November 30, 2010

Consider The Possibilities

What possibilities are before you today?

Each day brings a new set of possibilities. A possibility is “what might happen, what might be, what could be done.” Our daily possibilities include all the potential scenarios, opportunities and choices that come our way in every 24 hour period of time.

The tendency of most people is to think of daily possibilities as something outside of their control. We usually concern ourselves with what might happen to us, what could come our way, what external influences may impact us, especially those things that might impact us negatively. This causes us to live defensively rather than offensively — passively rather than proactively. We worry and fret, trying to guard and protect ourselves from painful possibilities or we live with a sense of helplessness about life. All of this robs us of peace and productivity.

Part of God’s plan for us involves moving us from the negative to the positive, from the defensive to the offensive, from the passive to the proactive when it comes to life’s possibilities. He wants us to go into each day looking for ways that our faith and godly actions can impact the world around us.

Instead of waiting to see what might happen to us, we are called to make good things happen by the thoughts we think, the words we speak and the things we do. We are to be God’s agents of blessing, transformation, reconciliation, service and love, transforming the environment around us rather than reflecting it or reacting to it.

This seems like a tall order. How can we have this kind of effect on our world?

The answer is actually a simple one. All God asks of us is that we live our lives as His “seed sowers.”

Over time the right seeds change an environment:

Planting peace in a hostile environment can change it.

Planting forgiveness in the face of resentment can heal a relationship.

Planting order in an atmosphere of chaos, confusion and disorder can transform it.

Planting a smile in a room full of frowns can make a huge difference.

Planting hope in a heart of someone that is hopeless can inspire them.

Planting the message of Jesus in the life of someone who is lost can lead them to salvation.

Take a look at what the wise man Solomon said about sowing good seeds:

“Plant your seed in the morning and keep busy all afternoon, for you don’t know if profit will come from one activity or another- or maybe both.” – Ecclesiastes 11:6 (NLT)

What possibilities are before you today? Instead of thinking about the negative things that might happen to you, start thinking about what you might do to change the world God has placed you in. Think about the positive things you can help make happen when you plant the right seeds. And don’t just think about it, go ahead and sow!

Pastor Dale

November 29, 2010

Dearly Beloved:

We've often heard grace defined as the unmerited favor and blessing of God. Yet I believe grace is much more than this.
In my opinion, grace is everything that Christ is to us in our times of suffering - power, might, kindness, mercy, love - to see us through our afflictions.

As I look back over the years - years of great trials, suffering, temptation and affliction - I can testify that God's grace has been enough. I know what it is to question God, as my wife endured cancer over and over, and then both our daughters were also stricken. Today they are all healthy and strong, and for that I thank the Lord. I also know what it is to be buffeted by a messenger of Satan. I've been grievously tempted and enticed, and I've had enemies stirred up against me on all sides. I've been slandered by rumors, falsely accused and rejected by friends. In those dark times, I fell on my knees and cried out to God.

His grace has always brought me through. And that's enough for today. Then, someday in glory, my Father will reveal to me the beautiful plan he had all along. He'll show me how I obtained patience through all my trials; how I learned compassion for others; how his strength was made perfect in my weakness; how I learned his utter faithfulness toward me; how I longed to be more like Jesus.

We may still ask why - yet it all remains a mystery. I'm prepared to accept this until Jesus comes for me. I see no end to my trials and afflictions. I've had them for over fifty years of ministry now and counting.

Yet, through it all, I'm still being given an ever-increasing measure of Christ's strength. In fact, my great revelations of his glory have come during my hardest times. Likewise, in your lowest moments, Jesus will release in you the fullest measure of his strength.

We may never understand our pain, depression and discomfort.
We may never know why our prayers for healing haven't been answered. But we don't have to know why. Our God has already answered us: "You've got my grace. And, my beloved child, that is all you need."

Thank you for remembering our ministry worldwide to the poor, the needy, the widowed and fatherless. For information on these efforts and others, go to: www.worldchallenge.org.

In Christ,
DAVID WILKERSON

November 23, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving all!
Last Friday, ABC-7 TV in Washington did a feature on my church.
I thought that this would be a Blessing to you about how we worship in Montgomery County.
There is encouraging news after all!

Bud

http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid590098189001?bclid=590068299001&bctid=681601017001&ref=nf

November 22, 2010

What About The Holy Spirit?

Promises are powerful and important. They bring hope to us and provide direction for us. They form the foundation for our faith.

Before Jesus returned to heaven, He gave us some important promises. One of these promises was about the spiritual power every Christian believer needs; the power He wants every believer to experience.

Take a look at Jesus’ words:

“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you, and you will be my witnesses …. ” — Acts 1:8 (NLT)

Here the Lord reminded us of our need for the empowering work of the Holy Spirit. This need is described all through the pages of the New Testament.

Here is a little Bible study about the work of the Holy Spirit. According to Scripture, the active ministry of the Holy Spirit is needed in the Christian believer’s life to:

Help us understand God’s Word. (John 16:13, 15) Help us to know that we are a part of God’s family. (Romans 8:16) Give us life and passion to love and serve Jesus Christ. (John 6:63; Romans 8:11) Help us to develop and demonstrate the nature and character of Jesus Christ. (Galatians 5:16; 22, 23) Give us guidance. (Acts 8:29; 16:7; 20:22) Help us to pray. (Romans 8:26, 27; Ephesians 6:18) Bring about miraculous answers to prayer. (Romans 15:18, 19; 1 Corinthians 2:4) Distribute spiritual gifts. (1 Corinthians 12:7-11) Help us experience spiritual freedom. (2 Corinthians 3:17) Help us bear effective witness for Jesus Christ. (Acts 1:8) Bring unity to Jesus’ church. (Ephesians 4:3-6) Wow! The Holy Spirit is an important part of a Christian’s life. This means that we should be seeking, asking, hungering and thirsting for the fullness of His presence in our lives!

Have you asked Jesus to fill you with the Holy Spirit? Are you seeking to live a Spirit-controlled life?

Remember another great promise Jesus gave us:

“If you, then, though you a evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!” — Luke 11:13 (NLT)

Go ahead, believe the promise and make your request. You can be filled with the Holy Spirit. The Lord will not disappoint you!

Pastor Dale

Novelmber 19, 2010

Three Questions to Ask Your Spouse

They'll open doors for better communication and a stronger relationship

Karen O'Connor | posted 11/17/2010

Margie and Bill faced each other in two living room chairs. Four couples observed as this husband and wife demonstrated a process they share with each other every Saturday morning.

This particular evening was part of a six-week lesson and discussion with our church home fellowship group on building intimacy in marriage.

I glanced at the three-by-five card in my hand. Bill had passed out one to each person. "This is a personal exercise," he announced. "Each partner is responsible for his or her part." The headline read: "Three Questions to Ask Each Other Every Week."

1. Is there anything that I need to apologize for? (i.e. Did I do anything that hurt you?)

2. Is there anything you need from me that you're not getting?

3. How can I be a better spouse?

I noticed my heart rate increase. There might be more here than I bargained for. Sure, I was open to a few tips. Charles and I had just celebrated 26 years of marriage and we could always use a refresher. Even so, a feeling of dread came over me. My husband and I were not the best at communicating about our own relationship. We were much better at evaluating other people's marriages!

I squirmed in my seat as I listened to Margie question Bill and then Bill ask the same of Margie. They were so honest. Not that I expected them to lie. Of course not. But could we do the same?


To Ask or Not to Ask


On the way home I asked Charles what he thought of the evening. "I don't think we need this process," he said. "We're talkers. We pretty much cover everything on a day-to-day basis."

I nodded, relieved not to wade in any deeper than we were already. And yet, I wanted to try—to see what would come up. My husband has a quick temper and I have a tendency to back off when things get hot so I couldn't predict how these questions would work for us.

