Bringing Out the Best in Your Spouse
James Ford
I will never forget what transpired between a former associate pastor and his wife. Sister Davis would approach Brother Davis at the end of Sunday service with her hands on her hips and attitude written all over her face. Just like a well-memorized script, she would say, “Davis, let’s go, boy. I’m hungry!” Immediately, he would snap back at her, “Wait until I get through with my conversation!”
Sister Davis would then respond, “Look, boy. We’ve been here since 8:00 a.m. and after three services, I’m hungry. Wrap that conversation up so we can go.” It would make her just that much angrier when he would coolly respond, “I said, ‘we’ll go when I finish talking with my pastor and these brothers.’”
Just as a reminder to him, she would stomp away and sulk within visible distance. This scenario was repeated virtually every Sunday for several years. After a while, when I just couldn’t take it any longer, I called her one Sunday evening and the following conversation ensued.
“Sister Davis, this is Pastor Ford.”
“Hello, Pastor.”
“How are you this fine Sunday evening?”
“Well, to be honest , Pastor, I’m trying to recover from my ordeal with my husband. He knows we’re at church nearly six hours every Sunday and sometimes we haven’t even had breakfast. Yet, after the services have ended, he has to stand around running his mouth with the fellas. Every Sunday I tell him not to do that but every Sunday it’s the same thing. The worst part is that we fuss and argue from the time we leave the parking lot, we eat our meal in silence, and then we go to bed sleeping back to back.”
“Sister Davis, I’d like to help you change all of that, if you’ll let me.”
“Of course, I will let you, Pastor. Just tell him to start being more sensitive to me on Sundays and maybe that will do it.”
“I don’t believe that’s the answer, Sister Davis.”
“Well, what is it, Pastor?”
“You know, the Bible teaches that a man needs respect. Right?”
“Yes, I know that it does.”
“Well, do you think he feels respected when you approach him while he is talking to other men, commanding him with your hands on your hips and calling him boy?”
“Now, Pastor, we call each other boy and girl on a regular basis. And—“
“Wait, please hear me out before you go on the defensive. Let me suggest that next Sunday, instead of taking your usual stance, try this instead: Don’t approach him like you’re angry. Walk up to him and say, ‘Excuse me, gentlemen.’ Then say, ‘Sweetheart, may I speak to you in private for a moment?’ When he says okay, put your arms around his waist, look into his eyes, and softly say, ‘Baby, I’m hungry. Let’s leave and get something to eat, please.’”
On the following Sunday evening, I was well into my after-hours worship services ritual, meaning I was allowing the TV to watch me. Then, my wife woke me up with an apology. She said, “Honey, I apologize for waking you up, but Sister Davis is on the phone. I told her that I didn’t want to wake you but she said that it was urgent.”
I answered the phone only to hear the very enthusiastic voice of Sister Davis exclaiming, “Oh, Pastor, I’m sorry for having Sister Leslie wake you up, but I had to let you know that I did exactly what you instructed me to. And I must say that we had the best Sunday we’ve had in years. When I said what you suggested, he said, ‘Okay, Baby.’ Then he turned to the brothers and told them he would talk with them later. He said, ‘I have to take my honey out to eat.’”
“Pastor, we had a very pleasant conversation on the way to dinner. We also had a great conversation over dinner. Then, we went home and did something on a Sunday evening that hadn’t happened in many years. So just had to tell you how much I appreciate your showing me how to be a better wife to my husband.”
I laugh about this incident every time I think about it. Now, this story could have been a reverse situation where the husband needed some advice on how to treat his wife. But the reality is that it reinforces one of God’s reasons for creating marriage—the “perfecting” reason.
Completing each other
Did you know that as a married couple you and your mate are supposed to bring out the best qualities in each other? One of the main reasons why God created marriage was to create a spiritual reception between the husband and wife to prepare them for just that purpose. In fact, I call it the perfecting reason.
The way in which God brought together the first two individuals was so that they would accept each other in their respective roles. In Adam’s acceptance of Eve as his counterpart he fulfilled God’s design for the man’s role in marriage. Adam was now complete in every sense of his being.
The same is true of Eve’s existence. The moment God created her out of the man and joined her together with her counterpart, Eve’s total makeup as a woman was complete. The couple graciously received their individual parts and the two became one flesh just as the three members of the Trinity are one God.
Together, the man and woman became a fulfillment of God’s desire for them to complete each other in matrimony. But what does it really mean for one person to complete another? And how do we recognize it when we think in terms of a marriage relationship? At first glance, two people “completing” each other sounds like the sugary words from the lyrics of an old love song. But it goes much deeper than that. It is a God-inspired idea.
When a man and woman complete each other it means they are positioned to enrich each other’s lives. And that is what the perfecting reason for marriage is all about. To “perfect” something or someone means to make it or them better. God set this pattern so that what takes place in a marriage union is that the husband and wife receive each other in a physical and spiritual way. It is how He intends for us to perfect each other.
Building each other up
In a spiritual sense, Adam was an incomplete being before God created Eve. He was physically intact but something was missing from his life. He did not have everything that he needed to match the blueprint God had drawn up for the human family that He was planning to live on earth. So, God caused Adam to sleep and took a piece of his rib to create Eve.
Now, Adam was half the man he used to be because a physical part of him was taken away. But God used that same part to create Eve. In His wisdom, this was all part of His plan to form a partnership so that the individual partners would not just coexist but they would actually complete each other.
Moreover, God gave the man and woman the ability to better each other’s experience on earth. This is a lifelong process; it doesn’t happen overnight. When you think about your own relationship, you will most likely agree that there is always room for improvement.
Well, just as He did for the first couple, God made preparations for you and your spouse to develop and improve your relationship over time. Even the little things that you do when you treat each other with kindness such as anticipating her needs, rubbing his tired feet, and sending flowers for no apparent reason. These are things that build each other up.
Brother and Sister Davis were doing just the opposite by being on a destructive path of tearing each other down. It only took a simple suggestion to help them turn their situation around. When Sister Davis acted on it, they both got the benefit.
The same applies to you and your spouse. You can only reach the kind of perfection God wants for you by showing love toward one another. This is what Sister Davis realized when she took my advice. When she began to approach her husband in a positive way, then he was able to respond favorably to her. The change in behavior that she adopted proved successful to get both of them results they were pleased with.
That change took their attention away from their negativity and shined the spotlight on their love. That’s what God is talking about.
Excerpted from Seven Reasons Why God Created Marriage, by James Ford. Published by Moody Publishers, Chicago, Illinois © 2009 by James Ford. Used with permission.
James Ford has served as senior pastor of Christ Bible Church since 1982. He is also on the alumni board of Moody Bible Institute and is president of Impact Ministries. He is the author of When a Man Loves a Woman. He and his wife, Leslie, have three children and six grandchildren and live in Chicago, Illinois.
Monday, August 30, 2010
August 27, 2010
Do You Have Unrealistic Expectations for Your Marriage?
Paul David Tripp
Jim got sick and had to forsake his climb up the corporate ladder. This brought stress into his marriage to Jen that he would never have anticipated.
Brad and Savannah got busier and busier and quit communicating as they should, and their relationship paid the price.
Brent struggled with a secret sin for years, and when Liz discovered it, it almost ended their marriage.
India and Frank always seemed to be in a battle for control. It was an exhausting marriage to be a part of.
Alfie and Sue never seemed to be in the same place spiritually.
Jared and Sally had an infectious affection for one another, but their financial woes brought much stress to their marriage.
Jung’s mother pulled her into loyalty battles again and again. It caused lots of conflict between her and Kim.
There are two observations to make about all these marriages. First, none was a bad marriage. No one was about to walk out. No one had been unfaithful as yet. There had been no abuse or violence. But none was experiencing what God had in mind when he created their union in the first place. And all of them were surprised at what they had to face as a couple. It was not what they had expected.
