if he felt that way he should stop. He sensed that God was also telling him to be the person he was, and he had to be authentic even if people didn’t understand. If he believed prayer was good for patients and a sacred time and moment, then he should continue. One day, a nurse told him that most of the nurses noticed he had been praying with patients. Then she asked him if the nurses could be included during the prayer time.
THOUGHTS ON PRAYER AND MEDICINE
Dr. Levy says a lot of us want to include the spiritual aspect with the medical but are afraid. Both doctors and patients seem to realize that there is a missing component to patient care. Dr. Levy says that though spirituality is almost completely absent from medical interactions, 75% of more than a thousand physicians surveyed agree that religion and spirituality are important in helping patients cope and in giving them a positive state of mind. Studies also show that patients similarly place a high value on spirituality, especially during a time of illness. Statistics show that 50% of patients want to pray with their physician and not just a chaplain. Other studies show that on routine doctor visits patients would like to pray with their doctors. Dr. Levy says often physicians are willing to pray with patients but physicians don’t know which people want to pray. He thinks patients should ask for prayer if they want it from their doctor. Dr. Levy also says the reasons he prays are because he cares for people, he wants to bless people, and he wants to use all the tools God has given him to help heal people. Praying brings people together. He sees families unify through prayer.
One never knows how God will use prayers in someone’s life. A patient, Gloria, came to see Dr. Levy six months after her previous appointment. Her friend Gail came and Dr. Levy prayed for both of them. He didn’t really know exactly what to pray for them, but they started weeping after. Two weeks later, Gail died. Gloria later thanked Dr. Levy for having the courage to pray because Gail was able to get right with God before she died. Dr. Levy says we never know what we’re doing when we pray – it could be a part of what God is doing in someone’s life.
FORGIVENESS HEALS
Dr. Levy has found that whatever illness people have, forgiveness helps with the healing process and it has well documented health benefits. Forgiveness is also a process, but it helps people recover joy. Dr. Levy admits he has had to go through the process of forgiving his father, though his father has passed away. Through forgiving, Dr. Levy has become more loving, caring, doesn’t have an agenda, and has a heart that he didn’t have before.
A patient of Dr. Levy’s, Ron, was fairly young, large, and muscular, but had a lot of health problems – arthritis being one of them. Dr. Levy has found that many times if a young person has many health problems, the cause may be an emotional or spiritual issue. This proved to be true in Ron’s case. He had a hard time forgiving his mother. Dr. Levy told him he needed to forgive his mother. Ron prayed with Dr. Levy, and then Ron called his mother after not having contact with her for many years. She started going to church and they had a family reunion. Forgiveness proved to be good medicine because Ron recovered well from surgery. Also, he had joy and he found forgiveness in Christ as he accepted Jesus as his Savior.
DR. LEVY’S JOURNEY OF FAITH
Dr. Levy’s father was raised in a traditional Jewish family. In his ‘20s, he received a New Testament Bible and began to read it. The passage in Luke 4 where Jesus read the scriptures about healing the brokenhearted moved him. He accepted Jesus as His Savior and became a Messianic Jew. By the time Dr. Levy was growing up, the family was attending a Protestant Church. When Dr. Levy was in college, he felt that God wasn’t what he needed. He returned to his Jewish roots and wanted to be a part of Jewish culture. He didn’t want anything to do with Christianity. He also was ambitious and was studying to be a doctor. He decided to specialize in neurosurgery and he wanted to be able to perform surgery perfectly. Later, he did attain his goal. He was a successful neurosurgeon and he was able to do a technically perfect case, however, the woman he operated on died of a blood clot. This was a turning point for Dr. Levy. He was angry with his father because his father said he would be happy if he became a physician. His mother told him he needed to forgive his father. Dr. Levy did and no longer blamed him. Then Dr. Levy started reading the scriptures and had a better view of Jesus. As he grew in his faith, Dr. Levy genuinely learned to love people and have compassion for them –something he didn’t have before. This was about 12 years ago. Seven years later he wanted to bring his faith and newfound compassion into his medical practice.
Dr. David Levy: Praying with Patients
By The 700 Club
PRAYER AND HEALTHCARE
Neurosurgeon Dr. David Levy wanted to bring his faith into his practice because he believed that he needed to use all the means God can use for healing – even prayer. Since he has addressed his patients’ spirituality and made prayer a part of his regular interactions with his patients, he has seen positive results. He says his patients’ lives have reached levels in their spiritual, physical, and emotional health that they never had before.
It was not always this way. Because faith and medicine are separate, Dr. Levy was concerned that he could lose the respect of his peers and his patients if he combined them. He struggled with the decision to pray for his patients, but a visit to the dentist changed that. Dr. Levy went to his dentist one day. His dentist noticed Dr. Levy was nervous and said a short prayer for him. Dr. Levy noticed that shortly after his dentist prayed he felt peace. As Dr. Levy experienced the benefit of prayer personally as a patient, it renewed his own conviction to pray for his patients.
Later, he felt like he “heard a voice” telling him to pray for one of his patients, Mrs. Jones. He was feeling terrified, but finally he asked Mrs. Jones if he could pray for her. She agreed. Dr. Levy wasn’t comfortable praying in front of anyone yet, and the nurse was still in the room. He waited until the nurse left the room, but then the anesthesiologist came in. Dr. Levy still didn’t feel comfortable, so he waited. When everyone left the room besides Mrs. Jones and her family, he asked if he could pray. Then, he said a short prayer and asked God for the skill and wisdom for the surgery. Dr. Levy says the prayer was simple, but found Mrs. Jones and the bystanders were weeping. For Dr. Levy, the prayer gave him peace and he had joy for performing the surgery that he never had before. Later, Mrs. Jones thanked Dr. Levy and said she felt peace.
Dr. Levy started to feel more comfortable praying for patients but still found that the most tormenting part was waiting for the nurse to leave. Then he felt like God was asking him what was he afraid of? Dr. Levy was afraid that they would talk about it around the hospital. Then he felt like God was telling him if he felt that way he should stop. He sensed that God was also telling him to be the person he was, and he had to be authentic even if people didn’t understand. If he believed prayer was good for patients and a sacred time and moment, then he should continue. One day, a nurse told him that most of the nurses noticed he had been praying with patients. Then she asked him if the nurses could be included during the prayer time.
THOUGHTS ON PRAYER AND MEDICINE
Dr. Levy says a lot of us want to include the spiritual aspect with the medical but are afraid. Both doctors and patients seem to realize that there is a missing component to patient care. Dr. Levy says that though spirituality is almost completely absent from medical interactions, 75% of more than a thousand physicians surveyed agree that religion and spirituality are important in helping patients cope and in giving them a positive state of mind. Studies also show that patients similarly place a high value on spirituality, especially during a time of illness. Statistics show that 50% of patients want to pray with their physician and not just a chaplain. Other studies show that on routine doctor visits patients would like to pray with their doctors. Dr. Levy says often physicians are willing to pray with patients but physicians don’t know which people want to pray. He thinks patients should ask for prayer if they want it from their doctor. Dr. Levy also says the reasons he prays are because he cares for people, he wants to bless people, and he wants to use all the tools God has given him to help heal people. Praying brings people together. He sees families unify through prayer.
One never knows how God will use prayers in someone’s life. A patient, Gloria, came to see Dr. Levy six months after her previous appointment. Her friend Gail came and Dr. Levy prayed for both of them. He didn’t really know exactly what to pray for them, but they started weeping after. Two weeks later, Gail died. Gloria later thanked Dr. Levy for having the courage to pray because Gail was able to get right with God before she died. Dr. Levy says we never know what we’re doing when we pray – it could be a part of what God is doing in someone’s life.
FORGIVENESS HEALS
Dr. Levy has found that whatever illness people have, forgiveness helps with the healing process and it has well documented health benefits. Forgiveness is also a process, but it helps people recover joy. Dr. Levy admits he has had to go through the process of forgiving his father, though his father has passed away. Through forgiving, Dr. Levy has become more loving, caring, doesn’t have an agenda, and has a heart that he didn’t have before.
A patient of Dr. Levy’s, Ron, was fairly young, large, and muscular, but had a lot of health problems – arthritis being one of them. Dr. Levy has found that many times if a young person has many health problems, the cause may be an emotional or spiritual issue. This proved to be true in Ron’s case. He had a hard time forgiving his mother. Dr. Levy told him he needed to forgive his mother. Ron prayed with Dr. Levy, and then Ron called his mother after not having contact with her for many years. She started going to church and they had a family reunion. Forgiveness proved to be good medicine because Ron recovered well from surgery. Also, he had joy and he found forgiveness in Christ as he accepted Jesus as his Savior.
DR. LEVY’S JOURNEY OF FAITH
Dr. Levy’s father was raised in a traditional Jewish family. In his ‘20s, he received a New Testament Bible and began to read it. The passage in Luke 4 where Jesus read the scriptures about healing the brokenhearted moved him. He accepted Jesus as His Savior and became a Messianic Jew. By the time Dr. Levy was growing up, the family was attending a Protestant Church. When Dr. Levy was in college, he felt that God wasn’t what he needed. He returned to his Jewish roots and wanted to be a part of Jewish culture. He didn’t want anything to do with Christianity. He also was ambitious and was studying to be a doctor. He decided to specialize in neurosurgery and he wanted to be able to perform surgery perfectly. Later, he did attain his goal. He was a successful neurosurgeon and he was able to do a technically perfect case, however, the woman he operated on died of a blood clot. This was a turning point for Dr. Levy. He was angry with his father because his father said he would be happy if he became a physician. His mother told him he needed to forgive his father. Dr. Levy did and no longer blamed him. Then Dr. Levy started reading the scriptures and had a better view of Jesus. As he grew in his faith, Dr. Levy genuinely learned to love people and have compassion for them –something he didn’t have before. This was about 12 years ago. Seven years later he wanted to bring his faith and newfound compassion into his medical practice.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
September 27, 2011
Thinking Ahead
Life consists of choices. Every day we make hundreds of decisions. Most of these are basic choices like what foods we’ll eat, what clothes we’ll wear, and a variety of other similar things. Some decisions are simple and somewhat insignificant, while others are serious, leading to important and long-lasting consequences.
The quality of our decisions determines the quality of our lives. To have a better life, we must make better decisions. And the way to make better choices is to think ahead — to consider the results, the impact, the potential consequences of our decisions. The difference between a wise person and a foolish person is contemplation and consideration in their life choices.