And so we let it go, week after week after week. Then one day on a drive to the city, I suggested we test the process. We were in a good place emotionally and it seemed we could "practice" without the risk of a meltdown. He agreed. I started. "Is there anything that I need to apologize for?" I asked.

Charles paused. "I get frustrated by our lack of understanding each other, but it's not usually anything specific you've done."

Whew! I got by easy on that one.

Next question. "Is there anything you need from me that you're not getting?" I sensed the answer before it came.

"I'd like more sexual intimacy. I know it's not like it used to be between us (before his prostate cancer), but I'd like to at least be playful with each other."

"That would be nice, but I'm scared," I replied. "I'm older now and I'm not as interested as I was. I like cuddling in bed and a massage is nice, but …"

"Okay, we can start there."

Relief. We'd gotten past the first two questions and we were still talking. Yeah!

"How can I be a better spouse?" I asked.

"I don't know. You work hard. You're good to me. I'm happy."

Nice to hear—all of it—even the part that had scared me. Now I worried that I might not be able to answer Charles' questions as easily as he answered mine.

My Turn in the Hot Seat

He started with question number one and I was quick to respond that his temper is an ongoing challenge and I need him to apologize when he takes out his anger with others on me. "I want us to talk about that habit and make some changes."

Question number two raised the hair on my arms. "Is there anything you need from me that you're not getting?"

I had a ready answer. "I need simple kindness," I said in a quiet voice. "I'm grateful for all your help, the gardening, ironing, painting, financial management, and your support of my writing but I long for a kind attitude, bits of grace when I'm stressed or worried."

His eyes opened wider. I knew I had picked at a scab. Our viewpoint on kindness differs. He seems to see it as practical acts of help. I view it as an understanding disposition and words of comfort.

And finally, the last question about how to be a better spouse. I told Charles he is a good mate, a willing partner in so many ways that matter, and aside from what I'd said before I didn't have anything to add.


Love—and Then Some


We hugged each other, said, "I love you," and agreed that even though the questions prickle, they also release pent-up anxiety about each other that festers if it's not expressed.

Have we repeated this process every week since? No. But we do talk more often now about the "state of our union" and we ask these and other questions that cover the same terrain. We're moving closer together. In fact, just this morning, I was able to ask Charles for mercy when he spouted his impatience over something trite. He apologized. I accepted it and then he left for a meeting. I don't know how it will be when he returns. But however it is, we'll have a conversation about that.

A marriage partnership, at least for us, is not 24/7 harmony. It's about telling and living in the truth of the moment. The three questions included here can help. They've helped us. But don't stop there. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you to the questions and answers that work for you. "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5 , NIV). I can't imagine better advice than that.

Karen O'Connor is a freelance writer and writing mentor from Watsonville, California. Visit Karen at www.karenoconnor.com

Copyright © 2010 by the author or Christianity Today International/Kyria.com.

Usable?

One of the great joys of pastoring people is watching them grow and be used by God. It is so exciting to see people moving forward in their faith and using their God-given gifts to serve God and others.

God’s work in our world is a wonderful work, and it calls us all to active participation. Every believer has a part to play and a job to do. Every believer is important to God and the advancing of His Kingdom. Every believer can make a positive impact for Jesus Christ.

What is required to become such a believer — to be someone who is used by God to make a difference in our world? To be used by God there are at least three prerequisites.

The Lord is looking for people who are:

Faithful.
A faithful person can be counted on. They are learning to live life on the basis of commitment rather than emotions. They show up when they say they are going to show up and do the things they have committed themselves to do. They have learned the value of doing little things well. They have developed consistency in their relationship with God; love and loyalty in their relationships with others.

Available.
Availability as a spiritual principle means that we are at God’s disposal. We are willing to do whatever He asks us to do. We have freely volunteered ourselves to help, serve and support the work of God’s Kingdom whenever and in whatever way we are needed.

Teachable.
Teachability is a attitude that hungers to grasp and apply God’s truth. It starts with the awareness that none of us are all we want to be or know all that we need to know about God and His Word. This awareness stimulates in us a willingness to listen and learn, to study and practice the lessons and principles of Scripture, getting God’s Word into our hearts, not just our heads. A teachable spirit gives us a passion to grow.

God is looking for people He can use. He wants you to join His team and to help get His work done in the world. His qualifications for usable believers are simple; be faithful, available and teachable. It is amazing what God can and will do through people like this!

Pastor Dale

November 17, 2010

The Masculine Mandate

Richard D. Phillips

I come from a cavalry family, as in horse soldiers. My great-grandfather was a cavalry scout in the frontier West. My grandfather commanded the Army’s last horse cavalry regiment (in 1938, believe it or not). At that point, our family switched from horses to tanks, and both my father and I served as tank officers.

Of all the great cavalry movies, none holds a dearer place in my heart than John Wayne’s classic, She Wore a Yellow Ribbon. Portraying Captain Nathan Briddles, a grizzled Civil War veteran who is facing the end of his career, the Duke is a walking cornucopia of manliness. When I was a young armored cav officer, I not only watched this movie roughly a thousand times but absorbed much of its ethos. Anyone who has seen this movie can tell you that Captain Briddles’ approach to manliness can be summed up in two words: Never apologize! Over and over again, he grills his hapless lieutenants, always with the same emphasis: “Never apologize, Mister!” I am afraid that I took this counsel a bit too much to heart, with the result that my early twenties were a little more obnoxious than they needed to be.

When I became a Christian, however, I learned that not every manly saying in John Wayne movies should be adopted. “Never apologize” may sound great in theory, but in practice it can combine with a man’s sin nature to make him overbearing and arrogant. As I became more familiar with Scripture, I learned about two different words that do a far better job of summarizing how a man should live: “work” and “keep.”

Taken together, these two words serve as a summary of the Bible’s mandate for masculine behavior. Men are called to be men, fulfilling our calling before God in this world: “The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it” (Genesis 2:15). Our calling in life really is this simple (although not therefore easy): We are to devote ourselves to working/building and keeping/protecting everything placed into our charge.
What exactly do these two words signify? Let’s look more closely.

Work: to cultivate as a gardener

First, let’s consider avad, the Hebrew term translated in Genesis 2:15 as “work.” This is an extremely common word in the Old Testament, and can appear in a verb or noun form. As a verb, it most often means “work,” “serve,” “labor,” “cultivate,” or “perform acts of worship.” As a noun, it usually indicates “servant,” “officer,” or “worshiper.” Because the context for Genesis 2 is the Garden of Eden, we should first consider how avad applies in an agricultural sense. Adam was called by God to till and cultivate the garden so it would grow and bear an abundance of fruit.

What does a gardener do to make his garden grow? He tends the garden; he works it. He plants seeds and prunes branches. He digs and fertilizes. His labor makes living things strong, beautiful, and lush. As he works, he is able to stand back and see that he has accomplished good things. There are rows of tall trees, rich fields of wheat, bountiful vineyards, and colorful beds of flowers.

According to the Bible, this kind of work describes one of the two main planks in a man’s calling. Not that men are all literally to work as gardeners. Rather, we are called to “work” whatever “field” God has given us. We are to invest our time, our energies, our ideas, and our passions in bringing good things into being. A faithful man, then, is one who has devoted himself to cultivating, building, and growing.

Take a Christian man’s professional life, for example. Our calling to work means investing ourselves in accomplishing things of value. Men should be using their gifts, talents, and experiences to succeed in worthwhile causes that (if they are married) provide for their families. This can be anything that accomplishes good. A man can make eyeglasses, do scientific research, or manage a store; the examples are almost endless. But in each case, our mandate to work means we should be devoting ourselves to building good things and accomplishing worthwhile results.