Second, everything that each couple faced is predicted by command, principle, proposition, or perspective in the Bible. If they had approached the Bible as a wonderful window onto their marriage, they would have known what to expect and not been surprised at what came their way.
So what are the essential wisdom perspectives that Scripture gives us that enable us to have realistic expectations for our marriage?
1. You are conducting your marriage in a fallen world.
Sam can’t believe he has been suddenly laid-off after all these years. Julie struggles with the thought of living with a man with a chronic disease. Mary feels like a prisoner in the house she loves, which is located in a neighborhood now gone bad. Sherrie struggles with the responses she has received to her biracial marriage. John often wonders why life has to be so hard.
We all face the same thing. Our marriages live in the middle of a world that does not function as God intended. Somehow, some way, your marriage is touched every day by the brokenness of our world. Maybe it simply has to do with the necessity of living with the low-grade hassles of a broken world, or maybe you are facing major issues that have altered the course of your life and your marriage.
But one thing is sure: You will not escape the environment in which God has chosen you to live. It is not an accident that you are conducting your marriage in this broken world. It is not an accident that you have to deal with the things you do. None of this is fate, chance, or luck. It is all part of God’s redemptive plan. Acts 17 says that he determines the exact place where you live and the exact length of your life. He knows where you live, and he is not surprised at what you are facing.
Even though you face things that make no sense to you, there is meaning and purpose to everything you face. I am persuaded that understanding your fallen world and God’s purpose for keeping you in it is foundational to building a marriage of unity, understanding, and love.
2. You are a sinner married to a sinner.
You and I just don’t get to be married to someone perfect. It seems true when you read it, but even though this seems obvious, many people get married with unrealistic expectations about who they are marrying.
Here is the point: You both bring something into your marriage that is destructive to what a marriage needs and must do. That thing is called sin. Most of the troubles we face in marriage are not intentional or personal. In most marriage situations, you do not face difficulty because your spouse intentionally did something to make your life difficult.
Yes, in moments of anger that may happen. But most often, what is really happening is that your life is being affected by the sin, weakness, and failure of the person you are living with. So, if your wife is having a bad day, that bad day will splash up on you in some way. If your husband is angry with his job, there is a good possibility that he will bring that anger home with him.
3. God is faithful, powerful, and willing.
There is one more reality that you have to include as you are trying to look at your marriage as realistically as possible. Not only must you consider the fallen-ness of the world you live in and the fact that both of you are less than perfect, but you must also remember that you are not alone in your struggle. The Bible says that God is near, so near that in your moment of need you can reach out and touch him because he is not far from each one of us (Acts 17:27). Yes, you live in a fallen world, and the two of you are less than perfect, but in all this you are not left to your own resources. The God who determined your address lives there with you and is committed to giving you everything you need.
What did you expect?
Because God is faithful, powerful, and willing, you can be realistic and hopeful about your marriage at the very same time. Realistic expectations are not about hope without honesty, and they are not about honesty without hope. Realism is found at the intersection of unabashed honesty and uncompromising hope. God’s Word and God’s grace make both possible in your marriage.
Taken from What Did You Expect by Paul David Tripp, © 2010, pages 20-26. Used by permission of Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers, Wheaton, Illinois, 60187, www.crossway.org.
Paul David Tripp
Jim got sick and had to forsake his climb up the corporate ladder. This brought stress into his marriage to Jen that he would never have anticipated.
Brad and Savannah got busier and busier and quit communicating as they should, and their relationship paid the price.
Brent struggled with a secret sin for years, and when Liz discovered it, it almost ended their marriage.
India and Frank always seemed to be in a battle for control. It was an exhausting marriage to be a part of.
Alfie and Sue never seemed to be in the same place spiritually.
Jared and Sally had an infectious affection for one another, but their financial woes brought much stress to their marriage.
Jung’s mother pulled her into loyalty battles again and again. It caused lots of conflict between her and Kim.
There are two observations to make about all these marriages. First, none was a bad marriage. No one was about to walk out. No one had been unfaithful as yet. There had been no abuse or violence. But none was experiencing what God had in mind when he created their union in the first place. And all of them were surprised at what they had to face as a couple. It was not what they had expected.
Second, everything that each couple faced is predicted by command, principle, proposition, or perspective in the Bible. If they had approached the Bible as a wonderful window onto their marriage, they would have known what to expect and not been surprised at what came their way.
So what are the essential wisdom perspectives that Scripture gives us that enable us to have realistic expectations for our marriage?
1. You are conducting your marriage in a fallen world.
Sam can’t believe he has been suddenly laid-off after all these years. Julie struggles with the thought of living with a man with a chronic disease. Mary feels like a prisoner in the house she loves, which is located in a neighborhood now gone bad. Sherrie struggles with the responses she has received to her biracial marriage. John often wonders why life has to be so hard.
We all face the same thing. Our marriages live in the middle of a world that does not function as God intended. Somehow, some way, your marriage is touched every day by the brokenness of our world. Maybe it simply has to do with the necessity of living with the low-grade hassles of a broken world, or maybe you are facing major issues that have altered the course of your life and your marriage.
But one thing is sure: You will not escape the environment in which God has chosen you to live. It is not an accident that you are conducting your marriage in this broken world. It is not an accident that you have to deal with the things you do. None of this is fate, chance, or luck. It is all part of God’s redemptive plan. Acts 17 says that he determines the exact place where you live and the exact length of your life. He knows where you live, and he is not surprised at what you are facing.
Even though you face things that make no sense to you, there is meaning and purpose to everything you face. I am persuaded that understanding your fallen world and God’s purpose for keeping you in it is foundational to building a marriage of unity, understanding, and love.
2. You are a sinner married to a sinner.
You and I just don’t get to be married to someone perfect. It seems true when you read it, but even though this seems obvious, many people get married with unrealistic expectations about who they are marrying.
Here is the point: You both bring something into your marriage that is destructive to what a marriage needs and must do. That thing is called sin. Most of the troubles we face in marriage are not intentional or personal. In most marriage situations, you do not face difficulty because your spouse intentionally did something to make your life difficult.
Yes, in moments of anger that may happen. But most often, what is really happening is that your life is being affected by the sin, weakness, and failure of the person you are living with. So, if your wife is having a bad day, that bad day will splash up on you in some way. If your husband is angry with his job, there is a good possibility that he will bring that anger home with him.
3. God is faithful, powerful, and willing.
There is one more reality that you have to include as you are trying to look at your marriage as realistically as possible. Not only must you consider the fallen-ness of the world you live in and the fact that both of you are less than perfect, but you must also remember that you are not alone in your struggle. The Bible says that God is near, so near that in your moment of need you can reach out and touch him because he is not far from each one of us (Acts 17:27). Yes, you live in a fallen world, and the two of you are less than perfect, but in all this you are not left to your own resources. The God who determined your address lives there with you and is committed to giving you everything you need.
What did you expect?
Because God is faithful, powerful, and willing, you can be realistic and hopeful about your marriage at the very same time. Realistic expectations are not about hope without honesty, and they are not about honesty without hope. Realism is found at the intersection of unabashed honesty and uncompromising hope. God’s Word and God’s grace make both possible in your marriage.
Taken from What Did You Expect by Paul David Tripp, © 2010, pages 20-26. Used by permission of Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers, Wheaton, Illinois, 60187, www.crossway.org.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
August 26, 2010
The High Value of Helpers
What kind of helper are you?
Behind the greatest accomplishments. organizations and movements are relatively unknown, unsung heroes — great helpers. These “quiet giants” work in the unnoticed places, supporting and serving others with an untiring and undeterred commitment to the mission. Nothing ever happens of any significance without such helpers.
There is no doubt that one of the most respected and fruitful leaders of the first century church was the Apostle Paul. His multiple missionary journeys resulted in many church plants. Inspired by the Holy Spirit, Paul penned no less than 13 of the 27 books of the New Testament! His spiritual stature, character, wisdom, endurance and tenacity are a model to all believers. But Paul acknowledged the importance of helpers in his ministry. He could not have done what he did without people like, Timothy, Titus, Silas, Epaphras, Aristarchus, and many others.