The Old Testament prophet Jeremiah, reflecting on the spiritual fall of God’s people and the pain it produced, made an important observation about Judah’s bad choices:
… she gave no thought to her future … — Lamentations 1:9 (NLT)
God’s people made a major mistake. They made decisions without thinking about the end result. They never reflected on where their choices would take them. They didn’t think ahead! They didn’t consider the future destination of their decisions.
Putting our potential choices in the light of tomorrow’s consequences brings clarity to us. It makes certain decisions easier. It keeps us from a great deal of pain and problems. Think about all the things you would have done differently if you had more carefully considered the consequences. Think about the pain and problems you could have avoided with a little more foresight.
Improve the quality of your life by improving the quality of your decisions. Practice wisdom by thinking ahead!
Pastor Dale
Life consists of choices. Every day we make hundreds of decisions. Most of these are basic choices like what foods we’ll eat, what clothes we’ll wear, and a variety of other similar things. Some decisions are simple and somewhat insignificant, while others are serious, leading to important and long-lasting consequences.
The quality of our decisions determines the quality of our lives. To have a better life, we must make better decisions. And the way to make better choices is to think ahead — to consider the results, the impact, the potential consequences of our decisions. The difference between a wise person and a foolish person is contemplation and consideration in their life choices.
The Old Testament prophet Jeremiah, reflecting on the spiritual fall of God’s people and the pain it produced, made an important observation about Judah’s bad choices:
… she gave no thought to her future … — Lamentations 1:9 (NLT)
God’s people made a major mistake. They made decisions without thinking about the end result. They never reflected on where their choices would take them. They didn’t think ahead! They didn’t consider the future destination of their decisions.
Putting our potential choices in the light of tomorrow’s consequences brings clarity to us. It makes certain decisions easier. It keeps us from a great deal of pain and problems. Think about all the things you would have done differently if you had more carefully considered the consequences. Think about the pain and problems you could have avoided with a little more foresight.
Improve the quality of your life by improving the quality of your decisions. Practice wisdom by thinking ahead!
Pastor Dale
Monday, September 26, 2011
September 26, 2011
Marital Vandalism
How to keep a sneaky saboteur from damaging your closeness
Les and Leslie Parrott | posted 9/12/2008
"You're going to vacuum before they get here, right?" Leslie asked in an anxious tone as we pulled the car into the garage.
"I've got it under control," I murmured.
We each grabbed an armful of groceries and hurried into the kitchen. "I'll put away the groceries so you can get started on the vacuuming," Leslie said. The tension was rising because, in less than an hour, two couples would be at our doorstep expecting a dinner party.
"Don't forget to light the candles and turn on the music before they get here," Leslie hollered from the kitchen. I heard what she said but didn't reply as I walked into my study to look through some "urgent" mail.
Only a couple of minutes had passed, it seemed, when Leslie walked into my study and in exasperation asked: "What are you doing?"
"Reading my mail," I said, defensively and with the best look of confusion I could muster. She didn't buy my act. "Don't worry," I said, "I'll take care of the other stuff."
Leslie sighed and left the room. Five minutes later I heard the sound of the vacuum in the living room. "I'm almost done here and then I'll go in and help," I said to myself. Ten minutes later the vacuum stopped. I bolted from my chair and walked to the living room.
"I thought I was going to do this," I said to Leslie.
"So did I," she replied.
We've all weaseled our way out of our spouse's "to do" list at one time or another. After all, we've worked hard, we're tired, busy, preoccupied, maxed-out, whatever. There are a dozen reasons we use to justify one of the deadliest saboteurs of a healthy marriage: subtle selfishness. It lurks just beneath the surface whenever we are tired and there's a chore to be done or an errand to be run. That's when we pretend we don't notice the chore or we "forget" about the task, hoping our spouse will take over so we don't have to.
Leslie: Subtle selfishness seeps into our marriage in a myriad of ways. I'm the first to admit I sometimes selfishly hoard my husband's time, for example. I can whine and complain to Les about his busy schedule but never consider adjusting my own calendar for his benefit. Or, I might think nothing of spending extravagantly on a luncheon with one of my girlfriends and later snip at Les for indulging himself with another computer gadget. In big and small ways we all squirrel away money, energy and time for our own advantage, never realizing that we are squandering countless opportunities for acts of kindness and generosity that would bring us to a deeper level of intimacy and connectedness with our partner.
The problem with focusing on yourself, no matter how subtle, is that it cuts the heart out of marriage. We can rationalize our selfish ways all we want, but we are missing the point of our partnership when we don't pitch in and help with the task at hand. Subtle selfishness is guaranteed to leave you feeling more like roommates than soul mates. What's worse, it brings conflict. "For those who are self-seeking," Scripture says, " … there will be wrath and anger" (Rom. 2:8). Spats and tiffs are inevitable whenever we squander kindness and give in to self-absorption.
Les: Are we saying there is no place for making your own needs known, no place for private time or a kind of "sanctified" self-centeredness in marriage? Nope. If you live under the same roof long enough, your selfish side is guaranteed to emerge again and again. But one fact remains: Selfishness diminishes intimacy. To find the closeness you long for, self-focused actions have to be outweighed by generosity. The more frequently you look for opportunities to sacrifice self and serve your mate, the deeper your intimacy will grow.
It has taken both of us a while to learn the value of self-sacrifice. Little by little, however, I am slowly surrendering my miserly ways and discovering the immeasurable benefits that come from splurging on Leslie.
Leslie: I'm learning the same lessons as I adjust my self-centered desires and work to stop hoarding Les's time. Neither of us is a selfless saint. But we know we'll never achieve a satisfying, soul-to-soul connection—the kind that honors God and one another—without setting aside our self-focused desires and cultivating a generous spirit with one another.
Les Parrott, Ph.D., and Leslie Parrott, Ed.D., are codirectors of the Center for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University and the authors of Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts (Zondervan).
Copyright © 1997 by the author or Christianity Today International/Marriage Partnership magazine.
How to keep a sneaky saboteur from damaging your closeness
Les and Leslie Parrott | posted 9/12/2008
"You're going to vacuum before they get here, right?" Leslie asked in an anxious tone as we pulled the car into the garage.
"I've got it under control," I murmured.
We each grabbed an armful of groceries and hurried into the kitchen. "I'll put away the groceries so you can get started on the vacuuming," Leslie said. The tension was rising because, in less than an hour, two couples would be at our doorstep expecting a dinner party.
"Don't forget to light the candles and turn on the music before they get here," Leslie hollered from the kitchen. I heard what she said but didn't reply as I walked into my study to look through some "urgent" mail.
Only a couple of minutes had passed, it seemed, when Leslie walked into my study and in exasperation asked: "What are you doing?"
"Reading my mail," I said, defensively and with the best look of confusion I could muster. She didn't buy my act. "Don't worry," I said, "I'll take care of the other stuff."
Leslie sighed and left the room. Five minutes later I heard the sound of the vacuum in the living room. "I'm almost done here and then I'll go in and help," I said to myself. Ten minutes later the vacuum stopped. I bolted from my chair and walked to the living room.
"I thought I was going to do this," I said to Leslie.
"So did I," she replied.
We've all weaseled our way out of our spouse's "to do" list at one time or another. After all, we've worked hard, we're tired, busy, preoccupied, maxed-out, whatever. There are a dozen reasons we use to justify one of the deadliest saboteurs of a healthy marriage: subtle selfishness. It lurks just beneath the surface whenever we are tired and there's a chore to be done or an errand to be run. That's when we pretend we don't notice the chore or we "forget" about the task, hoping our spouse will take over so we don't have to.
Leslie: Subtle selfishness seeps into our marriage in a myriad of ways. I'm the first to admit I sometimes selfishly hoard my husband's time, for example. I can whine and complain to Les about his busy schedule but never consider adjusting my own calendar for his benefit. Or, I might think nothing of spending extravagantly on a luncheon with one of my girlfriends and later snip at Les for indulging himself with another computer gadget. In big and small ways we all squirrel away money, energy and time for our own advantage, never realizing that we are squandering countless opportunities for acts of kindness and generosity that would bring us to a deeper level of intimacy and connectedness with our partner.
The problem with focusing on yourself, no matter how subtle, is that it cuts the heart out of marriage. We can rationalize our selfish ways all we want, but we are missing the point of our partnership when we don't pitch in and help with the task at hand. Subtle selfishness is guaranteed to leave you feeling more like roommates than soul mates. What's worse, it brings conflict. "For those who are self-seeking," Scripture says, " … there will be wrath and anger" (Rom. 2:8). Spats and tiffs are inevitable whenever we squander kindness and give in to self-absorption.
Les: Are we saying there is no place for making your own needs known, no place for private time or a kind of "sanctified" self-centeredness in marriage? Nope. If you live under the same roof long enough, your selfish side is guaranteed to emerge again and again. But one fact remains: Selfishness diminishes intimacy. To find the closeness you long for, self-focused actions have to be outweighed by generosity. The more frequently you look for opportunities to sacrifice self and serve your mate, the deeper your intimacy will grow.
It has taken both of us a while to learn the value of self-sacrifice. Little by little, however, I am slowly surrendering my miserly ways and discovering the immeasurable benefits that come from splurging on Leslie.
Leslie: I'm learning the same lessons as I adjust my self-centered desires and work to stop hoarding Les's time. Neither of us is a selfless saint. But we know we'll never achieve a satisfying, soul-to-soul connection—the kind that honors God and one another—without setting aside our self-focused desires and cultivating a generous spirit with one another.
Les Parrott, Ph.D., and Leslie Parrott, Ed.D., are codirectors of the Center for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University and the authors of Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts (Zondervan).
Copyright © 1997 by the author or Christianity Today International/Marriage Partnership magazine.
Friday, September 23, 2011
September 23, 2011
September: Revival
If we surrender our hearts to God we may expect a wondrous enlargement. And who knows what He can do if we take our hands off and let Him work?
The Root of the Righteous, 130.
________________________________
September 23
Revival: Don't Substitute Praying for Obeying
So Samuel said: "Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed than the fat of rams." --1 Samuel 15:22
Have you noticed how much praying for revival has been going on of late-and how little revival has resulted?
Considering the volume of prayer that is ascending these days, rivers of revival should be flowing in blessing throughout the land. That no such results are in evidence should not discourage us; rather it should stir us to find out why our prayers are not answered....
I believe our problem is that we have been trying to substitute praying for obeying; and it simply will not work....