Of course, our “garden” includes not merely things but people. Men’s calling to cultivate means we are to be involved in the hearts of people placed under our care—people who work for us, people we teach and mentor, and most especially our wives and children. A man’s fingers should be accustomed to working in the soil of the human heart—the hearts of those he serves and loves—that he might accomplish some of the most valuable and important work of this life.
This biblical mandate to work—here with the emphasis on cultivating and tending—explodes a great misconception regarding gender roles. We have been taught that women are the main nurturers, while men are to be “strong and silent.” But the Bible calls men to be cultivators, and that includes a significant emphasis on tending the hearts of those given into our charge.

A husband is called to nurture his wife emotionally and spiritually. This is not a sideshow to his calling as a husband but is fundamental and central to his masculine calling in marriage. Likewise, a father is called to be intentional about plowing up and nurturing the hearts of his children. Men who are seeking to live out the “Masculine Mandate” will be nurturers.

Keep: to protect as a sword-bearer

The other half of the masculine mandate is found in the word keep. Here, the basic meaning is to “guard” or “protect.” This is captured in another common Hebrew word, shamar, which is translated by such English terms as “watch,” “guard,” “protect,” “take under custody,” or “exercise care.” The word is used of soldiers, shepherds, priests, custodians, and government officials. I especially love the way God uses this word regarding Himself. The Lord frequently states that He guards and keeps those who trust Him. In fact, shamar is the idea behind the powerful biblical image of the Lord as a tower or strong fortress.

This calling to keep rounds out the Masculine Mandate of the Bible. A man is not only to wield the plow, but also to bear the sword. Being God’s deputy lord in the garden, Adam was not only to make it fruitful, but also to keep it safe. Likewise, our basic mandate as Christian men is to cultivate, build, and grow (both things and people), but also to stand guard so that people and things are kept safe—so that the fruit of past cultivating and nurturing is preserved.

To be a man is to stand up and be counted when there is danger or other evil. God does not desire for men to stand by idly and allow harm, or permit wickedness to exert itself. Rather, we are called to keep others safe within all the covenant relationships we enter. In our families, our presence is to make our wives and children feel secure and at ease. At church, we are to stand for truth and godliness against the encroachment of worldliness and error. In society, we are to take our places as men who stand up against evil and who defend the nation from threat of danger.

What greatness looks like

“The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it” (Genesis 2:15), and He is still calling on men to cause good things to grow and to keep precious things safe. If we reflect a moment, these are the commitments we tend to admire in great men, and this should not surprise us. Truly great men are servants who give themselves to a worthy cause and leaders who stand for what is right. Come to think of it, this is what we admired in all those John Wayne movies. Take away the dumb saying, “Never apologize,” from She Wore a Yellow Ribbon, and we see that practically everything Captain Briddles did fell into the categories of building up or keeping safe.

If we want to be the men God is calling us to be—men who are rightly admired and respected by those we love, men who faithfully fulfill our duty before God—then we will make as our motto and watchword the Masculine Mandate that we as men have received from God: We will work and keep.

Excerpted from The Masculine Mandate by Richard D. Phillips, © 2010. Published by Reformation Trust Publishing.

November 16, 2010

Grateful

Gratitude is a powerful attitude. It changes our perspective and feelings from negative to positive. It transforms the way we handle pressures and problems. It lifts the spirits of people around us.

It overhauls the spiritual and emotional atmosphere of any environment it invades. Unfortunately gratitude is rare. Most of us prefer to grumble and complain our way through life, focusing on the things we lack or dislike rather than on the good things we have been given. Human nature just seems to work this way.

To grow a grateful heart requires a fight. We must war against the downward pull of our human nature. We must choose to go in the opposite direction of the crowd. There is a great story in the Bible that describes the rarity of gratitude and the blessings that come to people who go against the flow of their sinful and selfish nature and express it.

In Luke 17:11-19 we find the story of ten lepers who came to Jesus to be healed. Jesus responded to their request and healed them all. He then sent them to the priests for the confirmation of their healing.

They all left Jesus' presence with a radically changed life. But sadly, none of them said "thank you" to Jesus for what He had done for them. At some point, one of these ten men was conscience-stricken. He realized that he had failed to communicate his gratitude to Jesus for what Jesus had done for him.

He decided to make this right. Take a look at the decision he made: "One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back to Jesus shouting, 'Praise God!' He fell to the ground at Jesus' feet, thanking Him for what He had done ... " - Luke 17:15, 16 (NLT)

Notice how Jesus responded to the gratitude expressed by this man: "Jesus asked, 'Didn't I heal ten men? Where are the other nine? Has no one returned to give glory to God except this foreigner?' And Jesus said to the man, 'Stand up and go. Your faith has healed you,'" -Luke 17:17-19 (NLT)

Think about it. Only one out of ten showed gratitude to Jesus. The other nine went their way self-absorbed, with no apparent thought of thanking the One who changed their lives. I suppose that the percentage is about the same today!

The one man who said thanks to Jesus had to go against the flow of his friends. He made a journey back to Jesus that others were not willing to make. And his journey was worth it. Not only did he experience joy and fulfillment by expressing his gratitude to the Lord, he also received a second blessing from Jesus that the others didn't receive.

What about you? Which group are you in? Are you like the nine self-absorbed men or are you like the one grateful man?

Let's choose to fight against the negative pull of our human nature and the flow of the ungrateful crowd. Let's be one out of ten who cultivate and communicate gratitude to God and others!

Pastor Dale

November 15, 2010

Marketplace Forgiveness
By Os Hillman
November 15

"See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many" (Hebrews 12:15).

Bill had a partner in business who took advantage of their relationship and embezzled money from his firm. He was caught and convicted. However, Bill decided to drop the charges if he agreed to repay the money. This allowed both men to gain freedom from a wrong committed.

In business and life the opportunity to harbor bitterness for a wrong suffered is great. We are given plenty of opportunities to grow bitter from relationships that bring hurt and pain. The writer of the Hebrews passage above admonishes us not to miss the grace of God so that we won't take up bitterness as a response to life's pain. He cautions us against this because he knows that a bitter root grows and grows until it eventually defiles many others through a wake of bitterness. If bitterness is allowed to take root, we become imprisoned to it.

God's grace will no longer have as great an effect in our lives. We become ineffective, insensitive, and spiritually dead. We can even become physically ill from it. God does not live in bitterness. He lives in grace. He has provided grace for every person to walk in. One day I was challenged to deal with an individual who hurt me terribly.

I was faced with a decision. Would I choose bitterness or would I choose grace? Oh, how my natural tendency wanted to choose bitterness. But God provided the courage to choose grace. With that grace came freedom - a freedom to love and even accept the person who was the source of such pain. This is the real place where Christ's power is most revealed. We cannot live without His supernatural grace. Are you in need of grace today? It is there for the receiving. It will take courage to accept it and walk in it.

This will be your step to freedom.

November 10, 2010

Slowly, but Together
I had no idea the kind of sacrificial gift my husband was willing to give.

Rachel Pankow | posted 11/03/2010

It was the day of the marathon. My running buddies and I had signed up to raise funds for World Vision to help provide clean drinking water to children and families in Africa. I was set to run alongside 38,000 other runners. I remember the smiles on our faces as my friends and I officially crossed the starting line about 30 minutes after the race had started. The first nine miles flew by and I was feeling good.

But it was hot that day. The race organizers put out an emergency alert from green to yellow and then red, meaning high risk conditions for dehydration. My legs started to cramp around the 10-mile mark, and by the 12-mile mark I'd decided I wasn't going to make it. My running partner, Anne, was sticking to the code, "No one runs alone," and wasn't about to leave me behind. Between 10 and 12 miles she ran up to our pace group then circled back to me about a block or two behind, and back and forth she'd go. At one point I told her to stay with the others or she'd wind up running a 30-mile marathon. She wouldn't listen.

I decided I needed to quit before she fell so far back she couldn't catch the rest of our pace group. I knew I wasn't going to make it another 14 miles in the condition I was in.