At the end of Paul’s letter to the believers at Colosse, he wrote about some of these folks. He started his acknowledgements with a short note about a man named Tychicus. Take a look at what Paul had to say about him:
” … He is a beloved brother and faithful helper who serves with me in the Lord’s work.” – Colossians 4:7 (NLT)
This brief statement tells us a lot about a man that we otherwise know very little about. Tychicus was:
“Beloved” by Paul. There was something about this man that exuded love and that caused people to love him. He was a lovable man. He behaved in ways and demonstrated attitudes that made it easy to love him.
A “faithful helper” to Paul. The Greek word used for “faithful” means “worthy of belief, trust or confidence.” Tychicus never let Paul down. He was a man Paul could count on, and a man that Paul did count on. The Greek word for “helper” is one that basically means “servant.” It was used to describe someone who served practically, and one who proactively pursued opportunities to be a help to others.
A man who continued in service with Paul. Paul said of Tychicus, “He is a beloved brother … who SERVES with me in the Lord’s work.” “Serves” speaks of a continuing action. It was something Tychichus had been doing and continued to do. The adversity of Paul’s incarceration in Rome for preaching the Gospel had not discouraged or diminished this man’s service in the Lord’s work. He continued in service. Paul knew he could count on him!
What lessons can we learn from the example of this “beloved brother and faithful helper” to the Apostle Paul? One lesson is to understand the value, significance, and great importance of Kingdom Helpers! While very few people rise to the prominence of the Apostle Paul, we can all be like Tychicus. We can all learn to be “a beloved brother/sister and faithful helper who serves!”
What kind of Kingdom Helper are you?
Pastor Dale
What kind of helper are you?
Behind the greatest accomplishments. organizations and movements are relatively unknown, unsung heroes — great helpers. These “quiet giants” work in the unnoticed places, supporting and serving others with an untiring and undeterred commitment to the mission. Nothing ever happens of any significance without such helpers.
There is no doubt that one of the most respected and fruitful leaders of the first century church was the Apostle Paul. His multiple missionary journeys resulted in many church plants. Inspired by the Holy Spirit, Paul penned no less than 13 of the 27 books of the New Testament! His spiritual stature, character, wisdom, endurance and tenacity are a model to all believers. But Paul acknowledged the importance of helpers in his ministry. He could not have done what he did without people like, Timothy, Titus, Silas, Epaphras, Aristarchus, and many others.
At the end of Paul’s letter to the believers at Colosse, he wrote about some of these folks. He started his acknowledgements with a short note about a man named Tychicus. Take a look at what Paul had to say about him:
” … He is a beloved brother and faithful helper who serves with me in the Lord’s work.” – Colossians 4:7 (NLT)
This brief statement tells us a lot about a man that we otherwise know very little about. Tychicus was:
“Beloved” by Paul. There was something about this man that exuded love and that caused people to love him. He was a lovable man. He behaved in ways and demonstrated attitudes that made it easy to love him.
A “faithful helper” to Paul. The Greek word used for “faithful” means “worthy of belief, trust or confidence.” Tychicus never let Paul down. He was a man Paul could count on, and a man that Paul did count on. The Greek word for “helper” is one that basically means “servant.” It was used to describe someone who served practically, and one who proactively pursued opportunities to be a help to others.
A man who continued in service with Paul. Paul said of Tychicus, “He is a beloved brother … who SERVES with me in the Lord’s work.” “Serves” speaks of a continuing action. It was something Tychichus had been doing and continued to do. The adversity of Paul’s incarceration in Rome for preaching the Gospel had not discouraged or diminished this man’s service in the Lord’s work. He continued in service. Paul knew he could count on him!
What lessons can we learn from the example of this “beloved brother and faithful helper” to the Apostle Paul? One lesson is to understand the value, significance, and great importance of Kingdom Helpers! While very few people rise to the prominence of the Apostle Paul, we can all be like Tychicus. We can all learn to be “a beloved brother/sister and faithful helper who serves!”
What kind of Kingdom Helper are you?
Pastor Dale
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
August 25, 2010
Surviving a Strong-Willed Child
Tricia Goyer
I used to laugh when my mother-in-law, Darlyne, told me how my husband was a strong-willed child. That is until our daughter turned out to be exactly like her dad.
Darlyne used to tell stories about when John was a baby. She said he'd crawl to the nearest electrical outlet and want to stick his finger in it. She'd tell him no, gently slap his hand and pull him away, yet he'd return. She'd do that over and over, trying to hinder him. She'd turn his attention to something else, trying to distract him. Finally, she'd give up and she'd have to cover the outlet.
“But, I learned as he grew that his strong will benefited him in the long run,” Darlyne told me. I believed her.
A scrawny high schooler, John was told he'd never make it in the Marines. So he joined. He not only made it, but he also graduated top of his class. In the military, he stayed true to God, even when alcohol and women were readily available to him. All through life, he's lived as a man of honor and excels in his work. His strong will has taken him far.
This, of course, wasn't comforting as I dealt with my own strong-willed child. Leslie was a sweet baby doll her first year of life, but things changed once she turned two. She'd have tantrums if she didn't get her way. She would hide behind me and refuse to talk when people approached her. If I gave her a blue cup, she'd wanted the red one. If I offered a cookie, she'd want a cracker, and vice versa. Each day was a battle—my will against hers. I loved my child, but there were days when I didn't like her that much.
The parenting class "Growing Kids God's Way" helped a lot. I can't remember everything that was taught, but here are some things that I stuck to along the way.
I narrowed my daughter's choices. Instead of offering a blue cup and her demanding a green one, I'd offer both colors and let her pick from those two. Of course she'd then want the red cup, but I didn't give in. She had to pick between the two. This worked for clothes and snacks and other things. I'd still give my daughter a choice, but I'd limit those choices. After a while the battles stopped. She soon understood that I wouldn't give in to her whines.
I prepared her for interaction. If we were going to church I'd explain possible things that could happen, such as people introducing themselves or commenting on her pretty dress. I'd role-play the correct response with her. And then I'd reward her when she responded correctly. I soon discovered that with some instruction my daughter not only responded correctly, but she also soon came out of her shell and became a chatterbox.
I stood by my word. Even if my daughter disagreed or challenged me, I didn't give in. I learned that giving in was showing her that a bad attitude would get her what she wanted—and that's not what I wanted to reward. Once that no longer worked, she soon discovered that behaving well got her the best results.
I focused her strong will on positive things—like academics, piano, and friendships. I gave her the tools to excel in things she was good at, using her will as a benefit. And when the going got tough, she dug in.
Those are a few simple things that helped me. As the months passed, my daughter's attitude changed and I enjoyed her more and more. I also discovered her strong will did help her excel. Now at age 18, she is a student leader at church, she shares her faith with people others often overlook, and when her peers were graduating from high school, she'd already finished her first two years of college. There are times, of course, when my will still doesn't match hers, but I'm appreciative that God made her who she is for a reason—and with a will like that she'll be able to do many things for His glory!
This article originally appeared on MomLife Today, FamilyLife’s blog for moms.
Tricia Goyer
I used to laugh when my mother-in-law, Darlyne, told me how my husband was a strong-willed child. That is until our daughter turned out to be exactly like her dad.
Darlyne used to tell stories about when John was a baby. She said he'd crawl to the nearest electrical outlet and want to stick his finger in it. She'd tell him no, gently slap his hand and pull him away, yet he'd return. She'd do that over and over, trying to hinder him. She'd turn his attention to something else, trying to distract him. Finally, she'd give up and she'd have to cover the outlet.
“But, I learned as he grew that his strong will benefited him in the long run,” Darlyne told me. I believed her.
A scrawny high schooler, John was told he'd never make it in the Marines. So he joined. He not only made it, but he also graduated top of his class. In the military, he stayed true to God, even when alcohol and women were readily available to him. All through life, he's lived as a man of honor and excels in his work. His strong will has taken him far.