Prayer is never an acceptable substitute for obedience. The sovereign Lord accepts no offering from His creatures that is not accompanied by obedience. To pray for revival while ignoring or actually flouting the plain precept laid down in the Scriptures is to waste a lot of words and get nothing for our trouble. Of God and Men, 55-57.
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; show me any wicked way that needs to be corrected in my own life before revival can come. I'm praying for revival; help me to also be obeying. Amen."
________________________________
Today's "Insight for Leaders" is taken by permission from the book, Tozer on Christian Leadership, published by WingSpread Publishers http://www.echurchdepot.com
If we surrender our hearts to God we may expect a wondrous enlargement. And who knows what He can do if we take our hands off and let Him work?
The Root of the Righteous, 130.
________________________________
September 23
Revival: Don't Substitute Praying for Obeying
So Samuel said: "Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed than the fat of rams." --1 Samuel 15:22
Have you noticed how much praying for revival has been going on of late-and how little revival has resulted?
Considering the volume of prayer that is ascending these days, rivers of revival should be flowing in blessing throughout the land. That no such results are in evidence should not discourage us; rather it should stir us to find out why our prayers are not answered....
I believe our problem is that we have been trying to substitute praying for obeying; and it simply will not work....
Prayer is never an acceptable substitute for obedience. The sovereign Lord accepts no offering from His creatures that is not accompanied by obedience. To pray for revival while ignoring or actually flouting the plain precept laid down in the Scriptures is to waste a lot of words and get nothing for our trouble. Of God and Men, 55-57.
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; show me any wicked way that needs to be corrected in my own life before revival can come. I'm praying for revival; help me to also be obeying. Amen."
________________________________
Today's "Insight for Leaders" is taken by permission from the book, Tozer on Christian Leadership, published by WingSpread Publishers http://www.echurchdepot.com
Thursday, September 22, 2011
September 22, 2011
When the Kids Move Out
My wife and I wondered what our life would be like when our full-time parenting jobs were over.
Jim Killam | posted 9/14/2011
My wife and I were sitting at dinner the other night and I noticed an annoying sound coming from the next room. Click … click … click. Like water dripping, or maybe something sparking. So I went to investigate.
It was the clock ticking.
This is a sound we haven't heard in our house for almost 24 years. Oh, it's been there all along, ticking away, lurking behind louder sounds: babies crying, Barney singing, little boys fighting, basketballs bouncing, little girls giggling, Power Rangers morphing, school buses honking, music shaking the walls, teens playing video games, hairdryers blowing, cell phones beeping and buzzing.
Far more suddenly than we were ready for, all of that noise has stopped. We always approached parenting teens with the idea that we were trying to work ourselves out of a job. To our surprise, that's exactly what happened.
I'll quickly acknowledge we haven't been world-champion parents, though I suppose the jury's still out. We've done the best we knew how. The past several years have presented their share of heartaches as well as joys, as we've tried to help guide our teens into young adulthood. Despite what book publishers may tell you, there's no failsafe instruction manual. Even for those parents who do everything right, sometimes kids still make bad choices. Just ask God.
Our kids may not always have seen the world's greatest parents, but they saw a healthy, happy, God-honoring marriage. They saw Mom and Dad go out on date nights so often that we didn't even need to call them that. They saw a house filled with laughter, dinners filled with conversation, mornings punctuated by the two of us praying together.
So here we are, still in our 40s, and the nest is empty. Tick … tick … tick. Now what? Among our group of friends whom we've known all of our married life, we are the pioneers in this empty nest phase. They all want to know what it's like, as if we've reached the shore of some undiscovered country. Certainly there's a sadness that accompanies this transition, but it's alternately exciting, surprising, and revealing.
Here's some of what we've observed so far.
• We have way more space than we really need. We live in a modest, three-bedroom ranch house, and there are a couple of rooms completely unused. After years of not being able to see the floors in the kids' rooms, everything looks too orderly now.
• There is no more help for mowing the lawn, shoveling snow, carrying softener salt to the basement, loading the dishwasher, and cleaning up dog messes in the back yard. All that free time we envisioned having? We're spending some of it doing things we used to pay the kids an allowance to do.
• We can go to bed at 7 p.m. if we want, and still not go to sleep until 11. Though, this would have been easier to accomplish when we were 25 and had a lot more energy. Life can be unfair that way.
• The house is colder in winter. We're setting the thermostat higher. We used to make fun of our parents for this.
• I can walk naked through the living room late at night if I've forgotten to turn a lamp off. This really, really scares the dog, so I've stopped doing it.
• Speaking of the dog, I spend a lot more time talking to him now. And all those times the kids blamed the dog for nuclear-strength flatulation? Well, it turns out they weren't lying after all.
• The pizza oven has time to cool off between uses. Cookies and chips can last for weeks in the cupboard. We've had to adjust our grocery shopping after discarding food that's gone past its expiration date.
• That Ken Burns National Parks series I recorded on the DVR has not been bumped off by 19 episodes of Jackass.
• Christmas takes a lot more planning and coordination of schedules. You start to understand why family get-togethers are so important to your mom.
Most important: All of that investment in our marriage over 24 years of parenting is paying big dividends now. This new season has been a time of finding new things to do together. We joined a gym, and we've become part of a small group planting a church. These are things we would not have had time for before.
We're free agents. We're talking and dreaming together about what direction life may go, and it's exciting.
And then about the time we settled into this new life and started to think, You know, this is pretty nice, our youngest moved back home.
That's pretty nice too. An unexpected gift. We've enjoyed a taste of life after kids, and now we get to stand for a while with one foot in both worlds.
Tick … tick … tick.
Jim Killam lives in northern Illinois. He and his wife, Lauren, have been married more than 25 years.
My wife and I wondered what our life would be like when our full-time parenting jobs were over.
Jim Killam | posted 9/14/2011
My wife and I were sitting at dinner the other night and I noticed an annoying sound coming from the next room. Click … click … click. Like water dripping, or maybe something sparking. So I went to investigate.
It was the clock ticking.
This is a sound we haven't heard in our house for almost 24 years. Oh, it's been there all along, ticking away, lurking behind louder sounds: babies crying, Barney singing, little boys fighting, basketballs bouncing, little girls giggling, Power Rangers morphing, school buses honking, music shaking the walls, teens playing video games, hairdryers blowing, cell phones beeping and buzzing.
Far more suddenly than we were ready for, all of that noise has stopped. We always approached parenting teens with the idea that we were trying to work ourselves out of a job. To our surprise, that's exactly what happened.
I'll quickly acknowledge we haven't been world-champion parents, though I suppose the jury's still out. We've done the best we knew how. The past several years have presented their share of heartaches as well as joys, as we've tried to help guide our teens into young adulthood. Despite what book publishers may tell you, there's no failsafe instruction manual. Even for those parents who do everything right, sometimes kids still make bad choices. Just ask God.
Our kids may not always have seen the world's greatest parents, but they saw a healthy, happy, God-honoring marriage. They saw Mom and Dad go out on date nights so often that we didn't even need to call them that. They saw a house filled with laughter, dinners filled with conversation, mornings punctuated by the two of us praying together.
So here we are, still in our 40s, and the nest is empty. Tick … tick … tick. Now what? Among our group of friends whom we've known all of our married life, we are the pioneers in this empty nest phase. They all want to know what it's like, as if we've reached the shore of some undiscovered country. Certainly there's a sadness that accompanies this transition, but it's alternately exciting, surprising, and revealing.
Here's some of what we've observed so far.
• We have way more space than we really need. We live in a modest, three-bedroom ranch house, and there are a couple of rooms completely unused. After years of not being able to see the floors in the kids' rooms, everything looks too orderly now.
• There is no more help for mowing the lawn, shoveling snow, carrying softener salt to the basement, loading the dishwasher, and cleaning up dog messes in the back yard. All that free time we envisioned having? We're spending some of it doing things we used to pay the kids an allowance to do.
• We can go to bed at 7 p.m. if we want, and still not go to sleep until 11. Though, this would have been easier to accomplish when we were 25 and had a lot more energy. Life can be unfair that way.
• The house is colder in winter. We're setting the thermostat higher. We used to make fun of our parents for this.
• I can walk naked through the living room late at night if I've forgotten to turn a lamp off. This really, really scares the dog, so I've stopped doing it.
• Speaking of the dog, I spend a lot more time talking to him now. And all those times the kids blamed the dog for nuclear-strength flatulation? Well, it turns out they weren't lying after all.
• The pizza oven has time to cool off between uses. Cookies and chips can last for weeks in the cupboard. We've had to adjust our grocery shopping after discarding food that's gone past its expiration date.
• That Ken Burns National Parks series I recorded on the DVR has not been bumped off by 19 episodes of Jackass.
• Christmas takes a lot more planning and coordination of schedules. You start to understand why family get-togethers are so important to your mom.
Most important: All of that investment in our marriage over 24 years of parenting is paying big dividends now. This new season has been a time of finding new things to do together. We joined a gym, and we've become part of a small group planting a church. These are things we would not have had time for before.
We're free agents. We're talking and dreaming together about what direction life may go, and it's exciting.
And then about the time we settled into this new life and started to think, You know, this is pretty nice, our youngest moved back home.
That's pretty nice too. An unexpected gift. We've enjoyed a taste of life after kids, and now we get to stand for a while with one foot in both worlds.
Tick … tick … tick.
Jim Killam lives in northern Illinois. He and his wife, Lauren, have been married more than 25 years.
September 21, 2011
SOW IN LIFE, REAP IN ETERNITY
By J. C. Ryle
We must never forget, that every one of us, while we live, are in a state of probation. We are constantly sowing seeds that will spring up and bear fruit, every day and every hour in our lives. There are eternal consequences resulting from all our thoughts, words and actions, of which we pay too little attention to. "Men will have to give account on the Day of Judgment for every careless word they have spoken" (Matthew 12:36). Our thoughts are all numbered; our actions are weighed. No wonder that Paul says, "The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life" (Galatians 6:8). In a word, what we sow in life we will reap after death, and reap throughout all eternity.
~ J.C. Ryle
By J. C. Ryle
We must never forget, that every one of us, while we live, are in a state of probation. We are constantly sowing seeds that will spring up and bear fruit, every day and every hour in our lives. There are eternal consequences resulting from all our thoughts, words and actions, of which we pay too little attention to. "Men will have to give account on the Day of Judgment for every careless word they have spoken" (Matthew 12:36). Our thoughts are all numbered; our actions are weighed. No wonder that Paul says, "The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life" (Galatians 6:8). In a word, what we sow in life we will reap after death, and reap throughout all eternity.