At the 12-mile mark I found my husband, Matt, standing on the curb taking photos. When I saw him, I told Anne to please go ahead without me. I was quitting. My legs were aching terribly. I stumbled over to him and broke down in his arms.

"I can't finish," I cried. "The cramps in my legs are too bad."

"Okay," he said. "That's fine." But then he added, "Why don't we just walk to the half-marathon mark? It's only a mile down the street. I'll walk with you."

I looked into his face. He was going to walk it with me.

"Okay," I said. I can do one more mile, I thought. Just take it easy, walk, and have Matt next to me.

My legs were still cramping, but as I walked and drank more Gatorade, they started to loosen up.

When we arrived at the 13.1 mark—the halfway point—Matt said, "What do you think will be harder to recover from: leg cramps or the disappointment of not finishing something you set out to do?"

He was right. The leg cramps would be gone in a few hours, while the pain and disappointment of not finishing the marathon would last probably forever.

"Let's go," he said. "We can do this. Let's just keep walking. You weren't planning to win anything today anyway, right? What's the difference if we finish in six hours or seven hours?"

I agreed and took a good look at my husband. He was carrying a five-pound Nikon camera around his neck, holding our daughter's purse (since she wanted to go ahead and run the last five miles with her sister who was several hours ahead of me), and dressed in spectator clothes and bad shoes.

My husband is not an athlete. He doesn't train or participate in walking or running events. He did once walk the two-mile Turkey Trot so he could get a cool shirt, though.

But here he stood next to me, offering to help me reach my goal, my dream. I knew what a sacrificial gift he was giving to me.

Walking together, I realized that I can be pretty weak-minded, more willing to give up and give in than to struggle on to reach my goal. When the pain started and the obstacles grew more difficult, I convinced myself that I couldn't go on, but my husband convinced me that I could.

Slowly but together, we walked 14 miles to the finish line. We crossed the line holding hands over our heads as though we'd won the race! And for our marriage, we had.

Rachel Pankow and her husband, Matthew, have been married 28 years and have three daughters. They live in Illinois.

Copyright © 2010 by the author or Christianity Today International/Kyria.com.

Nobemver 9, 2010

Mature?

Sulking, seething, pouting, temper tantrums, self-pity, selfishness, unpredictable emotions. What do all these phrases have in common?

These are things we expect to see in children. They reveal childishness and immaturity. They are symptoms of unhealthy and inappropriate ways of thinking and acting. They indicate a lack of develop in social skills and emotional management.

While parents anticipate these attitudes and behaviors in their children, good parents also address them. They work diligently to help their children learn healthier and more appropriate ways of acting, reacting and responding to the frustrations, disappointments, denials and pains of life. Good parents help their kids to “grow up” in the way they deal with their relationships and emotions.

Sadly, these kinds of attitudes and behaviors are not only found in younger folks. All too often adults are guilty of resorting to the same childish stuff. While the reactions may be dressed up in more refined and sophisticated clothing, at the root the issue is still the same — a lack of maturity. And adults are extremely adept at rationalizing and justifying their immaturity!

The Apostle Paul wrote about this in one of his church letters. In his observations of the church at Corinth, Paul addressed the issue of childishness and immaturity:

“Dear brothers and sisters, when I was with you I couldn’t talk to you as I would to spiritual people. I had to talk as though you belonged to this world or as though you were infants in the Christian life. I had to feed you with milk .. because you weren’t ready for anything stronger … You are jealous of one another and quarrel with each other …” – 1 Corinthians 3:1-3 (NLT)

While Paul wanted to help these believers move forward in their walk with God and in their usefulness to the work of Christ, something was in the way. He couldn’t take them any farther because of their spiritual, emotional and relational childishness. They were adults in body, but still thinking and behaving like little kids.

What about you? How many times do you resort to sulking, seething, pouting, temper tantrums, self-pity, selfishness and unpredictable emotional reactions when facing frustrations, disappointments, denials or hurt? How much childishness still remains in your life, and what impact is it having on your walk with God and usefulness to Him.

May God help all of us to grow up and leave our childish ways behind!

Pastor Dale

November 8, 2010

The following article is located at: http://www.kyria.com/topics/marriagefamily/marriage/spirituality/6m3034.html

Whatever Happened to the Full-Service Marriage?
In today's self-serve world, more and more people are longing for good service.

Alicia Howe | posted 9/12/2008

In today's self-serve world, more and more people are longing for good service. My husband, Dan, and I are no different. We've been married more than 30 years, and we're still working out what it really means to serve each other.

One of the bigger issues in our marriage has been The Great Dry-Cleaning Controversy. Most of my clothes are washable. Most of my husband's have to be dry-cleaned. For some reason, he thinks I should drop off and pick up the dry cleaning even though 99 percent of it is his! For years, on mornings when we were both getting ready for work, he would say, "Could you stop by the dry cleaners today?" For a while I did it—really, really grudgingly. Then one day I said, "I almost never have anything in the dry cleaning pile. Why am I the one taking responsibility for it?"

So we had The Discussion. Basically his answer to my question was, "You go past the shop more than I do" (which I do), "your schedule is more flexible" (which it is), "and I would really, really like not to have to worry about the dry cleaning. I guess I'm just asking you if you would do this for me."

Inside me, a voice was saying, "Like I don't have enough on my mind? Like I'm not busy?"

To this day—and it has been years since we had The Discussion—I don't fully understand why my husband is so averse to handling the dry cleaning. It's one of the few enduring mysteries of our marriage. But I still take care of it. Why? Because the few minutes it takes me isn't worth causing a strain in our relationship. Does Dan take it for granted that I make time to drop off and pick up the dry cleaning? Maybe. Is it worth an argument or simmering resentment? No way. And when I'm the one who is rushed and need Dan to do something for me, including picking up the dry cleaning, will he do it for me? Absolutely.

The Great Dry-Cleaning Controversy has been resolved by what may seem like me "giving in." But giving in is a far cry from being trampled underfoot. Servanthood does not automatically involve a disregard for our own needs. Continually choosing to meet the needs of others at the expense of our own is neither a healthy nor a spiritually sound way to live. Telling your spouse you can't attend her company's annual picnic the day before your big work project is due isn't being an uncaring partner, it's accepting the limitations of time and energy. Taking the time for an exercise class isn't being selfish, it's being sensible about your health. Asking your spouse to handle a household task that's normally "yours" when you're overbooked isn't being demanding, it's communicating a legitimate need for help.

Much of life is a juggling act. Dan might need help this week, but it won't be long before I'll be the one who needs extra assistance. Here are a few tactics that can help keep servanthood a central part of our relationships.

First, we need to decide who is going to shape the nature of our marriage relationship: Our friends, relatives, co-workers, society at large, the media—or us? Each of us is a unique individual, and marriage multiplies that uniqueness by at least two. While there are certain fundamental principles such as fidelity and trust that we know contribute to a successful marriage, no two couples are alike. If a woman finds it satisfying and pleasurable to have dinner on the table for her husband (or vice versa), it's not for an outsider to say she shouldn't do that. If a husband enjoys doing things that make his wife happy—perhaps attending cultural events that she enjoys but leave him a little cold—then that's his choice to make, not his friends' or co-workers'.

Second—though this advice may seem overused—communication is essential. If you feel that the division of labor in your marriage is inequitable, discuss it with your spouse. But don't do it when you are tired and frazzled, or when an incident has caused hurt, angry feelings. Sometimes a person may not be aware that certain duties have fallen to his or her mate. As in other areas of life, making assumptions about what others know, think or feel without asking is risky. But even when a couple have worked out a division-of-labor plan that's equitable, flexibility remains an important ingredient. Rules and "rights" should never be more important than people.

Third, servanthood is not a matter of "fairness." If I do something for Dan with the requirement that he "repay" the favor, it becomes an issue of keeping score. That's far from an act of love. A gesture of true servanthood has no strings attached and is not prompted by the expectation of reward or repayment.