This, of course, wasn't comforting as I dealt with my own strong-willed child. Leslie was a sweet baby doll her first year of life, but things changed once she turned two. She'd have tantrums if she didn't get her way. She would hide behind me and refuse to talk when people approached her. If I gave her a blue cup, she'd wanted the red one. If I offered a cookie, she'd want a cracker, and vice versa. Each day was a battle—my will against hers. I loved my child, but there were days when I didn't like her that much.
The parenting class "Growing Kids God's Way" helped a lot. I can't remember everything that was taught, but here are some things that I stuck to along the way.
I narrowed my daughter's choices. Instead of offering a blue cup and her demanding a green one, I'd offer both colors and let her pick from those two. Of course she'd then want the red cup, but I didn't give in. She had to pick between the two. This worked for clothes and snacks and other things. I'd still give my daughter a choice, but I'd limit those choices. After a while the battles stopped. She soon understood that I wouldn't give in to her whines.
I prepared her for interaction. If we were going to church I'd explain possible things that could happen, such as people introducing themselves or commenting on her pretty dress. I'd role-play the correct response with her. And then I'd reward her when she responded correctly. I soon discovered that with some instruction my daughter not only responded correctly, but she also soon came out of her shell and became a chatterbox.
I stood by my word. Even if my daughter disagreed or challenged me, I didn't give in. I learned that giving in was showing her that a bad attitude would get her what she wanted—and that's not what I wanted to reward. Once that no longer worked, she soon discovered that behaving well got her the best results.
I focused her strong will on positive things—like academics, piano, and friendships. I gave her the tools to excel in things she was good at, using her will as a benefit. And when the going got tough, she dug in.
Those are a few simple things that helped me. As the months passed, my daughter's attitude changed and I enjoyed her more and more. I also discovered her strong will did help her excel. Now at age 18, she is a student leader at church, she shares her faith with people others often overlook, and when her peers were graduating from high school, she'd already finished her first two years of college. There are times, of course, when my will still doesn't match hers, but I'm appreciative that God made her who she is for a reason—and with a will like that she'll be able to do many things for His glory!
This article originally appeared on MomLife Today, FamilyLife’s blog for moms.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
August 19, 2010
How’s Your Heart?
What does it take to attract God’s attention? What kind of person pleases God? There are many qualities that God finds attractive in people, and all of them start in the heart.
There is a man in the Bible who teaches us lots of valuable lessons about the positive things that get God’s attention. His name is David.
After the moral and spiritual decline of Israel’s first king, Saul, God determined to raise up someone new to take his place. As the Lord searched the population of Israel, He found a young man that attracted his attention. The Lord spoke to Samuel the prophet about his find, and Samuel reported the news to King Saul:
“But now your kingdom must end, for the Lord has sought out a man after his own heart. The Lord has already appointed him to be the leader of his people, because you have not kept the Lord’s command.” – 1 Samuel 13:14 (NLT)
What disqualified Saul from being Israel’s king? Why did God decide to remove him from his office? Saul had allowed his heart to become soiled with sin, rebellion, hardness, independence, bitterness and jealousy. Saul’s outward disobedience to God was simply the manifestation of what had already happened in his heart.
Sadly, this same thing happens to many people today. Over time, through the thoughts we entertain, the choices we make and the influences around us, our hearts can become polluted with something sinful or sour. This process is usually very subtle. Unfortunately, lots of folks never recognize that this has happened until these forces have done their destructive work, robbing from us the best of God’s blessings and causing us to miss a significant part of His plan for our lives.
What qualified David to be Israel’s king? Why did God decide to place him in this important leadership position? Because the Lord looked deeply into David’s heart and found it to be clean, uncontaminated and unsoiled. There was no venom of the spiritual adversary in his soul. There was no poison in his spirit. There was no spiritual independence or rebellion in his character. God looked at David’s heart and saw a heart like His!
What does God see when He looks deeply into your heart? What ugly stuff lies in the dark crevices of your spirit and soul? What things inside of you may be hindering the work God wants to do in and through you and the blessings God desires to give you? What heart issues threaten to disqualify you from fruitful and fulfilling service for Jesus Christ and His Kingdom?
We see the passion David had for a pure heart in one of the prayers he penned:
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” – Psalm 139:23, 24 (NLT)
God looks closely at our hearts. When he finds someone who pursues a clean, pure, unpolluted heart He has found someone He can employ for His purposes. With the Lord, everything begins and ends with the heart!
How’s your heart?
Pastor Dale
What does it take to attract God’s attention? What kind of person pleases God? There are many qualities that God finds attractive in people, and all of them start in the heart.
There is a man in the Bible who teaches us lots of valuable lessons about the positive things that get God’s attention. His name is David.
After the moral and spiritual decline of Israel’s first king, Saul, God determined to raise up someone new to take his place. As the Lord searched the population of Israel, He found a young man that attracted his attention. The Lord spoke to Samuel the prophet about his find, and Samuel reported the news to King Saul:
“But now your kingdom must end, for the Lord has sought out a man after his own heart. The Lord has already appointed him to be the leader of his people, because you have not kept the Lord’s command.” – 1 Samuel 13:14 (NLT)
What disqualified Saul from being Israel’s king? Why did God decide to remove him from his office? Saul had allowed his heart to become soiled with sin, rebellion, hardness, independence, bitterness and jealousy. Saul’s outward disobedience to God was simply the manifestation of what had already happened in his heart.
Sadly, this same thing happens to many people today. Over time, through the thoughts we entertain, the choices we make and the influences around us, our hearts can become polluted with something sinful or sour. This process is usually very subtle. Unfortunately, lots of folks never recognize that this has happened until these forces have done their destructive work, robbing from us the best of God’s blessings and causing us to miss a significant part of His plan for our lives.
What qualified David to be Israel’s king? Why did God decide to place him in this important leadership position? Because the Lord looked deeply into David’s heart and found it to be clean, uncontaminated and unsoiled. There was no venom of the spiritual adversary in his soul. There was no poison in his spirit. There was no spiritual independence or rebellion in his character. God looked at David’s heart and saw a heart like His!
What does God see when He looks deeply into your heart? What ugly stuff lies in the dark crevices of your spirit and soul? What things inside of you may be hindering the work God wants to do in and through you and the blessings God desires to give you? What heart issues threaten to disqualify you from fruitful and fulfilling service for Jesus Christ and His Kingdom?
We see the passion David had for a pure heart in one of the prayers he penned:
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” – Psalm 139:23, 24 (NLT)
God looks closely at our hearts. When he finds someone who pursues a clean, pure, unpolluted heart He has found someone He can employ for His purposes. With the Lord, everything begins and ends with the heart!
How’s your heart?
Pastor Dale
August 18, 2010
The Freedom of Forgiveness
Dennis and Barbara Rainey
Without the cleansing power of forgiveness, at best marriage will be very hard duty. At worst it will be disaster. No matter how much two people try to love and please each other, they will fail. With failure comes hurt. And the only ultimate relief for hurt is the soothing salve of forgiveness.
One of the keys to maintaining an open, intimate, and happy marriage is to ask for and grant forgiveness quickly. And the ability to do that is tied to each individual’s relationship with God.
About the process of forgiveness, Jesus said, “For if you forgive men for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions” (Matthew 6:14–15). The instruction is clear: God insists that we are to be “forgivers,” and marriage—probably more than any other relationship—presents frequent opportunities to practice.
Forgiving means giving up resentment or the desire to punish another person. By an act of your will, you let the other person off the hook. And as a Christian you do not do this under duress, scratching and screaming in protest. Rather, you do it with a gentle spirit and love, as Paul urged: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you” (Eph. 4:32).