~ J.C. Ryle
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
September 20, 2011
A Leadership Challenge
In recent years much has been written on the subject of leadership. Go to the business section of any major bookstore and you’ll find shelves lined with books that tackle the topic. It’s the focus of thousands of seminars, workshops, and articles every year. Most corporations invest heavily in ongoing leadership training programs for their employees. It seems like everybody is talking about leadership.
What’s the big deal about leadership? Leadership matters. Leaders point the way and set direction for others. The quality of our lives is affected by the character and skills of our leaders. Better leadership leads to better lives.
Everybody benefits from leadership training. We all have roles and responsibilities that affect and influence others. When you’re a better leader, the people around you are blessed.
Growth as a leader begins with an often overlooked opportunity — ourselves! To effectively lead others, we must first learn how to lead ourselves. In many ways, we see our toughest leadership challenge every time we look in a mirror!
To be a good “self -leader” we have to get a handle on several key areas of life:
Our thoughts.
How we think and what we think determines what we do. Leading yourself requires taking control of your thoughts and directing them in good and godly paths. You can control what you think. You can manage your mind. Take a look at what the Bible says about this:
… Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. — Philippians 4:9 (NLT)
Our attitudes.
Attitudes are the perspectives that influence our actions and interactions with others. They’re the way we look at, interpret and approach life — either positively or negatively; with faith or fear; with hope or despair; as a potential victor or as defeated before we begin; etc. Attitudes either empower or poison us.
To effectively lead yourself, you must investigate and adjust your attitudes. You must detoxify the way you look at life and people. You must cultivate new perspectives that are healthy and holy.
Our emotions.
Everybody has emotions. We feel things. It’s part of being human. When emotions are understood and properly managed, they can be harnessed for good. When they’re not, they hijack us, hold us hostage and wreak havoc in our lives.
Unmanaged emotions spill onto others though our moods and words. They press us into poor, imprudent decisions. Most of our regrets in life are linked to emotions run amok.
Being a good self-leader involves learning how to manage your emotions. Don’t let feelings control your life. Emotions are great servants, but terrible masters!
Our habits.
Self leadership also requires the development of the right habits. A habit is a pattern of thinking or doing that’s repeated by conscious choice, and eventually is practiced unconsciously. It becomes a part of the person’s character.
Good self-leaders think about their spiritual, mental, emotional, relational and physical habits. They consciously choose to do things that are good for them and for the people around them. They exercise discipline in their habits until good habits become a part of who they are.
Our time.
Time is a resource we all share equally. Everybody has 60 minutes each hour, 24 hours each day, and 168 hours each week. As the minutes, days and weeks pass, time is depleted. It’s gone for good.
Time is a valuable asset. What we do with our time is what we do with our life. If it’s invested wisely, it pays huge dividends. When we waste time, we waste life.
A good self-leader values time and makes the most of each moment. They bring order and organization to the use of their time.
Here’s a great reminder about this from the Bible:
Be careful, then how you live — not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. – Ephesians 5:15, 16 (NIV)
Leadership is important. God is calling you to be a better leader. What’s your next leadership assignment? Look in the mirror!
Pastor Dale
In recent years much has been written on the subject of leadership. Go to the business section of any major bookstore and you’ll find shelves lined with books that tackle the topic. It’s the focus of thousands of seminars, workshops, and articles every year. Most corporations invest heavily in ongoing leadership training programs for their employees. It seems like everybody is talking about leadership.
What’s the big deal about leadership? Leadership matters. Leaders point the way and set direction for others. The quality of our lives is affected by the character and skills of our leaders. Better leadership leads to better lives.
Everybody benefits from leadership training. We all have roles and responsibilities that affect and influence others. When you’re a better leader, the people around you are blessed.
Growth as a leader begins with an often overlooked opportunity — ourselves! To effectively lead others, we must first learn how to lead ourselves. In many ways, we see our toughest leadership challenge every time we look in a mirror!
To be a good “self -leader” we have to get a handle on several key areas of life:
Our thoughts.
How we think and what we think determines what we do. Leading yourself requires taking control of your thoughts and directing them in good and godly paths. You can control what you think. You can manage your mind. Take a look at what the Bible says about this:
… Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. — Philippians 4:9 (NLT)
Our attitudes.
Attitudes are the perspectives that influence our actions and interactions with others. They’re the way we look at, interpret and approach life — either positively or negatively; with faith or fear; with hope or despair; as a potential victor or as defeated before we begin; etc. Attitudes either empower or poison us.
To effectively lead yourself, you must investigate and adjust your attitudes. You must detoxify the way you look at life and people. You must cultivate new perspectives that are healthy and holy.
Our emotions.
Everybody has emotions. We feel things. It’s part of being human. When emotions are understood and properly managed, they can be harnessed for good. When they’re not, they hijack us, hold us hostage and wreak havoc in our lives.
Unmanaged emotions spill onto others though our moods and words. They press us into poor, imprudent decisions. Most of our regrets in life are linked to emotions run amok.
Being a good self-leader involves learning how to manage your emotions. Don’t let feelings control your life. Emotions are great servants, but terrible masters!
Our habits.
Self leadership also requires the development of the right habits. A habit is a pattern of thinking or doing that’s repeated by conscious choice, and eventually is practiced unconsciously. It becomes a part of the person’s character.
Good self-leaders think about their spiritual, mental, emotional, relational and physical habits. They consciously choose to do things that are good for them and for the people around them. They exercise discipline in their habits until good habits become a part of who they are.
Our time.
Time is a resource we all share equally. Everybody has 60 minutes each hour, 24 hours each day, and 168 hours each week. As the minutes, days and weeks pass, time is depleted. It’s gone for good.
Time is a valuable asset. What we do with our time is what we do with our life. If it’s invested wisely, it pays huge dividends. When we waste time, we waste life.
A good self-leader values time and makes the most of each moment. They bring order and organization to the use of their time.
Here’s a great reminder about this from the Bible:
Be careful, then how you live — not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. – Ephesians 5:15, 16 (NIV)
Leadership is important. God is calling you to be a better leader. What’s your next leadership assignment? Look in the mirror!
Pastor Dale
Monday, September 19, 2011
September 19, 2011
WHY LIFE DOES NOT GO WELL
by Geri McGhee
"Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, that your days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with you on the land which the Lord your God gives you." Deuteronomy 5:16
Every problem in life can be traced back to the breaking of this one commandment. It is a Scriptural truth that life will go well for us in every area we could honor our mother and father and life will not go well for us in any area we did not or could not honor our mother or father.
To honor means to forgive them. It does not mean that we have to agree with them, like them, model our life after them or, if we are grown, fellowship with them if they are evil. But, to honor means to forgive them for their poor stewardship of us by not training us up in the way we should go according to the Word of God. In the areas that we have let the sun go down on our anger, grief, sadness, worry, fear, frustration, hurt, pain, etc. without forgiving them, we have dishonored them.
This dishonoring of our parents sets up a life-long reaping process for us to experience the same problems in our present circumstances for which have judged our parents.
PRO 12:14 "The deeds of a man's hands will return to him."
MAT 7:1-2 "Do not judge lest you be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged and by your standard of measure it will be measured to you."
ROM 2:1 "Therefore you are without excuse, every man of you who passes judgment, for in that you judge another, you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things."
ECC 7:9 "Do not be eager in your heart to be angry, for anger resides in the bosom of fools.
EPH 4:26-27 "Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger and do not give the devil an opportunity."
This does not mean to deny our anger exists but to acknowledge it and to not let it turn into sin by letting the sun go down on it. We may have a right to be angry but God instructs us to forgive so we can be forgiven. God will only forgive us to the degree we forgive others.
MAR 11:26 "But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions."
If we hold onto our anger, according to Matthew 5:21-26, we go into a spiritual prison (spiritual bondage) and we will stay in it until we forgive. MAT 18:32-35 says unforgiveness causes us to get turned over to the torturers. The torturers are demons that inflict pain. The word "torturers" also means the pain of disease. Unforgiveness will hold the pain in whatever area of the body we are hurt and if held in our heart, eventually, it will turn into sickness and disease.
So I ask you where is your life not going well? The problems you are now having in the present are mirroring the problems of the past and revealing unresolved mother and daddy issues.
The good news is that when we forgive, God cancels the reaping in the specific area we forgive, we come out of the spiritual prisons we have been held in and we experience God's freedom and His peace.
ECC 11:10 "So, remove vexation (grief and anger) from your heart and put away pain from your body."
Hallelujah!
by Geri McGhee
"Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, that your days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with you on the land which the Lord your God gives you." Deuteronomy 5:16
Every problem in life can be traced back to the breaking of this one commandment. It is a Scriptural truth that life will go well for us in every area we could honor our mother and father and life will not go well for us in any area we did not or could not honor our mother or father.
To honor means to forgive them. It does not mean that we have to agree with them, like them, model our life after them or, if we are grown, fellowship with them if they are evil. But, to honor means to forgive them for their poor stewardship of us by not training us up in the way we should go according to the Word of God. In the areas that we have let the sun go down on our anger, grief, sadness, worry, fear, frustration, hurt, pain, etc. without forgiving them, we have dishonored them.
This dishonoring of our parents sets up a life-long reaping process for us to experience the same problems in our present circumstances for which have judged our parents.
PRO 12:14 "The deeds of a man's hands will return to him."
MAT 7:1-2 "Do not judge lest you be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged and by your standard of measure it will be measured to you."
ROM 2:1 "Therefore you are without excuse, every man of you who passes judgment, for in that you judge another, you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things."
ECC 7:9 "Do not be eager in your heart to be angry, for anger resides in the bosom of fools.
EPH 4:26-27 "Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger and do not give the devil an opportunity."
This does not mean to deny our anger exists but to acknowledge it and to not let it turn into sin by letting the sun go down on it. We may have a right to be angry but God instructs us to forgive so we can be forgiven. God will only forgive us to the degree we forgive others.
MAR 11:26 "But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions."
If we hold onto our anger, according to Matthew 5:21-26, we go into a spiritual prison (spiritual bondage) and we will stay in it until we forgive. MAT 18:32-35 says unforgiveness causes us to get turned over to the torturers. The torturers are demons that inflict pain. The word "torturers" also means the pain of disease. Unforgiveness will hold the pain in whatever area of the body we are hurt and if held in our heart, eventually, it will turn into sickness and disease.
So I ask you where is your life not going well? The problems you are now having in the present are mirroring the problems of the past and revealing unresolved mother and daddy issues.