Our society has talked so long and so extensively about gender equality and individual rights, it's no wonder the idea of servanthood has fallen out of favor. Yet we know that God calls us to demonstrate servanthood both in our relationship with him and in our relationships with others. That's why I'll keep asking my husband one simple question: "What can I do to help?"

Alicia Howe is the pen name of a writer who lives in Florida. She still picks up the dry cleaning.

Copyright © 1996 by Christianity Today International/MARRIAGE PARTNERSHIP magazine.

November 5, 2010

Proverbs 27:6 "Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful."

Ever seen a baby porcupine?

Fable of the porcupine

It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold. The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions even though they gave off heat to each other.

After a while, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen.

So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth.

Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. This way they learned to live with the little wounds that were caused by the close relationship with their companion, but the most important part of it was the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.

The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but the best is when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities.

The Moral of the story:

LEARN TO LOVE THE STINGS IN YOUR LIFE!

November 4, 2010

AS WE FORGIVE OUR DEBTORS
Doug Fortune

"And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors."

Forgiveness... it is not just a word, not just a good idea, not just something we are supposed to do. We can know for sure that forgiveness must be of great importance because Jesus reiterates and clarifies the subject a few verses later in Matthew 6:14-15, "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

I believe that forgiveness is a spiritual force. Perhaps it is a spiritual force as strong as faith. Allow me to explain... The word translated as "forgive" is aphiemi in Greek, its' meanings include- to send away, to bid going away or depart, to send forth, yield up, to expire, to let go, let alone, let be.

Let this life-transforming truth just soak into your spirit for a moment!... Forgiveness takes a specific debt that has already manifested and sends it away, causing it to cease to exist!
Now then, we know that faith reaches into the realm of possibilities and causes a specific possibility to manifest. "NOW FAITH is the assurance (the confirmation, the title deed) of the things [we] hope for, being the proof of things [we] do not see and the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses]." (Hebrews 11:1 Amplified Bible) In other words, faith takes things that are NOT seen and makes them a reality.

Forgiveness works exactly the same, only the other way around. Forgiveness takes a specific debt that has already manifested- a sin, a hurt, an offense, and sends it away, causing it to cease to exist. In other words, forgiveness takes things that ARE seen and makes them a non-reality. "As far as the east is from the west, so far hath He removed our transgressions from us." (Psalms 103:12) Forgiveness and faith are the cornerstones upon which all of Christianity is built!

Let this life-transforming truth just soak into your spirit for a moment!... Forgiveness takes a specific debt that has already manifested and sends it away, causing it to cease to exist!

This is SO extremely important because there is one thing in life we can absolutely count on- "...It is impossible but that offenses will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come!" (Luke 17:1) Yes, offenses WILL come... And they usually come at the most in-opportune times and through the people closest to you!

The word translated as "offenses" is skandalon in Greek, its' meanings include- the movable stick or trigger of a trap, a trap stick, a trap, snare, any impediment placed in the way and causing one to stumble or fall. offense is a trap, and many live their lives struggling in the all-consuming trap of offense.

Why do I say that offense is an all-consuming trap? Because often those who are offended easily are the same ones who seem to offend others easily, thus a vicious cycle is perpetuated. Also those who operate in the principal of offense even take up the offenses of others and make them their own. Offense is a principality of the mind that can permeate and damage all our relationships.


If He could forgive us, we can forgive others. Why do I say that?... If Christ is IN us, then His forgiveness is IN us also.


I believe that the root of offense is SELF... After all, I deserve better, and they should know that!

I once found myself in the situation of having made some major decisions based upon information and agreements made with a friend of mine. Soon I found that through unexpected and extenuating circumstances much of the information was incorrect and also the agreements were not kept. I had already made major changes based upon those decisions, and there was no going back now. I comforted myself with the truth that Father is sovereign in all things and I told myself that I was not offended... at least that's what I told myself.

It's hard for "spiritual" people to admit that we are offended. After all, how "un-spiritual" is being offended?... Certainly not me!... No, it is righteous indignation! Yeah, right.

So I let it brew under the surface, and for a long time. Then one day it all came boiling over and I gave them a "piece of my mind." As I really "let them have it" my words were met with a blank stare... they had no idea what I was talking about. That person had no recollection of any of the things I brought up. They hadn't lost a wink of sleep over my "issues." Now, don't sit there smirking too much. Something similar has probably happened to you also!

Needless to say it would have been pretty difficult for me to keep holding on to things that the other person was not even aware of. At that point, I threw up my hands and said, "OK God, I get the message!"

How many of us go through our entire lives holding on to offenses that the "offender" is not even aware of? Don't fall into the trap of offense! Offense restricts our ability to move on, to move forward. Offense is a cancer, a silent killer.

Just listen to the way the word "offense" rolls off your tongue. What does it sound like?... "a fence." Too many are "fenced in" by offense! Father did not design us to live as prisoners inside the fence of offense. Fences take away our freedom, they keep us bound within confines. Fences also do not let other people in. Just ponder the spiritual parallel for a moment... Ask Father if the "fence" of offense is there in your heart. I know that there will be some who are offended by my mere suggestion that there might be offense in their heart. The first step in any healing is admitting that there is a problem.

For the most part, offended people fall into two categories- those who believe they were treated wrong, and those who really were treated wrong. The actual facts, whether one really was treated wrong, or whether one believes they were treated wrong, is of little consequence in the devastating effects of offense. Even if it is all in your head and nobody actually treated you bad, if you believe it, you empower it.

The only cure for offense is for it to be removed from your heart... The only cure for offense is forgiveness. Remember, forgiveness takes a specific debt that has already manifested- a sin, a hurt, an offense, and sends it away, causing it to cease to exist. Forgiveness takes things that ARE seen and makes them a non-reality.

Keep in mind that forgiveness does NOT mean that what the other person did was really ok. It doesn't mean that they are "getting away" with it. It DOES mean that you are releasing yourself from the prison of offense. The question is not whether they deserve to be forgiven... the question is, how long do you want to be in the prison of offense? Don't wait for the other person to ask for forgiveness. Don't let them be the one who holds the key to your prison cell. You can't move forward in your relationship with Father if you are holding on to bitterness and unforgiveness.

Jesus felt everything you are feeling, and much worse on the cross. His response was, "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." (Luke 23:34) If He could forgive us, we can forgive others. Why do I say that?... If Christ is IN us, then His forgiveness is IN us also.

"Ok, Doug, I get it... I know I need to forgive. So give me something practical to help me DO it!" Although not exhaustive, here are some pointers I picked up from a friend on the "how to":
1. Prayer, lots of it! Ask Father to make His forgiveness flow through you. Let Father show you the other person through His eyes.
2. Do not hang on to the "victim" syndrome, don't wallow in self pity. You are not a victim, you are an overcomer!
3. If possible, surround yourself with those who love and respect you. Be a part of a body of believers that can encourage and support you.
4. Rid yourself of bitterness and anger that can build a "protective wall" so NO ONE can get in to hurt you again.

The bottom line is this- forgive even if the other person has no remorse!

In pursuing forgiveness there is rule of thumb we would be wise to observe. In fact, chances are that at some time in your life you have seen a sign on a fence that says, No Dumping! This is especially true when breaking out of the "fence" of offense- No (spiritual) Dumping!

I still vividly remember many years ago how wonderful this particular church service was going. Our pastor had spoken on offense and forgiveness, and there seemed to be such a wonderful release in the Spirit. At the end of the message there was a time for people to pray publicly or something like that. At any rate, a dear brother came up to me, as I was in the front area of the sanctuary. He proceeded to tell me (in the microphone in front of the whole church) how greatly offended he had been with me and how he had been harboring resent and ill feelings for months... but now he was forgiving me. I stood there stunned, as I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about, I had no recollection of any incident that had happened.