The real test of your ability to forgive comes on the battlefield when you and your spouse are ticked off and angry with each other. That is when you need the power of the Holy Spirit and must ask, God, You need to help me here. I need to move to forgiveness because You have commanded me to do so. I need You to empower me, to enable me to give up the desire to punish my spouse and to forgive.
It took practice early in our marriage, but we learned how to keep our relationship healthy most of the time by not burning excessive emotional energy on resentment. We grant forgiveness and ask for it freely—even when we don’t feel like it.
Why is asking for forgiveness difficult?
It is humbling to admit you’re wrong and to ask for forgiveness. But it’s a key action to defeating your pride. In the first years of our marriage, this was a struggle for me (Dennis). When I did admit I was wrong, I often said, “If I was wrong when I did this, I’m sorry.” I was deploying what might be called the “If Maneuver”—using that tiny word if to give myself an out, to avoid admitting my responsibility.
At one of our Weekend to Remember® marriage getaways, a husband and father of several boys boasted to me, “You know, I’ve been married 24 years, and I’ve never once apologized to my wife for anything I’ve done wrong.”
“Oh, really?” I said in a tone that urged him to tell me more.
“Yeah,” he said with obvious pride. “Every time we get into a squabble or any kind of disagreement, I just tell her, ‘I’m sorry you’re mad at me.’ I don’t admit anything. I just tell her it’s too bad she had to get so mad.”
Then with a smug grin, he admitted, “And all these years she’s never realized that I have never once apologized.”
I had the strongest urge to give the guy a piece of my mind. What a pitifully selfish attitude to bring into a love relationship!
Instead I tactfully attempted to explain that he was missing a blessing. He didn’t listen. He went away quite sure he was a very clever fellow. He didn’t realize that he was hurting not only his wife, but also himself and his children. Just think of what he was modeling for his sons.
Granting forgiveness is difficult, too
As difficult as it is to ask for forgiveness, it’s no walk in the park to grant forgiveness when you have been wronged.
I often advise married couples to take out a joint membership in the Seventy Times Seven Club. This club began when Peter asked Jesus how many times we must forgive one another. Peter wondered if seven times would be enough? Christ answered, “No—seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:21–22). In other words, forgive an infinite number of times, not just when you feel like it.
You can tell whether you have forgiven your spouse by asking yourself one question: Have I given up my desire to punish my spouse? When you lay aside that desire and no longer seek revenge, you free your spouse and yourself from the bonds of your anger.
Forgiveness cannot be conditional. Once you forgive, that’s it. Feelings may still be raw, and it is not hypocritical to not feel like forgiving your spouse. If someone has hurt you, you can choose to forgive immediately but still be processing feelings of disappointment or rejection.
Forgiveness is a choice, an act of the will—not an emotion. It may take a while for your feelings to catch up with your will. But your will needs to respond to the scriptural mandate to forgive your spouse.
What about major wrongs?
No question—there are some hurts, such as adulterous affairs or a spouse’s addiction to pornography, that are extremely difficult to forgive and get over. There may always be some pain and distrust in the person’s heart that has been so deeply offended. But we are still commanded by God to move beyond the circumstances and forgive.
That does not let the other person off the hook for completing necessary restitution and demonstrating repentance. Some boundaries may need to be erected in the relationship to prevent the sinful behavior from happening again. An intervention by a pastor, counselor, or mature friend may be required to make the sting of pain from the sin felt so sharply that the offending spouse will finally realize that the behavior has to change. No one should be allowed to continue perpetrating serious harm on a mate.
Ultimately, though, forgiveness must rule. Anyone who says, “I cannot forgive you,” really means, “I choose not to forgive you.” If forgiveness seems impossible at that point, if prayer and reading the Scriptures do not seem to work, go to another person. Seek out a wise counselor—an elder at your church, a wise Bible teacher, a same-sex friend to confide in—and say, “Can you help me get beyond this?”
As Christians, we do not have the option of becoming embittered with our spouses. The result of obeying God and forgiving is not bondage, but freedom. Ruth Bell Graham said it well, “A good marriage is the union of two forgivers.”
Adapted by permission from Starting Your Marriage Right, by Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2000.
Dennis and Barbara Rainey helped found FamilyLife, where Dennis serves as president. The Raineys have written numerous books, including Moments Together for Couples, Moments With You, Staying Close, and Building Your Mate's Self-Esteem.
This article originally appeared in the July 19, 2010 issue of Marriage Memo, a weekly e-newsletter.
Dennis and Barbara Rainey
Without the cleansing power of forgiveness, at best marriage will be very hard duty. At worst it will be disaster. No matter how much two people try to love and please each other, they will fail. With failure comes hurt. And the only ultimate relief for hurt is the soothing salve of forgiveness.
One of the keys to maintaining an open, intimate, and happy marriage is to ask for and grant forgiveness quickly. And the ability to do that is tied to each individual’s relationship with God.
About the process of forgiveness, Jesus said, “For if you forgive men for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions” (Matthew 6:14–15). The instruction is clear: God insists that we are to be “forgivers,” and marriage—probably more than any other relationship—presents frequent opportunities to practice.
Forgiving means giving up resentment or the desire to punish another person. By an act of your will, you let the other person off the hook. And as a Christian you do not do this under duress, scratching and screaming in protest. Rather, you do it with a gentle spirit and love, as Paul urged: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you” (Eph. 4:32).
The real test of your ability to forgive comes on the battlefield when you and your spouse are ticked off and angry with each other. That is when you need the power of the Holy Spirit and must ask, God, You need to help me here. I need to move to forgiveness because You have commanded me to do so. I need You to empower me, to enable me to give up the desire to punish my spouse and to forgive.
It took practice early in our marriage, but we learned how to keep our relationship healthy most of the time by not burning excessive emotional energy on resentment. We grant forgiveness and ask for it freely—even when we don’t feel like it.
Why is asking for forgiveness difficult?
It is humbling to admit you’re wrong and to ask for forgiveness. But it’s a key action to defeating your pride. In the first years of our marriage, this was a struggle for me (Dennis). When I did admit I was wrong, I often said, “If I was wrong when I did this, I’m sorry.” I was deploying what might be called the “If Maneuver”—using that tiny word if to give myself an out, to avoid admitting my responsibility.
At one of our Weekend to Remember® marriage getaways, a husband and father of several boys boasted to me, “You know, I’ve been married 24 years, and I’ve never once apologized to my wife for anything I’ve done wrong.”
“Oh, really?” I said in a tone that urged him to tell me more.
“Yeah,” he said with obvious pride. “Every time we get into a squabble or any kind of disagreement, I just tell her, ‘I’m sorry you’re mad at me.’ I don’t admit anything. I just tell her it’s too bad she had to get so mad.”
Then with a smug grin, he admitted, “And all these years she’s never realized that I have never once apologized.”
I had the strongest urge to give the guy a piece of my mind. What a pitifully selfish attitude to bring into a love relationship!
Instead I tactfully attempted to explain that he was missing a blessing. He didn’t listen. He went away quite sure he was a very clever fellow. He didn’t realize that he was hurting not only his wife, but also himself and his children. Just think of what he was modeling for his sons.
Granting forgiveness is difficult, too
As difficult as it is to ask for forgiveness, it’s no walk in the park to grant forgiveness when you have been wronged.
I often advise married couples to take out a joint membership in the Seventy Times Seven Club. This club began when Peter asked Jesus how many times we must forgive one another. Peter wondered if seven times would be enough? Christ answered, “No—seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:21–22). In other words, forgive an infinite number of times, not just when you feel like it.
You can tell whether you have forgiven your spouse by asking yourself one question: Have I given up my desire to punish my spouse? When you lay aside that desire and no longer seek revenge, you free your spouse and yourself from the bonds of your anger.
Forgiveness cannot be conditional. Once you forgive, that’s it. Feelings may still be raw, and it is not hypocritical to not feel like forgiving your spouse. If someone has hurt you, you can choose to forgive immediately but still be processing feelings of disappointment or rejection.