The good news is that when we forgive, God cancels the reaping in the specific area we forgive, we come out of the spiritual prisons we have been held in and we experience God's freedom and His peace.
ECC 11:10 "So, remove vexation (grief and anger) from your heart and put away pain from your body."
Hallelujah!
September 16, 2011
September: Revival
If we surrender our hearts to God we may expect a wondrous enlargement. And who knows what He can do if we take our hands off and let Him work?
The Root of the Righteous, 130.
________________________________
September 16
Revival: Meet God Alone First
But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly. --Matthew 6:6
Nothing can prevent the spiritual rejuvenation of the soul that insists upon having it. Though that solitary man must live and walk among persons religiously dead, he may experience the great transformation as certainly and as quickly as if he were in the most spiritual church in the world.
The man that will have God's best becomes at once the object of the personal attention of the Holy Spirit. Such a man will not be required to wait for the rest of the church to come alive. He will not be penalized for the failures of his fellow Christians, nor be asked to forego the blessing till his sleepy brethren catch up. God deals with the individual heart as exclusively as if only one existed.... Every prophet, every reformer, every revivalist had to meet God alone before he could help the multitudes. The great leaders who went on to turn thousands to Christ had to begin with God and their own soul. The plain Christian of today must experience personal revival before he can hope to bring renewed spiritual life to his church. The Size of the Soul, 15-16.
"Lord, I pray this morning the words of Jonathan Edwards: 'Resolved... that all men would live for the glory of God; resolved, second...that if nobody else does, I will.' Amen."
________________________________
Today's "Insight for Leaders" is taken by permission from the book, Tozer on Christian Leadership, published by WingSpread Publishers http://www.echurchdepot.com
If we surrender our hearts to God we may expect a wondrous enlargement. And who knows what He can do if we take our hands off and let Him work?
The Root of the Righteous, 130.
________________________________
September 16
Revival: Meet God Alone First
But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly. --Matthew 6:6
Nothing can prevent the spiritual rejuvenation of the soul that insists upon having it. Though that solitary man must live and walk among persons religiously dead, he may experience the great transformation as certainly and as quickly as if he were in the most spiritual church in the world.
The man that will have God's best becomes at once the object of the personal attention of the Holy Spirit. Such a man will not be required to wait for the rest of the church to come alive. He will not be penalized for the failures of his fellow Christians, nor be asked to forego the blessing till his sleepy brethren catch up. God deals with the individual heart as exclusively as if only one existed.... Every prophet, every reformer, every revivalist had to meet God alone before he could help the multitudes. The great leaders who went on to turn thousands to Christ had to begin with God and their own soul. The plain Christian of today must experience personal revival before he can hope to bring renewed spiritual life to his church. The Size of the Soul, 15-16.
"Lord, I pray this morning the words of Jonathan Edwards: 'Resolved... that all men would live for the glory of God; resolved, second...that if nobody else does, I will.' Amen."
________________________________
Today's "Insight for Leaders" is taken by permission from the book, Tozer on Christian Leadership, published by WingSpread Publishers http://www.echurchdepot.com
September 15, 2011
The Power of a Power Team
Have you ever had to team up on a problem to solve it?
A few weeks ago I was reminded of the power of a team. I pulled out one of my favorite shirts to wear and discovered an ugly spot of unknown origin on the front. While I was momentarily disappointed, I thought, “No problem, I can easily wash this out and it’ll be fine.” After a few attempts at removing the stain with various detergents, with no success, I called in the heavy artillery. I remembered that my wife had a bottle of special, high-powered “stuff” made for situations like this. I found it, applied it, waited and then washed the shirt. And sure enough, the spot disappeared!
How did this stain remover succeed when all the other detergents failed? The right team! This one was a cleaning “power team.” The right chemistry was in place, and all the elements, working together, brought a cleansing breakthrough! It was the power of a power team!
In life there are certain things that, much like the stubborn stain on my shirt, resist all our efforts to change them. They simply don’t budge, no matter how many “detergents” we try or hard we scrub. They are determined to hold their ugly place in our thinking, our relationships, our habits and our attitudes. How do we ever get these spiritual, emotional and relational stains removed from our soul or circumstances?
We need the right “power team.” The Bible tells us about the “stuff” God has provided for times and situations like this. It’s the power team of prayer and praise! Not just prayer, and not just praise, but the combined power of both prayer and praise. While there’s power in prayer and power in praise, there’s a release of incredible, exponential power when we practice these together, with faith and persistence.
There are many examples of this dynamic duo in Scripture. One is found in 2 Chronicles 20. It’s the story of the little nation of Judah facing an invasion by three allied enemies. Only a miracle could save them from defeat and destruction. King Jehoshaphat of Judah called all the people together for a time of prayer. He passionately called on God for help.
God’s instruction to Jehoshaphat was to do one more thing. In addition to their prayers, they were to become praisers! Jehoshaphat got it! He understood what God wanted them to do. Take a look at what he did:
… the king appointed singers to walk ahead of the army, singing to the Lord and praising Him for His holy splendor … – 2 Chronicles 20:21 (NLT)
This story ends with a great victory for Judah. The combination of prayer and praise was the power team that brought breakthrough!
Is there some stubborn “stain” in your life? God says,“Employ the power team of prayer and praise!” It’ll work for you!
Pastor Dale
Have you ever had to team up on a problem to solve it?
A few weeks ago I was reminded of the power of a team. I pulled out one of my favorite shirts to wear and discovered an ugly spot of unknown origin on the front. While I was momentarily disappointed, I thought, “No problem, I can easily wash this out and it’ll be fine.” After a few attempts at removing the stain with various detergents, with no success, I called in the heavy artillery. I remembered that my wife had a bottle of special, high-powered “stuff” made for situations like this. I found it, applied it, waited and then washed the shirt. And sure enough, the spot disappeared!
How did this stain remover succeed when all the other detergents failed? The right team! This one was a cleaning “power team.” The right chemistry was in place, and all the elements, working together, brought a cleansing breakthrough! It was the power of a power team!
In life there are certain things that, much like the stubborn stain on my shirt, resist all our efforts to change them. They simply don’t budge, no matter how many “detergents” we try or hard we scrub. They are determined to hold their ugly place in our thinking, our relationships, our habits and our attitudes. How do we ever get these spiritual, emotional and relational stains removed from our soul or circumstances?
We need the right “power team.” The Bible tells us about the “stuff” God has provided for times and situations like this. It’s the power team of prayer and praise! Not just prayer, and not just praise, but the combined power of both prayer and praise. While there’s power in prayer and power in praise, there’s a release of incredible, exponential power when we practice these together, with faith and persistence.
There are many examples of this dynamic duo in Scripture. One is found in 2 Chronicles 20. It’s the story of the little nation of Judah facing an invasion by three allied enemies. Only a miracle could save them from defeat and destruction. King Jehoshaphat of Judah called all the people together for a time of prayer. He passionately called on God for help.
God’s instruction to Jehoshaphat was to do one more thing. In addition to their prayers, they were to become praisers! Jehoshaphat got it! He understood what God wanted them to do. Take a look at what he did:
… the king appointed singers to walk ahead of the army, singing to the Lord and praising Him for His holy splendor … – 2 Chronicles 20:21 (NLT)
This story ends with a great victory for Judah. The combination of prayer and praise was the power team that brought breakthrough!
Is there some stubborn “stain” in your life? God says,“Employ the power team of prayer and praise!” It’ll work for you!
Pastor Dale
September 14, 2011
Lord, high and holy, meek and lowly,
Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision, where I live in the depths but see Thee in the heights; hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold Thy glory.
Let me learn by paradox that the way down is the way up that to be low is to be high, that the broken heart is the healed heart, that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit, that the repenting soul is the victorious soul, that to have nothing is to possess all, that to bear the cross is to wear the crown, that to give is to receive, that the valley is the place of vision.
Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells, and the deeper the wells the brighter Thy stars shine; let me find Thy light in my darkness, Thy life in my death, Thy joy in my sorrow, Thy grace in my sin, Thy riches in my poverty, Thy glory in my valley.
Arthur Bennett, Ed. The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions. Banner of Truth Trust, Carlisle, PA. 2003
Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision, where I live in the depths but see Thee in the heights; hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold Thy glory.
Let me learn by paradox that the way down is the way up that to be low is to be high, that the broken heart is the healed heart, that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit, that the repenting soul is the victorious soul, that to have nothing is to possess all, that to bear the cross is to wear the crown, that to give is to receive, that the valley is the place of vision.
Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells, and the deeper the wells the brighter Thy stars shine; let me find Thy light in my darkness, Thy life in my death, Thy joy in my sorrow, Thy grace in my sin, Thy riches in my poverty, Thy glory in my valley.
Arthur Bennett, Ed. The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions. Banner of Truth Trust, Carlisle, PA. 2003
September 13, 2011
Going Up?
We often hear people talk about taking some part of their life to “another level.” This phrase describes experiencing significant events or making important changes that bring major improvements –– often exponential improvements –– to some part of our lives.
The Bible is filled with stories of God taking people to new levels of living. There’s a higher call for every Christian believer. The Lord wants you to step up and into a deeper, greater relationship with Him that will take you to His higher call for your life.
Paul spoke of this:
Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 3:13, 14 (NKJV)
Note the phrase “upward call of God.” God has called all of us to be on an upward journey with Him, rising to the new levels of living, giving and serving.
inspired Abraham to take his life to a new level of faith — an upward journey of higher living, giving and serving. And Abraham said “yes.” Abraham’s willingness to “go up” with God changed his destiny, and the world!
Pastor Dale
We often hear people talk about taking some part of their life to “another level.” This phrase describes experiencing significant events or making important changes that bring major improvements –– often exponential improvements –– to some part of our lives.
The Bible is filled with stories of God taking people to new levels of living. There’s a higher call for every Christian believer. The Lord wants you to step up and into a deeper, greater relationship with Him that will take you to His higher call for your life.
Paul spoke of this:
Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 3:13, 14 (NKJV)
Note the phrase “upward call of God.” God has called all of us to be on an upward journey with Him, rising to the new levels of living, giving and serving.
inspired Abraham to take his life to a new level of faith — an upward journey of higher living, giving and serving. And Abraham said “yes.” Abraham’s willingness to “go up” with God changed his destiny, and the world!
Pastor Dale
September 12, 2011
Magic Words
Theme of the week: God's Masterpiece
Monday, September 12, 2011
Key Bible Verse: The LORD merely spoke, and the heavens were created. He breathed the word, and all the stars were born. (Psalm 33:6) Dig Deeper: Colossians 1:15-17
I look around at the stuff of the world and I ask myself what it is made of.