You see, it was all in his mind... and it should have stayed there! He basically took all his "spiritual garbage" and dumped it all on me. Of course he felt much better. I felt rotten, and I felt rotten towards him!

Don't let dealing with your offense become an offense to someone else!

Here's the rule of thumb- If it is an offense where both parties are aware of the circumstances and both parties are involved, then go to the other person and make it right. If you are offended and the other person has no idea of it, then just deal with it between you and Father. Don't be a spiritual "dumper!"

Forgiveness is perhaps one of the strongest spiritual forces that there is. Remember, forgiveness takes a specific debt that already exists- a sin, a hurt, an offense- and sends it away, causing it to cease to exist. Forgiveness takes things that ARE seen and makes them a non-reality.

I believe that the power of forgiveness can change the world. The power of Father's forgiveness toward us in the sacrifice of His Son has already changed the world. Imagine the glory of that same power of forgiveness being released through many "sons"... "For it became Him, for Whom are all things, and by Whom are all things, in bringing many sons unto glory..." (Hebrews 2:10)

This is such a huge issue that Jesus charges us, "Whose soever sins ye remit, they are remitted unto them; and whose soever sins ye retain, they are retained." (John 20:23) The power of forgiveness! This is the ministry He has given us, "...and hath given to US the ministry of reconciliation; To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the WORLD unto Himself, NOT IMPUTING their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto US the word of reconciliation." (2 Corinthians 5:18-19) If Father does not impute trespasses... why should we?

Forgiveness... not just a word, not just a good idea, not just something we are supposed to do.... it is the spiritual force that changes the world!

November 3, 2010

How Far Should Forgiveness Go?
Seventy times seven? I can barely forgive some corrupt clergy once.
Christine A. Scheller | posted 10/22/2010 10:02AM

"Forgiving love is a possibility only for those who know that they are not good, who feel themselves in need of divine mercy, who live in a dimension deeper and higher than that of moral idealism, feel themselves as well as their fellow men convicted of sin by a holy God and know that the differences between the good man and the bad man are insignificant in his sight." — Reinhold Niebuhr, An Interpretation of Christian Ethics

I wish I could believe every one of these words from Reinhold Niebuhr. Instinctually, I don't, wishing instead for Dante's hell for certain kinds of sinners—like corrupt pastors who egregiously violate their calling and never repent. In my unregenerate opinion, I believe these types of sinners should be relegated to the eighth and ninth circles of Dante's Inferno.

I've read numerous books on forgiveness. Some of them lead me to conclude that the authors have never known the kind of spiritual betrayal some Christians, including myself, have known. If they did, they could never write the pabulum they are selling.

A diverse collection of books—L. Gregory Jones's Embodying Forgiveness, Dietrich Bonhoeffer's Ethics, Simon Wiesenthal's The Sunflower, Miroslav Volf's Free of Charge, and Desmund Tutu's No Future Without Forgiveness—offer honest help for my unforgiving heart. These writers grapple with the call to forgive in the face of real evil. They understand that pop psychology and cheap theology are no match for it. The murderous societies under which most of them suffered find their Christian complement in churches that, for example, allow or ignore the sexual abuse of children and punish those who call the abusers to account.

I'm certainly not unique in having a long history with clergy misconduct ("Sorrow But No Regrets," Christianity Today, July 2007). Perhaps I have the distinction of having walked with a sex-abuse survivor and her family in their quest for justice in a famous mega-church whose leaders vilified them for their decision to prosecute—and of having faced similar treatment for reporting a suspected pedophile in this church ("Day of Reckoning," CT, March 2007).

Two years after my husband resigned his pastoral position there due to systemic corruption, our firstborn child died by suicide ("In the Valley of the Shadow of Suicide," CT, April 2009). I hold certain church leaders responsible for a multiplicity of sins, beginning with false advertising and ending with causing many little ones—including my own—to stumble.

Niebuhr's moral equivalency statement asks me to place my sins on par with those of sexual abusers and their accomplices. I instinctively don't believe it. Nor do I believe that the difference between the sins of "the good man and the bad man" is insignificant in God's eyes.

One only needs to read the parable of the Prodigal Son to see that God acknowledges a difference. When the obedient older brother asks his father why he had never slain "even a young goat" (Luke 15:29) on the son's behalf, the father explains that his younger son was dead, but is now alive, was lost, but is now found. That's a significant demarcation—one that describes not only the father's love but also the sinner's repentance.

In Matthew 18:1-10, Jesus teaches a familiar lesson that contrasts unbridled ambition with undefiled faith. It includes a dire list of consequences for those who harm the undefiled. "[W]hoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me," he says. "But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea." That's strong language. Jesus continues by admonishing the guilty to mutilate body parts that cause them to sin rather than have their bodies and souls thrown into hell. "See that you do not look down on one of these little ones," the gentle Savior warns. "For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven."

But wait. Luke the Evangelist adds something in his telling (17:1-6). Jesus ends his lesson with a far different warning: "Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day, and seven times a day returns to you, saying 'I repent,' you shall forgive him."

To this, Jesus' disciples understandably reply, "Increase our faith." And then the Lord promises that if they have faith as small as a mustard seed, it is more than enough.

Gracious Condemnation

I have seen ministry leaders rebuked not once but seventy times seven, and not one of them openly repented or was reconciled to the communities their actions destroyed. The young woman I mentioned wanted two things: change in a church that stubbornly resisted it, and an apology for the punishment she and her family received in the years following the abuse. She didn't get either. Instead, attorneys negotiated the price of an apology, and she received a cash settlement in exchange for her silence.

What is a Christian to make of that?

In Life Together, Bonhoeffer writes the following:

The first service one owes to others in community involves listening to them. Just as our love for God begins with listening to God's Word, the beginning of love for other Christians is learning to listen to them …. Christians who can no longer listen to one another will soon no longer be listening to God either; they will always be talking even in the presence of God. The death of the spiritual life starts here, and in the end there is nothing left but empty spiritual chatter and clerical condescension which chokes on pious words.
Herein lies the trouble: Repentance is so difficult both to measure and to find, and in its absence, we have such little capacity for forgiving.In The Sunflower: On the Possibilities and Limits of Forgiveness, Wiesenthal, an Austrian Jewish Holocaust survivor, writes that for a time, the world could not believe the Nazi atrocities were really happening because it couldn't comprehend the systematic extermination of a people. But before long, "priests, philanthropists, and philosophers implored the world to forgive the Nazis." Bitterly, Wiesenthal concludes, "Most of these altruists had probably never even had their ears boxed, but nevertheless found compassion for the murderers of innocent millions."

In contrast, Anglican Archbishop Tutu's 2000 memoir, No Future Without Forgiveness, describes the liberating power of public testimony and confession in paving the way to freedom for post-apartheid South Africans. Tutu commends a decision made before the Truth and Reconciliation Commission hearings to grant amnesty to all who confessed, regardless of whether or not they expressed remorse, because true repentance is too difficult to evaluate in a moment.

So how do we forgive the spiritual leaders who betray us in the absence of confession and observable repentance?

In Free of Charge: Giving and Forgiving in a Culture Stripped of Grace, Yale theologian Miroslav Volf says, "Condemnation is not the heart of forgiveness. It's the indispensable presupposition of it." Forgiveness that does not take seriously the offense against an injured party is fraudulent and cheap. Authentic forgiveness, writes Volf—whose family suffered under communism and whose brother died in a preventable accident—"cuts the tie of equivalence between the offense and the way we treat the offender. I don't demand that the one who has taken my eye lose his eye or that the one who has killed my child by negligence be killed. In fact, I don't demand that he lose anything. I forgo all retribution. In forgiving, I absorb the injury—the way I may absorb, say, the financial impact of a bad business transaction."