Forgiveness is a choice, an act of the will—not an emotion. It may take a while for your feelings to catch up with your will. But your will needs to respond to the scriptural mandate to forgive your spouse.
What about major wrongs?
No question—there are some hurts, such as adulterous affairs or a spouse’s addiction to pornography, that are extremely difficult to forgive and get over. There may always be some pain and distrust in the person’s heart that has been so deeply offended. But we are still commanded by God to move beyond the circumstances and forgive.
That does not let the other person off the hook for completing necessary restitution and demonstrating repentance. Some boundaries may need to be erected in the relationship to prevent the sinful behavior from happening again. An intervention by a pastor, counselor, or mature friend may be required to make the sting of pain from the sin felt so sharply that the offending spouse will finally realize that the behavior has to change. No one should be allowed to continue perpetrating serious harm on a mate.
Ultimately, though, forgiveness must rule. Anyone who says, “I cannot forgive you,” really means, “I choose not to forgive you.” If forgiveness seems impossible at that point, if prayer and reading the Scriptures do not seem to work, go to another person. Seek out a wise counselor—an elder at your church, a wise Bible teacher, a same-sex friend to confide in—and say, “Can you help me get beyond this?”
As Christians, we do not have the option of becoming embittered with our spouses. The result of obeying God and forgiving is not bondage, but freedom. Ruth Bell Graham said it well, “A good marriage is the union of two forgivers.”
Adapted by permission from Starting Your Marriage Right, by Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2000.
Dennis and Barbara Rainey helped found FamilyLife, where Dennis serves as president. The Raineys have written numerous books, including Moments Together for Couples, Moments With You, Staying Close, and Building Your Mate's Self-Esteem.
This article originally appeared in the July 19, 2010 issue of Marriage Memo, a weekly e-newsletter.
August 17, 2010
Ready For Change?
What one change could you make that would radically, powerfully and positively transform your life?
If you are are honest with yourself, and if you possess some level of self-awareness, you likely have identified a number of things you would like to change about yourself. Maybe it’s a part of your personality or temperament you wish was different. It might be some bad habit that you haven’t been able to shake that you desperately want to overcome. Perhaps it is a certain relationship pattern that sabotages your friendships. What’s on your list?
While we all need change, there is one change that should be at the top of our list. The pay-off is huge, if we will change this one thing.
This one thing is “perspective.” A change in our perspective is a priority worthy of our pursuit because perspective has power over our attitudes, emotions and motivation. The wrong perspective about something drains resources from us while the right perspective fuels us.
It was a wrong perspective that caused the Israelites to wander in the wilderness for 40 years. A negative perspective kept many of these men and women out of the Promised Land. It was the right perspective that caused David to see a great opportunity for God when everyone else only saw the giant Goliath. It was a wrong perspective that caused a wealthy young man to dismiss Jesus’ instructions and invitation that would have given him eternal life.
Perspective makes a big difference!
The New Testament book of Philippians is a great lesson in perspective. The Apostle Paul was inspired by the Holy Spirit to write this letter under some very adverse circumstances. During the latter years of his life, he was incarcerated in the Mamertine prison in Rome for preaching the Gospel. According to some reports, the sewage of the city flowed beneath the prison and the sight and sound of sewer rats were ever present.
In the heat and stench of this situation, chained to 2 soldiers continually, Paul was faced with an even greater challenge — how would he choose to look at his current lot in life — what would be his perspective?
Without a hint of phoniness or super-spirituality, but genuinely and sincerely, Paul declared his perspective:
“And I want you to know, my dear brothers and sisters, that everything that has happened to me here has helped spread the Good News.” – Philippians 1:12 (NLT)
Instead of moaning, groaning and complaining about the “unfair” situation he was in, Paul choose a different perspective. He saw it as something God was using to advance His Kingdom purpose. This changed everything. Instead of penning a note of gloom and despair, he was able to write what has come to be known as “the letter of joy,” all because of choosing the right perspective.
What’s the one thing we need to change that will make the biggest and best impact in our lives? Perspective!
Choose to change your perspective. You will be amazed at all the other great changes that will.
What one change could you make that would radically, powerfully and positively transform your life?
If you are are honest with yourself, and if you possess some level of self-awareness, you likely have identified a number of things you would like to change about yourself. Maybe it’s a part of your personality or temperament you wish was different. It might be some bad habit that you haven’t been able to shake that you desperately want to overcome. Perhaps it is a certain relationship pattern that sabotages your friendships. What’s on your list?
While we all need change, there is one change that should be at the top of our list. The pay-off is huge, if we will change this one thing.
This one thing is “perspective.” A change in our perspective is a priority worthy of our pursuit because perspective has power over our attitudes, emotions and motivation. The wrong perspective about something drains resources from us while the right perspective fuels us.
It was a wrong perspective that caused the Israelites to wander in the wilderness for 40 years. A negative perspective kept many of these men and women out of the Promised Land. It was the right perspective that caused David to see a great opportunity for God when everyone else only saw the giant Goliath. It was a wrong perspective that caused a wealthy young man to dismiss Jesus’ instructions and invitation that would have given him eternal life.
Perspective makes a big difference!
The New Testament book of Philippians is a great lesson in perspective. The Apostle Paul was inspired by the Holy Spirit to write this letter under some very adverse circumstances. During the latter years of his life, he was incarcerated in the Mamertine prison in Rome for preaching the Gospel. According to some reports, the sewage of the city flowed beneath the prison and the sight and sound of sewer rats were ever present.
In the heat and stench of this situation, chained to 2 soldiers continually, Paul was faced with an even greater challenge — how would he choose to look at his current lot in life — what would be his perspective?
Without a hint of phoniness or super-spirituality, but genuinely and sincerely, Paul declared his perspective:
“And I want you to know, my dear brothers and sisters, that everything that has happened to me here has helped spread the Good News.” – Philippians 1:12 (NLT)
Instead of moaning, groaning and complaining about the “unfair” situation he was in, Paul choose a different perspective. He saw it as something God was using to advance His Kingdom purpose. This changed everything. Instead of penning a note of gloom and despair, he was able to write what has come to be known as “the letter of joy,” all because of choosing the right perspective.
What’s the one thing we need to change that will make the biggest and best impact in our lives? Perspective!
Choose to change your perspective. You will be amazed at all the other great changes that will.
August 16, 2010
Joyce Meyer: Rededicate Yourself
By Joyce Meyer
Guest Writer
CBN.com
Lord, [earnestly] remember now how I have walked before You in faithfulness and truth and with a whole heart [entirely devoted to You] and have done what is good in Your sight (2 Kings 20:3).
And Jacob awoke from his sleep and he said, Surely the Lord is in this place and I did not know it (Genesis 28:16).
Many times the Lord is with us, and we don't even know it. God is there with you even when circumstances seem out of control. He is already working everything together for your good.
And Jacob rose early in the morning and took the stone he had put under his head, and he set it up for a pillar (a monument to the vision in his dream), and he poured oil on its top [in dedication]" (v. 18).
Likewise, we should rededicate ourselves to God every morning.
Give Your All to God
Before I formed you in the womb I knew [and] approved of you [as My chosen instrument], and before you were born I separated and set you apart, consecrating you; [and] I appointed you as a prophet to the nations (Jeremiah 1:5).
Every day you need to give yourself entirely to God. Say, "Lord, I am Yours. I want to be a vessel fit for Your use. I dedicate myself to You: I give You my hands, my mouth, my mind, my body, my money, and my time. Father, here I am. I am Yours; do with me whatever You want to do today."
Once you dedicate yourself to God, then go on about your business. But expect His leading all day long. Listen for His voice to direct you in the way you should go. Accept the challenge to be an instrument for the Lord's use today.
Grasp Every Chance
I will keep Your law continually, forever and ever [hearing, receiving, loving, and obeying it] (Psalm 119:44).
You can meet with God while lying in bed. You don't have to be in a private room, with the door closed, bowed down on your knees to meet God. You can meet Him in the shower, while driving to work, or when stuck in a traffic jam.