Words. Magic words. Words spoken by the Infinite, words so potent, spoken by One so potent that they have weight and mass and flavor. They are real. They have taken on flesh and dwelt among us. They are us. In the Christian story, the material world came into existence at the point of speech, and that speech was ex nihilo, from nothing. God did not look around for some cosmic goo to sculpt, or another god to dice and recycle. He sang a song, composed a poem, began a novel so enormous that even the Russian novelists are dwarfed by its heaped up pages.
You are spoken. I am spoken. We stand on a spoken stage. The spinning kind. The round kind. The moist kind. The kind of stage with beetles and laughter and babies and dirt and snow and fresh-cut cedar.
The magic is real, and I stand blinking on the stage because of it. I'm real. I'm heavy. I'm matter. Cut me and I'll bleed. But if the Magician, the Poet, the Word, the Singer were to stop his voice, I would simply cease to be.
My Response: I will read today's Dig Deeper, reflecting on what it means to be held together by God.
Adapted from Notes from the Tilt-A-Whirl (Thomas Nelson, 2009) by permission. All rights reserved by the copyright holder and/or the publisher. May not be reproduced.
Copyright © 2011 by Christianity Today International/Men of Integrity magazine. Click here for reprint information on Men of Integrity.
Theme of the week: God's Masterpiece
Monday, September 12, 2011
Key Bible Verse: The LORD merely spoke, and the heavens were created. He breathed the word, and all the stars were born. (Psalm 33:6) Dig Deeper: Colossians 1:15-17
I look around at the stuff of the world and I ask myself what it is made of.
Words. Magic words. Words spoken by the Infinite, words so potent, spoken by One so potent that they have weight and mass and flavor. They are real. They have taken on flesh and dwelt among us. They are us. In the Christian story, the material world came into existence at the point of speech, and that speech was ex nihilo, from nothing. God did not look around for some cosmic goo to sculpt, or another god to dice and recycle. He sang a song, composed a poem, began a novel so enormous that even the Russian novelists are dwarfed by its heaped up pages.
You are spoken. I am spoken. We stand on a spoken stage. The spinning kind. The round kind. The moist kind. The kind of stage with beetles and laughter and babies and dirt and snow and fresh-cut cedar.
The magic is real, and I stand blinking on the stage because of it. I'm real. I'm heavy. I'm matter. Cut me and I'll bleed. But if the Magician, the Poet, the Word, the Singer were to stop his voice, I would simply cease to be.
My Response: I will read today's Dig Deeper, reflecting on what it means to be held together by God.
Adapted from Notes from the Tilt-A-Whirl
Copyright © 2011 by Christianity Today International/Men of Integrity magazine. Click here
September 9, 2011
A fitting reminder for this weekend.
http://event.cbn.com/7daysablaze/2011/?EventID=120839&cpid=1109081
LTG (Ret.) Boykin starts speaking at about the seven minute mark of the presentation.
Lieutenant General (Ret) William “Jerry” Boykin
http://event.cbn.com/7daysablaze/2011/?EventID=120839&cpid=1109081
LTG (Ret.) Boykin starts speaking at about the seven minute mark of the presentation.
Lieutenant General (Ret) William “Jerry” Boykin
September 8, 2011
September: Revival
If we surrender our hearts to God we may expect a wondrous enlargement. And who knows what He can do if we take our hands off and let Him work?
The Root of the Righteous, 130.
________________________________
September 8
Revival: God In Our Midst
And He said, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."
Then he said to Him, "If Your Presence does not go with us, do not bring us up from here."
-Exodus 33:14-15
In what I have to say I may not be joined by any ground swell of public opinion, but I have a charge to make against the church. We are not consciously aware of God in our midst. We do not seem to sense the tragedy of having almost completely lost the awareness of His presence....
Revival and blessing come to the church when we stop looking at a picture of God and look at God Himself. Revival comes when, no longer satisfied just to know about a God in history, we meet the conditions of finding Him in living, personal experience....
Modern mankind can go everywhere, do everything and be completely curious about the universe. But only a rare person now and then is curious enough to want to know God. Men Who Met God, 121-122,127.
"Oh Lord, show me Your glory. I don't want to be satisfied with just a second-hand picture of You; I want to sense Your living presence with me today. I long to know You. Amen."
________________________________
Today's "Insight for Leaders" is taken by permission from the book, Tozer on Christian Leadership, published by WingSpread Publishers
If we surrender our hearts to God we may expect a wondrous enlargement. And who knows what He can do if we take our hands off and let Him work?
The Root of the Righteous, 130.
________________________________
September 8
Revival: God In Our Midst
And He said, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."
Then he said to Him, "If Your Presence does not go with us, do not bring us up from here."
-Exodus 33:14-15
In what I have to say I may not be joined by any ground swell of public opinion, but I have a charge to make against the church. We are not consciously aware of God in our midst. We do not seem to sense the tragedy of having almost completely lost the awareness of His presence....
Revival and blessing come to the church when we stop looking at a picture of God and look at God Himself. Revival comes when, no longer satisfied just to know about a God in history, we meet the conditions of finding Him in living, personal experience....
Modern mankind can go everywhere, do everything and be completely curious about the universe. But only a rare person now and then is curious enough to want to know God. Men Who Met God, 121-122,127.
"Oh Lord, show me Your glory. I don't want to be satisfied with just a second-hand picture of You; I want to sense Your living presence with me today. I long to know You. Amen."
________________________________
Today's "Insight for Leaders" is taken by permission from the book, Tozer on Christian Leadership, published by WingSpread Publishers
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
September 7, 2011
Does Your Husband Need Encouragement?
Three simple suggestions to help strengthen your marriage.
Nancy C. Anderson
The word encouragement, literally translated from French, means to give someone else your courage. Courage, then, is like love—the more you give it away, the more you have.
Ladies, you may think that men have plenty of courage and they don't need any of ours—but you're wrong. I've made a discovery that will change the way you look at your strong, capable husband: Sometimes he still feels like a little boy.
When your hubby is rejected by a job interviewer who's half his age, he feels defeated. If he's told that his credit rating isn't good enough to get the low-rate car loan, he feels like a failure. He needs to be reassured that you still think he's wonderful, even if the rest of the world doesn't.
We all need to be encouraged. If you help your mate in the following three ways, your home and heart will be a safe haven, and you'll both look forward to being there—together.
Helping hands
Because Ron and I have learned to give each other our courage, we've weathered storms that might have drowned us. We had a financial crisis in the early 1990s. The California real estate prices went so low, they almost sank into the Pacific. We owned a vacant rental house that no one wanted to lease, and we watched our bank balance fall as our credit-card debt rose. We had some very lean years.
I learned to help with my hands by cutting back on luxuries like going to the car wash—I cleaned it myself—and instead of having my hair highlighted at the salon, I bought a kit at the beauty supply store. I also used my hands to clip grocery coupons so I could save money on home-cooked meals. My cooking is so awful, though, I think Ron would have preferred to just eat the coupons.
When Ron saw that I was doing things to help solve our problems, it made him feel like we were on the same team and encouraged him to persevere through that temporary setback.
Another way to use your hands to encourage is through touching. (No ... not that kind of touching.) I'm talking about a reassuring touch when you're driving in the car, sitting at church, or watching TV. Reach for your mate's hand when you're walking through a parking lot.
Men are human beings—trust me on that—and all humans need lots of contact with other humans. Women get to touch and cuddle with the kids, and girlfriends often hug each other, fix each other's hair, and sit close together. Men, however, rarely get any contact from other men. And when they do, they usually just make grunting noises and slap each other on the back. Not very tender.
One woman came to talk with me because her marriage was boring. She said, "I don't ever initiate a touch because he always thinks it's a sexual advance." I told her, "He's probably starved for your touch and thinks the only way to get it is through sex. For the next week, touch him more, not less."
She looked at me as if I'd just told her to shoot herself in the foot. "He needs to get used to your touch again," I continued. "My advice is to hold his hand or kiss his cheek when you're somewhere you couldn't possibly have sex, like at a restaurant, in church, or at family gatherings."
"Okay," she agreed reluctantly. "I'll do it for one week, but you'd better be right." The next time I saw her she reported that they were both more affectionate and happier than they'd been in years.
Listening ears
Men are also encouraged by wives who understand them. The best way to understand our husbands is to listen to them when they do talk ... when they talk about their childhood disappointments and triumphs, or their dreams about the future. Ask questions like, "What did you daydream about when you were a little boy?" or "What countries do you want to visit when we retire?" When we take the time to care about their answers, it shows that we care about them.
Just the other evening I asked Ron, "What was the first movie you ever saw in a theater?"
He thought about it for a minute, laughed aloud, and said, "Well, the first time I went to a theater I didn't see the movie; I just saw the bathroom."
I was afraid to ask, but I forged on. "What happened?"
"There was a theater a few doors down from our house in St. Louis, and one summer afternoon I went there with my friends Jimmy Joe and Skidmark."
I laughed, "Skidmark?"
"Trust me, you don't want to know how he got his nickname. The three of us tried to sneak into the theater because we didn't have any money, but the manager saw us lurking near the back door and told us to leave. We were mad at him, so we decided to pay him back. So we stood on our tiptoes, peeked into the open bathroom window, and threw in a stink bomb!"
Ron was laughing so hard at the memory that he had to stop to catch his breath.
I was horrified, but didn't let it show. "The three of us ran around to the front of the theater," he continued, "and laughed our heads off as we watched the people tumble out of the door, gasping for fresh air."
I was thrilled to see Ron so happy about reliving his childhood, so I said, "Tell me another story."
He told me several crazy tales about his unsupervised childhood, and some of the silly—and dangerous—things he did with his cousin Larry. I've learned, through the years, not to interrupt him or be critical of his youthful tales of reckless antics. I just laugh, smile, nod, and listen.
Later that evening, when we were lying in bed, he held my hand and said, "You're a good wife." But I think he really meant, "You're a good listener."
Lip service: The power of a compliment
The Bible tells us to encourage each other—to build each other up (1 Thessalonians 5:11). One of the easiest ways to encourage someone is to give that person a sincere compliment.
Men and women have affairs for many different reasons, but a common complaint of both sexes is the lack of praise and the abundance of criticism from their spouses. If a person at the office is quick to compliment and a person at home is quick to criticize, which one would you be attracted to?