Don't misread Volf: In his view, discipline is consistent with forgiveness. Criminals should go to jail. Clergymen who violate church teaching (or the law) should be defrocked. Our laws rightly prohibit murder, not anger, even though Jesus said the source of both is the human heart. "Forgiveness," Volf writes, "places us on a boundary between enmity and friendship, between exclusion and embrace. It tears down the wall of hostility that wrongdoing erects, but it doesn't take us into the territory of friendship."

"Often," he concedes, "that's all we can muster the strength to do, and all that offenders will allow us. Yet at its best, forgiveness hopes for more."

Hoping Against Hope

It hopes for more, and very often doesn't get it. After my husband and I left the mega-church, we joined an Anglican church that was being sued by the Episcopal Diocese of Los Angeles over a property dispute. Six months later, the rector who had led our congregation out of the Episcopal Church was forced to resign over alleged inappropriate conduct toward another staff member. He moved to another state and quickly took up ministry in a sister church. The reformer refused to be reformed.

Meanwhile, the assistant priest—who had written his master's thesis on restoring fallen clergy—handled the crisis with considerable care. There was no question that the rector would step down, or that the recipient of his unwanted advances would be protected. Public meetings were held where congregants could express feelings of betrayal and ask questions. We were shown a diagram of possible outcomes, and were challenged not to allow ourselves to be crippled by the priest's failure.

The vestry enlisted outside support from various sources. This included a healing service for the women of the church. A licensed therapist led us through an exercise of releasing our former pastor. I hadn't been there long enough to have an emotional investment in his betrayal, so I invited the sex-abuse survivor's mother to the service, and together we applied the exercises to our situation.

Because this new faith community handled the crisis with integrity, it facilitated my spiritual restoration from the previous one. My husband and I were asked to write a letter to our bishops describing the consequences we had witnessed when clergy misconduct goes habitually unchecked. Church leaders—who themselves had been willing to pay a high price for following their consciences—heard and affirmed us. Not only that, every Sunday, we confessed our sins corporately and asked the Lord to forgive us as we forgave those who trespassed against us.

For two years, many of my prayers of confession were related to actions I had taken in regard to the megachurch. No matter how just a cause, when one chooses to act against friends and spiritual leaders, even in communities where Jesus' command to forgive is used to manipulate, and where accusations of vengefulness are thrown in anyone's direction who confronts wrongdoing, one struggles with guilt. Yet week after week, I was comforted by the post-Communion prayer "assuring us in these holy mysteries" that through the body and blood of Christ, we all were forgiven.

The Fellowship of Human Guilt

At the time he was involved in a plot to assassinate Hitler, Bonhoeffer wrote: "If it is responsible action, if it is action which is concerned solely and entirely with the other man, if it arises from selfless love for the real man who is our brother, then precisely because this is so, it cannot wish to shun the fellowship of human guilt." To this, he adds, "Before other men the man of free responsibility is justified by necessity; before himself he is acquitted by his conscience, but before God he hopes only for mercy" (Ethics).

The righteousness of Bonhoeffer's actions is still debated by theologians, if not by descendents of some Holocaust victims. So are the actions of sex-abuse survivors who sue their former churches for negligence. In my mind, there is no question about the righteousness of either cause in the face of complicit silence from the people of God.

And yet, I cannot seriously wish hell upon corrupt spiritual leaders while clinging to my faith in the mercy of God for my son and for myself. Suicide casts on those left in its wake unanswerable questions and a pall of guilt for sins both real and imagined. Thus the distance has closed in my mind between myself and all the clergymen I would so easily condemn. I yield ground in my resistance to cheap grace, because my unforgiving heart is broken, and because the sinner I am most concerned about is my son.

The prologue to Niebuhr's statement about forgiveness is this: "There is no deeper pathos in the spiritual life of man than the cruelty of righteous people. If any one idea dominates the teachings of Jesus, it is his opposition to the self-righteousness of the righteous. The parable spoken unto 'certain which trusted in themselves that they are righteous, and despised others' made the most morally disciplined group of the day, his Pharisees, the object of his criticism …. They were proud in the sight of God and they were merciless and unforgiving to their fellow-men. Their pride is the basis of their lack of mercy. The unmerciful servant, in Jesus' parable, is unforgiving to his fellow-servant in spite of the mercy which he had received from his master."

Who am I to say I won't forgive, when I know forgiveness does not mean to condone their actions or to absolve them—since God alone can absolve?Who am I to say I won't forgive, when I know forgiveness does not mean to condone their actions or to absolve them—since God alone can absolve? I am no better than the apostles who rightly understood the challenge that was before them. With them, I can only reply, "Increase my faith, dear Lord."

Mercifully, there are Christian men and women who are gifted to guide stubborn disciples like me. In his magnificent Embodying Forgiveness, Gregory Jones, former dean of Duke Divinity School, offers a definition of forgiveness that is adequate to a world full of evil and ambiguity:

Forgiveness is not so much a word spoken, an action performed, or a feeling felt as it is an embodied way of life in an ever-deepening friendship with the triune God and with others. As such, a Christian account of forgiveness ought not to simply or even primarily be focused on an absolution of guilt; rather, it ought to be focused on the reconciliation of brokenness, the restoration of communion—with God, with one another, and with the whole Creation. Indeed, because of the pervasiveness of sin and evil, Christian forgiveness must be at once an expression of commitment to a way of life, the cruciform life of holiness in which we seek to "unlearn" sin and learn the ways of God, and a means of seeking reconciliation in the midst of particular sins, specific instances of brokenness.
Each of us lives in the midst of particular sins and specific instances of brokenness. And each of us must choose how we will respond. Living a life of holiness and learning the ways of God sometimes mean letting go of our need for justice and instead embracing a world that groans in anticipation of the day when it, and we, will be redeemed.

It means accepting with humility that God alone is good.

Christine A. Scheller is a CT contributing editor and writer living in New Jersey.

Copyright © 2010 Christianity Today.

November 2, 2010

Weight Loss

The pursuit of weight loss is big business. I recently read that over $58 billion is spent annually on diet programs and products. Obesity is considered a cause or significant contributing factor in a number of serious diseases. Some have even referred to our overweight culture as a health epidemic. It’s rare to find someone who has not struggled at some level with this challenge.

Extra weight is dangerous because of the strain it puts on the body. It stresses the function of major organs and joints. It wears us down and wears us out. It hinders our activity and mobility. It affects our self-image and confidence.

While physical weight loss is an important topic to consider, there is another kind of weight problem that actually deserves more attention — the weight we carry in our souls. As surely as obesity of the body diminishes and destroys lives, obesity of the soul victimizes and debilitates millions of people.

What does this extra weight look like?

Many people carry the internal weight of:

Persistent worry, anxiety and fear.

Fomenting and fuming hurt, anger and resentment.

Haunting insecurity and insignificance.

Unshakable guilt and shame.

When these things lay heavy on our hearts, we can’t function to the best of our ability. They rob us of vibrancy, vitality, productivity and potential. They make us vulnerable to our spiritual adversary, the devil.

Take a look at a few Bible verses that encourage and instruct us in dealing with weights in our soul:

“Give your burdens to the LORD, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.” — Psalm 55:22 (NLT)

“Then Jesus said, ‘Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.’” – Matthew 11:28 (NLT)

“And ‘don’t sin by letting anger gain control over you.’ Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a mighty foothold to the Devil.” – Ephesians 4:26, 27 (NLT)

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” – Ephesians 4:31, 32 (NLT)

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” – Philippians 4:6 (NLT)

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us.” – Hebrews 12:2 (NLT)

“Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.” – 1 Peter 3:9 (NIV)

“But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong.” 1 John 1:9 (NLT)

What amazing and wonderful words. Think about all the extra weight that would be lifted from us if we simply believed and obeyed these words from God!

What weight do you need to lose? Enroll in God’s weight loss program! Let Him lift your load. Give up your extra emotional pounds by believing God’s promises and obeying His Word.