I am not suggesting that you shouldn't set apart time for God. But you should also take advantage of any time you do have that you could be talking and listening to the Lord. Don't wait to talk to Him until you have a full hour to spend with Him. Grasp every minute you can find to open your ears to His voice. Take advantage of the idle moments already available to you and spend them with God.
By Joyce Meyer
Guest Writer
CBN.com
Lord, [earnestly] remember now how I have walked before You in faithfulness and truth and with a whole heart [entirely devoted to You] and have done what is good in Your sight (2 Kings 20:3).
And Jacob awoke from his sleep and he said, Surely the Lord is in this place and I did not know it (Genesis 28:16).
Many times the Lord is with us, and we don't even know it. God is there with you even when circumstances seem out of control. He is already working everything together for your good.
And Jacob rose early in the morning and took the stone he had put under his head, and he set it up for a pillar (a monument to the vision in his dream), and he poured oil on its top [in dedication]" (v. 18).
Likewise, we should rededicate ourselves to God every morning.
Give Your All to God
Before I formed you in the womb I knew [and] approved of you [as My chosen instrument], and before you were born I separated and set you apart, consecrating you; [and] I appointed you as a prophet to the nations (Jeremiah 1:5).
Every day you need to give yourself entirely to God. Say, "Lord, I am Yours. I want to be a vessel fit for Your use. I dedicate myself to You: I give You my hands, my mouth, my mind, my body, my money, and my time. Father, here I am. I am Yours; do with me whatever You want to do today."
Once you dedicate yourself to God, then go on about your business. But expect His leading all day long. Listen for His voice to direct you in the way you should go. Accept the challenge to be an instrument for the Lord's use today.
Grasp Every Chance
I will keep Your law continually, forever and ever [hearing, receiving, loving, and obeying it] (Psalm 119:44).
You can meet with God while lying in bed. You don't have to be in a private room, with the door closed, bowed down on your knees to meet God. You can meet Him in the shower, while driving to work, or when stuck in a traffic jam.
I am not suggesting that you shouldn't set apart time for God. But you should also take advantage of any time you do have that you could be talking and listening to the Lord. Don't wait to talk to Him until you have a full hour to spend with Him. Grasp every minute you can find to open your ears to His voice. Take advantage of the idle moments already available to you and spend them with God.
Friday, August 13, 2010
August 13, 2010
How Would Jesus Impact Your Wedding Party?
By Os Hillman
"Dear woman, why do you involve me?" Jesus replied. "My time has not yet come." His mother said to the servants, "Do whatever he tells you" (John 2:4-5).
In Bible times, a Jewish wedding was a special celebration that could last seven days. It was a time of joy and celebration on behalf of the couple. Wine was an integral part of these weddings. Jesus, the disciples, and Mary, his mother, were invited guests to such a wedding. At some point during the celebration there was no more wine. Mary became concerned and turned to Jesus to solve the problem. But Jesus had not yet performed any miracles. However, His mother must have known that he was capable of doing so. Perhaps she had been waiting for the time for him to begin performing miracles.
When she proposed to Jesus that He solve this problem, he answered, "My time has not yet come." You can almost hear that motherly Jewish tone... "Yes, it has son. Please handle this emergency for me." Then she instructs the servants to do whatever Jesus tells them to do, seeming to know that He was going to solve the problem, but not really knowing how. Jesus proceeds to respond to his mother's request.
Now, my western mind imagines what the headline would be the day after this wedding, in the politically incorrect Cana's Daily News: "Son of Mary turns water into alcoholic drink - 180 gallons!" What a way to begin a ministry! Thankfully, there was no negative press.
Now the quality of the wine that Jesus made was exceptional and would have cost a fortune. Imagine, 180 gallons of fine wine! As in most miracles Jesus performed, He involved the faith and obedience of others. The servants were an important part of the miracle - as they did just what Jesus told them to do.
Have you ever asked Jesus to get involved in an unusual problem? No matter what problem you have, Jesus invites you to seek Him as the solution to your problem
By Os Hillman
"Dear woman, why do you involve me?" Jesus replied. "My time has not yet come." His mother said to the servants, "Do whatever he tells you" (John 2:4-5).
In Bible times, a Jewish wedding was a special celebration that could last seven days. It was a time of joy and celebration on behalf of the couple. Wine was an integral part of these weddings. Jesus, the disciples, and Mary, his mother, were invited guests to such a wedding. At some point during the celebration there was no more wine. Mary became concerned and turned to Jesus to solve the problem. But Jesus had not yet performed any miracles. However, His mother must have known that he was capable of doing so. Perhaps she had been waiting for the time for him to begin performing miracles.
When she proposed to Jesus that He solve this problem, he answered, "My time has not yet come." You can almost hear that motherly Jewish tone... "Yes, it has son. Please handle this emergency for me." Then she instructs the servants to do whatever Jesus tells them to do, seeming to know that He was going to solve the problem, but not really knowing how. Jesus proceeds to respond to his mother's request.
Now, my western mind imagines what the headline would be the day after this wedding, in the politically incorrect Cana's Daily News: "Son of Mary turns water into alcoholic drink - 180 gallons!" What a way to begin a ministry! Thankfully, there was no negative press.
Now the quality of the wine that Jesus made was exceptional and would have cost a fortune. Imagine, 180 gallons of fine wine! As in most miracles Jesus performed, He involved the faith and obedience of others. The servants were an important part of the miracle - as they did just what Jesus told them to do.
Have you ever asked Jesus to get involved in an unusual problem? No matter what problem you have, Jesus invites you to seek Him as the solution to your problem
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
August 11, 2010
Avoiding a Hardened Conscience
We are warned not to allow ourselves to become hardened, because if we look at the whole concept of hardening in its biblical perspective, we see that something happens to us through repeated sins. Our consciences become seared. The more we commit a particular sin, the less remorse we feel from it. Our hearts are recalcitrant through repeated disobedience.
When God hardens the heart, all He does is step away and stop striving with us. For example, the first time I commit a particular sin, my conscience bothers me. In His grace, God is convicting me of that evil. God is intruding into my life, trying to persuade me to stop this wickedness. If He wants to harden me, all He has to do is to stop rebuking me, stop nudging me, and just give me enough rope to hang myself.
We see in Scripture that when God hardens hearts, He does not force people to sin; rather, He gives them their freedom to exercise the evil of their own desires (James 1:13-15).
Coram Deo: Living in the Presence of God
Pray this prayer with the psalmist David: "Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting" (Ps. 139:23-24).
For Further Study
James 1:13-15: "Let no one say when he is tempted, ‘I am tempted by God'; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death."
The mission, passion and purpose of Ligonier Ministries and Dr. R.C. Sproul is to help people grow in their knowledge of God and His holiness. For more information, please visit www.ligonier.org or call them at 800-435-4343.
We are warned not to allow ourselves to become hardened, because if we look at the whole concept of hardening in its biblical perspective, we see that something happens to us through repeated sins. Our consciences become seared. The more we commit a particular sin, the less remorse we feel from it. Our hearts are recalcitrant through repeated disobedience.
When God hardens the heart, all He does is step away and stop striving with us. For example, the first time I commit a particular sin, my conscience bothers me. In His grace, God is convicting me of that evil. God is intruding into my life, trying to persuade me to stop this wickedness. If He wants to harden me, all He has to do is to stop rebuking me, stop nudging me, and just give me enough rope to hang myself.
We see in Scripture that when God hardens hearts, He does not force people to sin; rather, He gives them their freedom to exercise the evil of their own desires (James 1:13-15).
Coram Deo: Living in the Presence of God
Pray this prayer with the psalmist David: "Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting" (Ps. 139:23-24).
For Further Study
James 1:13-15: "Let no one say when he is tempted, ‘I am tempted by God'; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death."