Florence Littauer, in her book After Every Wedding Comes a Marriage, devoted a whole chapter to "The Other Woman." She tells the female reader to imagine what the woman who's plotting to steal your husband might say to him. Compare that to what you say to him.
Another excellent way to compliment your mate is to praise him or her in front of someone else. You'll get bonus points for this. Ron is proud that I'm a writer, and he often brags about my accomplishments in front of other people. "Did you know that my wife, the genius, has had another story published?"
I try to praise Ron in front of our son, Nick. "Did you know that Dad passed a really hard test and now he's a Financial Planner? I'm proud of him, aren't you?"
Barb, an acquaintance, admits that the downfall of her marriage began with the constant flow of criticism through her mind and out of her mouth. She now feels that if she'd made a conscious decision to turn off the negative cycle, her husband wouldn't have chosen to find his solace in hours of peaceful conversations with the "other woman."
Sometimes, of course, you need to talk to each other about problems or shortcomings. But if your attitude is usually one of praise, your spouse will be more likely to accept your constructive criticism.
Every marriage has problems and conflicts, but don't be discouraged. Through prayer, God can give each of us His strength and comfort. He wants to build us up and encourage us as couples. You'll have the strength to face uncertain times if you ask for the guidance of your Certain Savior.
Taken from: Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome © 2004 by Nancy C. Andersen. Published by Kregel Publications, Grand Rapids, Michigan. Used by permission of the publisher. All rights reserved
Three simple suggestions to help strengthen your marriage.
Nancy C. Anderson
The word encouragement, literally translated from French, means to give someone else your courage. Courage, then, is like love—the more you give it away, the more you have.
Ladies, you may think that men have plenty of courage and they don't need any of ours—but you're wrong. I've made a discovery that will change the way you look at your strong, capable husband: Sometimes he still feels like a little boy.
When your hubby is rejected by a job interviewer who's half his age, he feels defeated. If he's told that his credit rating isn't good enough to get the low-rate car loan, he feels like a failure. He needs to be reassured that you still think he's wonderful, even if the rest of the world doesn't.
We all need to be encouraged. If you help your mate in the following three ways, your home and heart will be a safe haven, and you'll both look forward to being there—together.
Helping hands
Because Ron and I have learned to give each other our courage, we've weathered storms that might have drowned us. We had a financial crisis in the early 1990s. The California real estate prices went so low, they almost sank into the Pacific. We owned a vacant rental house that no one wanted to lease, and we watched our bank balance fall as our credit-card debt rose. We had some very lean years.
I learned to help with my hands by cutting back on luxuries like going to the car wash—I cleaned it myself—and instead of having my hair highlighted at the salon, I bought a kit at the beauty supply store. I also used my hands to clip grocery coupons so I could save money on home-cooked meals. My cooking is so awful, though, I think Ron would have preferred to just eat the coupons.
When Ron saw that I was doing things to help solve our problems, it made him feel like we were on the same team and encouraged him to persevere through that temporary setback.
Another way to use your hands to encourage is through touching. (No ... not that kind of touching.) I'm talking about a reassuring touch when you're driving in the car, sitting at church, or watching TV. Reach for your mate's hand when you're walking through a parking lot.
Men are human beings—trust me on that—and all humans need lots of contact with other humans. Women get to touch and cuddle with the kids, and girlfriends often hug each other, fix each other's hair, and sit close together. Men, however, rarely get any contact from other men. And when they do, they usually just make grunting noises and slap each other on the back. Not very tender.
One woman came to talk with me because her marriage was boring. She said, "I don't ever initiate a touch because he always thinks it's a sexual advance." I told her, "He's probably starved for your touch and thinks the only way to get it is through sex. For the next week, touch him more, not less."
She looked at me as if I'd just told her to shoot herself in the foot. "He needs to get used to your touch again," I continued. "My advice is to hold his hand or kiss his cheek when you're somewhere you couldn't possibly have sex, like at a restaurant, in church, or at family gatherings."
"Okay," she agreed reluctantly. "I'll do it for one week, but you'd better be right." The next time I saw her she reported that they were both more affectionate and happier than they'd been in years.
Listening ears
Men are also encouraged by wives who understand them. The best way to understand our husbands is to listen to them when they do talk ... when they talk about their childhood disappointments and triumphs, or their dreams about the future. Ask questions like, "What did you daydream about when you were a little boy?" or "What countries do you want to visit when we retire?" When we take the time to care about their answers, it shows that we care about them.
Just the other evening I asked Ron, "What was the first movie you ever saw in a theater?"
He thought about it for a minute, laughed aloud, and said, "Well, the first time I went to a theater I didn't see the movie; I just saw the bathroom."
I was afraid to ask, but I forged on. "What happened?"
"There was a theater a few doors down from our house in St. Louis, and one summer afternoon I went there with my friends Jimmy Joe and Skidmark."
I laughed, "Skidmark?"
"Trust me, you don't want to know how he got his nickname. The three of us tried to sneak into the theater because we didn't have any money, but the manager saw us lurking near the back door and told us to leave. We were mad at him, so we decided to pay him back. So we stood on our tiptoes, peeked into the open bathroom window, and threw in a stink bomb!"
Ron was laughing so hard at the memory that he had to stop to catch his breath.
I was horrified, but didn't let it show. "The three of us ran around to the front of the theater," he continued, "and laughed our heads off as we watched the people tumble out of the door, gasping for fresh air."
I was thrilled to see Ron so happy about reliving his childhood, so I said, "Tell me another story."
He told me several crazy tales about his unsupervised childhood, and some of the silly—and dangerous—things he did with his cousin Larry. I've learned, through the years, not to interrupt him or be critical of his youthful tales of reckless antics. I just laugh, smile, nod, and listen.
Later that evening, when we were lying in bed, he held my hand and said, "You're a good wife." But I think he really meant, "You're a good listener."
Lip service: The power of a compliment
The Bible tells us to encourage each other—to build each other up (1 Thessalonians 5:11). One of the easiest ways to encourage someone is to give that person a sincere compliment.
Men and women have affairs for many different reasons, but a common complaint of both sexes is the lack of praise and the abundance of criticism from their spouses. If a person at the office is quick to compliment and a person at home is quick to criticize, which one would you be attracted to?
Florence Littauer, in her book After Every Wedding Comes a Marriage, devoted a whole chapter to "The Other Woman." She tells the female reader to imagine what the woman who's plotting to steal your husband might say to him. Compare that to what you say to him.
Another excellent way to compliment your mate is to praise him or her in front of someone else. You'll get bonus points for this. Ron is proud that I'm a writer, and he often brags about my accomplishments in front of other people. "Did you know that my wife, the genius, has had another story published?"
I try to praise Ron in front of our son, Nick. "Did you know that Dad passed a really hard test and now he's a Financial Planner? I'm proud of him, aren't you?"
Barb, an acquaintance, admits that the downfall of her marriage began with the constant flow of criticism through her mind and out of her mouth. She now feels that if she'd made a conscious decision to turn off the negative cycle, her husband wouldn't have chosen to find his solace in hours of peaceful conversations with the "other woman."
Sometimes, of course, you need to talk to each other about problems or shortcomings. But if your attitude is usually one of praise, your spouse will be more likely to accept your constructive criticism.
Every marriage has problems and conflicts, but don't be discouraged. Through prayer, God can give each of us His strength and comfort. He wants to build us up and encourage us as couples. You'll have the strength to face uncertain times if you ask for the guidance of your Certain Savior.
Taken from: Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome © 2004 by Nancy C. Andersen. Published by Kregel Publications, Grand Rapids, Michigan. Used by permission of the publisher. All rights reserved
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
September 6, 2011
No More “Stinking Thinking!”
Has your mind ever messed with you? Do you struggle with thoughts that take you to unhealthy, unhelpful or unholy places?
All of us have experienced the pain and destructive consequences of a mental hijacking. There are times when distorted, twisted, polluted thinking takes us captive and gets us into trouble. Our minds, if unguarded, can easily be manipulated by our spiritual enemy, by our own sinful self, and by the negative influences of others. We end up with a terrible condition sometimes referred to as “stinking thinking!”
When our thinking is warped, jaded, contaminated, invaded and interfered with by ugly, hellish, and sinful forces, we pay a price. “Stinking thinking” robs us of personal peace, joy and fulfillment. It affects our judgment and leads to bad decisions. It leaves us seething or sulking in anger or resentment, or drowning in anxiety, insecurity and fear. It demands that we focus on the negative and forget the positive. It makes us ungrateful and insensitive. It infiltrates and damages our relationships. It takes us to dark places of doubt, confusion and hopelessness. “Stinking thinking” wrecks lives, marriages, friendships, and fruitfulness of life.
The Bible talks a lot about our thinking. It reminds us of our responsibility to check our thoughts and fight these mental attacks. It teaches us to renew and manage our minds vigilantly and carefully.
Take a look at a couple of passages that highlight the importance of good management of our thoughts:
Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life. – Proverbs 4:23 (NCV)
… whatever is true, … noble, … right, … pure, … lovely, … admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things. – Philippians 4:8 (NIV)
In the Apostle Peter’s second New Testament letter he focused on the importance of our thinking:
This is my second letter to you, dear friends, and in both of them I have tried to stimulate your wholesome thinking … ” – 2 Peter 3:1 (NLT)
How “wholesome” is your thinking? Is your life being led by right thinking or are you suffering the consequences of “stinking thinking?”
Prayerfully take control your thoughts. Pull your brain back to the truths and right perspective of God’s Word. Arrest the influences of evil in your mind through the power of Jesus’ name. Say “no” to “stinking thinking.” And as you do, get ready for some wonderful changes in your life!
Pastor Dale
Has your mind ever messed with you? Do you struggle with thoughts that take you to unhealthy, unhelpful or unholy places?
All of us have experienced the pain and destructive consequences of a mental hijacking. There are times when distorted, twisted, polluted thinking takes us captive and gets us into trouble. Our minds, if unguarded, can easily be manipulated by our spiritual enemy, by our own sinful self, and by the negative influences of others. We end up with a terrible condition sometimes referred to as “stinking thinking!”
When our thinking is warped, jaded, contaminated, invaded and interfered with by ugly, hellish, and sinful forces, we pay a price. “Stinking thinking” robs us of personal peace, joy and fulfillment. It affects our judgment and leads to bad decisions. It leaves us seething or sulking in anger or resentment, or drowning in anxiety, insecurity and fear. It demands that we focus on the negative and forget the positive. It makes us ungrateful and insensitive. It infiltrates and damages our relationships. It takes us to dark places of doubt, confusion and hopelessness. “Stinking thinking” wrecks lives, marriages, friendships, and fruitfulness of life.