Pastor Dale

November 1, 2010

Q&A: Deanna Favre
The wife of NFL quarterback Brett Favre speaks about her faith amid suffering.
Interview by Sarah Pulliam Bailey | posted 10/21/2010 11:33AM

NFL quarterback Brett Favre's wife, Deanna Favre, has seen a lot. She chose not to abort their out-of-wedlock baby, she watched her husband battle an alcohol and pain killer addiction, she fought breast cancer, and she has experienced the spotlight again in recent weeks. Brett Favre met with NFL officials on Tuesday over allegations that he sent sexually explicit text messages and pictures to a woman who worked for the New York Jets. Deanna Favre declined to address the allegations against her husband, but she spoke with Christianity Today on how faith has helped her through the current news cycle and during her struggle with breast cancer. Favre also addresses these ideas in her new book called The Cure for the Chronic Life, which she co-authored with Shane Stanford, a pastor who has detailed his experience living with HIV. Favre spoke with Sarah Pulliam Bailey this morning about how her faith has been a central part of her response to her life's struggles.

You've gone through a lot with breast cancer and having a spotlight on your family. What are the appropriate emotional responses to suffering? For instance, can one be angry?

I dealt with that when I lost my brother in October 2004, and four days after I buried my brother, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was furious. I had a lot of fear and disappointment, and coming from a strong faith background, I couldn't believe these things could happen to me, to my family. That's what the "chronic life" is. You start to turn inward, and these patterns, despair, and depression cause us to turn inward and focus on ourselves. The message in the book and what we're hoping is to help people turn outward. The focus then is on others.

You wrote about how one of your friends told you, "Sure you have cancer inside your body, but you also have Christ." You wrote, "I will never forget those words. They were simple, to the point and incredibly true." How did your faith shape your response to breast cancer?

I think at that moment I realized, this isn't about me. God obviously didn't give me cancer, but he certainly prepared me for it. I knew there was a bigger plan. I knew that God had a reason, a plan for this, and a reason that I had it. It just opened my eyes, and when I went to my treatments and sat in the waiting room with different women, just watching these women or men going through cancer and treatments. They were sicker than me. They were maybe alone. … I started to notice other people. I also overheard conversations like, "I don't have insurance. What am I going to do, how am I going to pay for this?" There was one shot that you get the day after a treatment. I believe you have to pay up front for that one, and it's like $3,500. I thought, Wow, this is just crazy. When I was younger, I was a single mom, and if I had gotten breast cancer then, I didn't have insurance either. So I decided I would start a foundation to help women who were going through breast cancer without insurance.

How do you cope with suffering as a Christian compared with someone who might not have faith?

I think we always see the way out. Our strength obviously comes from God. We see the better way. People who don't have faith, I think they just get stuck; they don't see a way out. In the book, I hope we can lead those people maybe to Christ. They'll realize there's more to life. There's a better life, and God has a purpose and a plan for them and [can] provide hope.

Your co-author is a Methodist pastor, and you've talked about your Catholic faith. Do you think Protestants deal with pain and suffering differently than Catholics do?

I don't think so. I don't really relate my relationship with Christ to religion. Christ is the church. I'm sure we all deal the same way. We pray and look for guidance and answers [come] through Christ and God through our faith.

You wrote, "It wasn't until my bout with breast cancer that God truly showed me the importance of really responding to the needs of others. And it was during this revelation that I learned that 'response' is a Scriptural method or tool that God uses to move you through your own struggles and to redefine your priorities and life." Do you have specific Scripture passages you use to help you deal with struggles and priorities?

Oh gosh. Right now I have on my fridge Isaiah 41:9-13. I came into [my publicist's] room holding two other Scriptures in my hand: Joshua 1:9 and Luke 9:23-25. Jeremiah 29:11 — I mean, I can go on and on. There are several that I cling to that make me feel better.

What is the role of counseling in all of this? Should someone go see a religious leader or a counselor for their struggles?

Shane should probably answer that because he does counseling.

Shane Stanford: Deanna is a great listener, and she's very humble. Humility is a wonderful tool in being a counselor because your own ego is not involved in it. Whether she's a professional, I know she's a good friend because her friends say that. She meets people where they are. She knows that faith is the magic bullet, I like to say. If you can get people talking in that place and that part of their soul, it opens a whole level of possibilities.

At what point should people seek help?

Shane: As a professional counselor, the first conversation should be with that trusted friend, the person you're in a community with. It is perfectly acceptable to go to counseling immediately. It really is a personal issue in terms of comfort level. If you can talk to someone, whether that's in a professional setting or an accountability setting with a friend, that's what we talk about in the book. We say, no one should try alone, cry alone, or die alone. The point of the book is that left to yourself, you will turn inward. You want to be able to turn outward. That's where God does the most profound work.

With your husband's career, your family has been in the spotlight. Do you think handling suffering would be different if you weren't in the spotlight?

Sometimes it is hard to deal with these issues publicly, losing my brother, the breast cancer. Knowing I was going to lose my hair, knowing that everybody knew I was going to wear a wig. It's difficult to step in a public area and have people looking at you and think, That's the wig. You feel like you're in a fish bowl. As long as you stay true to your faith and who you are, you can get through anything, even the spotlight.

You decided to wait to get married several years after your first child, and you said in your last book, Don't Bet Against Me, "We were always totally against [abortion]," adding that adoption also was not a consideration.Was your Catholic faith a factor in deciding how to handle having your child?

Definitely, faith played a role in [opposing] abortion. I've always heard that growing up. That's just not acceptable. It's just not the answer, in my eyes. I couldn't imagine. I know there are some cases where adoption works for some people. I'm not saying that's a bad choice. I think it's a good thing sometimes. I probably wasn't quite mature enough to raise a child. I was 20 years old. Still, I think I was very able. That was something I wanted to do. I couldn't imagine not having her in my life.

You said it was important for you to have that time before you and Brett got married: "It was my 'life chance' and it gave me the strength and courage to know that, if I needed to, I could make it on my own." How has that changed the way you've responded to things over the years, like your breast cancer or Brett's alcohol and painkiller addiction?

By the time we got married, I was 28. I did have a little more life skill, a little bit of wisdom under my belt. I guess it made me stronger, more independent, and it could've definitely contributed to later things I faced.

You wrote "Yet thankfully, after much prayer, a lot of tough love, and an unbelievable will, Brett kicked both the painkillers and the alcohol. He is, today, the man I first fell in love with and the best father and husband one could imagine. But his journey … our journey … reminds me that all of us are susceptible to the broken places of our soul, and none of us chooses to walk into a shattered life." What do you recommend to women whose husbands struggle with something like addiction to alcohol or painkillers?

A lot of times, they [husbands] won't admit the problem. That's the first step, is getting them to admit the problem. Then it's realizing that it is a disease. It's like cancer or any other disease. You have to treat it that way and you have to get help for it. You can't be an enabler. You have to put your foot down and make sure they are willing to do that. If they continue to stay in that pattern, that's just not a healthy life.

Does your faith differ from your husband's? Is he as serious about faith as you are?

That's a good question. He's been participating in church as long as we've been married. He's not as public as I am. Some people are comfortable talking about their faith, and some people just aren't. Growing up Catholic — he grew up Catholic as well — we didn't stand on the street corner or visit houses like some of the churches in our area. It's more of a personal thing with Catholics. For me, continuing Bible studies, meeting different people who God placed in my life on purpose, brought me out of my shell and helped me communicate more about my faith. Now I'm proud to do that. It gets tough sometimes in the spotlight. This is the reason God had me here. This is my platform.

You've told several of the morning show hosts that you are handling this time through faith. Can you be more specific?

I basically handle every struggle, every day of my life, when I get up in the morning, there's devotion, when I go to bed at night, there's prayer. When I eat, there's prayer. Everything I do is centered on faith. Every struggle I face is handled that way. The many struggles we face don't stop, I'm sure something else will come. Your faith just gets stronger and stronger, and it gets easier to deal with things.

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