The Bible talks a lot about our thinking. It reminds us of our responsibility to check our thoughts and fight these mental attacks. It teaches us to renew and manage our minds vigilantly and carefully.
Take a look at a couple of passages that highlight the importance of good management of our thoughts:
Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life. – Proverbs 4:23 (NCV)
… whatever is true, … noble, … right, … pure, … lovely, … admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things. – Philippians 4:8 (NIV)
In the Apostle Peter’s second New Testament letter he focused on the importance of our thinking:
This is my second letter to you, dear friends, and in both of them I have tried to stimulate your wholesome thinking … ” – 2 Peter 3:1 (NLT)
How “wholesome” is your thinking? Is your life being led by right thinking or are you suffering the consequences of “stinking thinking?”
Prayerfully take control your thoughts. Pull your brain back to the truths and right perspective of God’s Word. Arrest the influences of evil in your mind through the power of Jesus’ name. Say “no” to “stinking thinking.” And as you do, get ready for some wonderful changes in your life!
Pastor Dale
August 31, 2011
A Tired, Angry Mom
Just because God promises us that all things work together for our good doesn’t mean all things are easy.
Jennifer Dyer
This article originally appeared on MomLife Today, FamilyLife's blog for moms.
Yesterday I pulled into the driveway and eldest burst into tears. Why? The realtor had put a sign in our yard. It was official. We are moving back to Texas.
The past few weeks have been an exhausting combination of cleaning, painting, packing, moving boxes, and telling people goodbye. I shipped the dog off to Grandpaw’s and sorted through every corner of the house. We put in new carpet and had two appliances and the air conditioner die in the same day. Not my idea of fun. In fact, none of this was my idea.
How am I doing with all this? I’m exhausted. I’m snapping at the kids and hubby. I have little patience with my autistic daughter, Rachel—and as you can imagine, she has had some difficulty with all the recent changes. A friend asked me to blog daily about the move because she said it would be interesting. I wanted to, but today is the first time I’ve been able to turn my computer on in almost a month. Plus, emotionally, I refused to face it in such an official manner. I feel a bit like a failure for not sharing with others who are experiencing big changes in their lives and encouraging them, but there is so little of me left to go around.
My emotions and exhaustion came to a head yesterday when eldest sobbed over the sign in the yard. Anger and bitterness swelled in my heart. It took me years to make a home here, and I don’t like being uprooted. Hubby chose that unfortunate moment to call and ask how we are doing. You can imagine my answer: “Your daughter is crying because there is a real estate sign in the yard, that’s how we are doing.”
“Are you good otherwise?” he asked, hope in his voice.
“No,” I said. “I’m not okay. I’m angry, I’m tired, I’m sad, our daughter is crying, and did I mention that I’m angry?”
That was the end of that call …
The rest of the day, I spent time in thought and prayer. For the last few weeks, I have directed my anger toward hubby. In a human sense he is the cause of this change. In light of that, I allowed negative feelings to grow in my heart. Each time I had to exhaust myself working on the house or whenever I perceived he wasn’t doing “his share” of the work, another seed of bitterness took root. Each time I told another friend we were leaving, anger watered the bitter roots. After that phone call, I realized I had grown a bitter garden in my heart. Too bad I haven’t put that kind of work into my yard …
So, what about the big picture? In truth, we are all part of God’s plan. All of us have parts given to us by the Father, and in His will, all those parts work out for good. But that doesn’t mean we are promised easy. So my bitterness and anger were a manifestation of my will and not wanting to give in to God’s plan. Yes, moving causes real emotional sadness, but I should not allow that to turn into anger, especially toward my husband. After all, he is simply trying his best to follow God’s plan. Instead, I should focus on what God has for me in the next phase of my life. Yes, I must deal with my sadness, but not in a way that causes anger. I should not lash out at others simply because I am sad and I’m not getting my way.
What to do? First, I had to honestly face my emotions—not just the surface ones and the “you hurt my feelings” kind either. I had to look deep inside and face the truth there: I am a selfish being at heart. I get grumpy when things don’t go my way. I fear change, and the easiest way to deal with that is to lash out in anger at someone else. Then I need to move past that.
I told hubby I was sad, and that I was struggling with being angry at him even though I knew rationally that wasn’t right. I had to own up to my inside issues and deal with them.
After all of this, I felt better. Yes, I am still sad. Yes, I will miss my home here. But I am not angry anymore. Whew!
May your day be blessed, my friends. If you have any issues like mine, I pray you will have the courage to face the roots and break free of negative emotions. Oh, and give yourself a big hug from me.
Just because God promises us that all things work together for our good doesn’t mean all things are easy.
Jennifer Dyer
This article originally appeared on MomLife Today, FamilyLife's blog for moms.
Yesterday I pulled into the driveway and eldest burst into tears. Why? The realtor had put a sign in our yard. It was official. We are moving back to Texas.
The past few weeks have been an exhausting combination of cleaning, painting, packing, moving boxes, and telling people goodbye. I shipped the dog off to Grandpaw’s and sorted through every corner of the house. We put in new carpet and had two appliances and the air conditioner die in the same day. Not my idea of fun. In fact, none of this was my idea.
How am I doing with all this? I’m exhausted. I’m snapping at the kids and hubby. I have little patience with my autistic daughter, Rachel—and as you can imagine, she has had some difficulty with all the recent changes. A friend asked me to blog daily about the move because she said it would be interesting. I wanted to, but today is the first time I’ve been able to turn my computer on in almost a month. Plus, emotionally, I refused to face it in such an official manner. I feel a bit like a failure for not sharing with others who are experiencing big changes in their lives and encouraging them, but there is so little of me left to go around.
My emotions and exhaustion came to a head yesterday when eldest sobbed over the sign in the yard. Anger and bitterness swelled in my heart. It took me years to make a home here, and I don’t like being uprooted. Hubby chose that unfortunate moment to call and ask how we are doing. You can imagine my answer: “Your daughter is crying because there is a real estate sign in the yard, that’s how we are doing.”
“Are you good otherwise?” he asked, hope in his voice.
“No,” I said. “I’m not okay. I’m angry, I’m tired, I’m sad, our daughter is crying, and did I mention that I’m angry?”
That was the end of that call …
The rest of the day, I spent time in thought and prayer. For the last few weeks, I have directed my anger toward hubby. In a human sense he is the cause of this change. In light of that, I allowed negative feelings to grow in my heart. Each time I had to exhaust myself working on the house or whenever I perceived he wasn’t doing “his share” of the work, another seed of bitterness took root. Each time I told another friend we were leaving, anger watered the bitter roots. After that phone call, I realized I had grown a bitter garden in my heart. Too bad I haven’t put that kind of work into my yard …
So, what about the big picture? In truth, we are all part of God’s plan. All of us have parts given to us by the Father, and in His will, all those parts work out for good. But that doesn’t mean we are promised easy. So my bitterness and anger were a manifestation of my will and not wanting to give in to God’s plan. Yes, moving causes real emotional sadness, but I should not allow that to turn into anger, especially toward my husband. After all, he is simply trying his best to follow God’s plan. Instead, I should focus on what God has for me in the next phase of my life. Yes, I must deal with my sadness, but not in a way that causes anger. I should not lash out at others simply because I am sad and I’m not getting my way.
What to do? First, I had to honestly face my emotions—not just the surface ones and the “you hurt my feelings” kind either. I had to look deep inside and face the truth there: I am a selfish being at heart. I get grumpy when things don’t go my way. I fear change, and the easiest way to deal with that is to lash out in anger at someone else. Then I need to move past that.
I told hubby I was sad, and that I was struggling with being angry at him even though I knew rationally that wasn’t right. I had to own up to my inside issues and deal with them.
After all of this, I felt better. Yes, I am still sad. Yes, I will miss my home here. But I am not angry anymore. Whew!
May your day be blessed, my friends. If you have any issues like mine, I pray you will have the courage to face the roots and break free of negative emotions. Oh, and give yourself a big hug from me.
August 30, 2011
Fourth Quarter Comeback
Have you heard of "a fourth quarter comeback?" Football fans are familiar with the term. It describes how a team turns a seemingly obvious defeat into an astounding victory, at the last minute - in the final quarter of the game. What appeared to be an inevitable "L" became a surprising "W" for the team.
There are times when we need something like this - a kind of fourth quarter comeback. The good news is, God specializes in fourth quarter comebacks! He loves to take seeming defeats and turn them into great victories.
Take a look at one of the promises God gave to His people:
hey [God's people] will plunder those who planned to plunder them and they will rob those who planned to rob them, says the Sovereign Lord. - Ezekiel 39:10 (NLT)
God gave His people the promise of a fourth quarter comeback! He told them that their potential plunderers would become the plundered, and their potential robbers would become the robbed. He promised them a total turnaround in their situation.
Many times in Scripture we see God turning the tables on Israel's enemies. When her foes seemed to have the upper hand, about to wrap up the game with victory, God would show up in great power. He came to their aid, giving help, favor and breakthrough to His people. He turned what looked like an impending loss into a surprising victory.
There's a lesson here for you and me. Don't give up in the "fourth quarters" of life. Know that the God who loves you, and the God you love and serve specializes in fourth quarter comebacks!
Pastor Dale
Have you heard of "a fourth quarter comeback?" Football fans are familiar with the term. It describes how a team turns a seemingly obvious defeat into an astounding victory, at the last minute - in the final quarter of the game. What appeared to be an inevitable "L" became a surprising "W" for the team.
There are times when we need something like this - a kind of fourth quarter comeback. The good news is, God specializes in fourth quarter comebacks! He loves to take seeming defeats and turn them into great victories.
Take a look at one of the promises God gave to His people:
hey [God's people] will plunder those who planned to plunder them and they will rob those who planned to rob them, says the Sovereign Lord. - Ezekiel 39:10 (NLT)
God gave His people the promise of a fourth quarter comeback! He told them that their potential plunderers would become the plundered, and their potential robbers would become the robbed. He promised them a total turnaround in their situation.
Many times in Scripture we see God turning the tables on Israel's enemies. When her foes seemed to have the upper hand, about to wrap up the game with victory, God would show up in great power. He came to their aid, giving help, favor and breakthrough to His people. He turned what looked like an impending loss into a surprising victory.
There's a lesson here for you and me. Don't give up in the "fourth quarters" of life. Know that the God who loves you, and the God you love and serve specializes in fourth quarter comebacks!
Pastor Dale
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)