The mission, passion and purpose of Ligonier Ministries and Dr. R.C. Sproul is to help people grow in their knowledge of God and His holiness. For more information, please visit www.ligonier.org or call them at 800-435-4343.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
August 10, 2010
Escapee sang in church, mowed lawn before capture By Jason Hanna, CNN
STORY HIGHLIGHTS
Arizona prison escapee attended church service day before capture, pastor says Pastor for Wyoming church says he paid Tracy Province to mow lawn Province befriended motel guest who let him crash in room, motel owner says Convicted murderer escaped with two other men July 30; one still loose
(CNN) -- The Rev. Ron Kingston thought Tracy Province was just a down-on-his luck soul when he welcomed him into his church in Meeteetse, Wyoming, on Sunday morning.
He would later be surprised to learn Province was a prison escapee and convicted murderer.
Province, 10 days after he and two other inmates escaped from an Arizona prison, walked into Meeteetse Community Church wearing blue jeans and a flannel shirt. He stayed for the 9:30 a.m. worship service, sang songs like "Your Grace is Enough," and shook hands with some of the 50 or so attendees, the pastor says.
A woman who spoke with Province at the church later recognized him from news reports that day and called police, leading to Province's arrest in town on Monday morning, according to the U.S. Marshals Service.
But on Sunday morning, Province just appeared to Kingston -- who had yet to hear that authorities were looking for Province in the Yellowstone National Park area -- to be someone who was just on an unlucky streak and looking for some work, Kingston recalled by phone Monday.
"I introduced myself to him because he was a face I hadn't seen before," Kingston said. "We shook hands, and I welcomed him to our church. He stayed for the worship service and sermon. Toward the end, people were leaving, but he stuck around ... and told me he was looking for work."
Province, after introducing himself with a different name, told Kingston he had just been trying to work something out with a lady friend at Yellowstone, and was trying to find his way home after he failed.
"[The story went] she up and left him or something, so he was trying to hitchhike home, and was just down on his luck and needed some money," Kingston said.
Province told Kingston that he liked Meeteetse -- a town of about 300 people that is about 40 miles, as the crow flies, from the park -- and that he was a welder and might stay a while to look for work.
Kingston asked Province to mow the church's lawn and cut some weeds for some money. Province agreed, and was finished about an hour later.
"He was polite. He asked me if I appreciated how he cut the grass, if he did a good enough job," Kingston said.
Province, 42, escaped July 30 from an Arizona prison with inmates John Charles McCluskey, 45, and Daniel Renwick. Authorities say an accomplice, Casslyn Mae Welch, 43, helped the convicts escape by throwing cutting tools over a prison fence.
Renwick, 35, was arrested July 31 in Rifle, Colorado, after a shootout with police. Province -- who was serving a life sentence for murder and armed robbery -- and McCluskey are suspected in the killings of a couple whose bodies were found Wednesday in New Mexico, according to the U.S. Marshals Service.
Authorities warned Sunday that they believed Province, McCluskey and Welch could be in the Yellowstone National Park area, but that Province probably had separated from the other two. The marshals service still was looking for McCluskey and Welch on Monday, saying they could be in central Wyoming.
Province was arrested on Monday morning as he was walking out of a Meeteetse motel, carrying a hitchhiking sign with "Casper" written on it, the marshals service said.
Bobby Long, owner of Vision Quest Motel & RV Park, said authorities told him that motel was where Province was arrested. Long said Province apparently had befriended someone who was staying there, and the guest "allowed him to crash in the room" Sunday night.
Long said he didn't know Province was at his motel until after Province was arrested Monday.
Kingston said Province's arrival has been "a little shakeup for a country town."
"We don't have this kind of stuff happen very often," he said, noting that residents are now keenly aware that McCluskey and Welch are still loose. "I think it made people think about locking their doors, something we don't normally do."
Kingston said his heart and prayers go out to the victims in New Mexico, and he thanks God for the way Province's visit to town ended.
"I think [God] had his hand on our church service, because it could have turned out differently," he said.
Kingston said he asked Province on Sunday about whether he had faith in God. Province said he did, but wasn't always walking the walk, Kingston recalled.
"For some reason, I think this guy had a little respect for God," Kingston said. "Maybe he was looking for redemption."
The pastor said God also might have used Province's visit to lead authorities to him.
"He, maybe, came to this house for a reason, and God is a loving God, and he is also a just God," Kingston said.
STORY HIGHLIGHTS
Arizona prison escapee attended church service day before capture, pastor says Pastor for Wyoming church says he paid Tracy Province to mow lawn Province befriended motel guest who let him crash in room, motel owner says Convicted murderer escaped with two other men July 30; one still loose
(CNN) -- The Rev. Ron Kingston thought Tracy Province was just a down-on-his luck soul when he welcomed him into his church in Meeteetse, Wyoming, on Sunday morning.
He would later be surprised to learn Province was a prison escapee and convicted murderer.
Province, 10 days after he and two other inmates escaped from an Arizona prison, walked into Meeteetse Community Church wearing blue jeans and a flannel shirt. He stayed for the 9:30 a.m. worship service, sang songs like "Your Grace is Enough," and shook hands with some of the 50 or so attendees, the pastor says.
A woman who spoke with Province at the church later recognized him from news reports that day and called police, leading to Province's arrest in town on Monday morning, according to the U.S. Marshals Service.
But on Sunday morning, Province just appeared to Kingston -- who had yet to hear that authorities were looking for Province in the Yellowstone National Park area -- to be someone who was just on an unlucky streak and looking for some work, Kingston recalled by phone Monday.
"I introduced myself to him because he was a face I hadn't seen before," Kingston said. "We shook hands, and I welcomed him to our church. He stayed for the worship service and sermon. Toward the end, people were leaving, but he stuck around ... and told me he was looking for work."
Province, after introducing himself with a different name, told Kingston he had just been trying to work something out with a lady friend at Yellowstone, and was trying to find his way home after he failed.
"[The story went] she up and left him or something, so he was trying to hitchhike home, and was just down on his luck and needed some money," Kingston said.
Province told Kingston that he liked Meeteetse -- a town of about 300 people that is about 40 miles, as the crow flies, from the park -- and that he was a welder and might stay a while to look for work.
Kingston asked Province to mow the church's lawn and cut some weeds for some money. Province agreed, and was finished about an hour later.
"He was polite. He asked me if I appreciated how he cut the grass, if he did a good enough job," Kingston said.
Province, 42, escaped July 30 from an Arizona prison with inmates John Charles McCluskey, 45, and Daniel Renwick. Authorities say an accomplice, Casslyn Mae Welch, 43, helped the convicts escape by throwing cutting tools over a prison fence.
Renwick, 35, was arrested July 31 in Rifle, Colorado, after a shootout with police. Province -- who was serving a life sentence for murder and armed robbery -- and McCluskey are suspected in the killings of a couple whose bodies were found Wednesday in New Mexico, according to the U.S. Marshals Service.
Authorities warned Sunday that they believed Province, McCluskey and Welch could be in the Yellowstone National Park area, but that Province probably had separated from the other two. The marshals service still was looking for McCluskey and Welch on Monday, saying they could be in central Wyoming.
Province was arrested on Monday morning as he was walking out of a Meeteetse motel, carrying a hitchhiking sign with "Casper" written on it, the marshals service said.
Bobby Long, owner of Vision Quest Motel & RV Park, said authorities told him that motel was where Province was arrested. Long said Province apparently had befriended someone who was staying there, and the guest "allowed him to crash in the room" Sunday night.
Long said he didn't know Province was at his motel until after Province was arrested Monday.
Kingston said Province's arrival has been "a little shakeup for a country town."
"We don't have this kind of stuff happen very often," he said, noting that residents are now keenly aware that McCluskey and Welch are still loose. "I think it made people think about locking their doors, something we don't normally do."
Kingston said his heart and prayers go out to the victims in New Mexico, and he thanks God for the way Province's visit to town ended.
"I think [God] had his hand on our church service, because it could have turned out differently," he said.
Kingston said he asked Province on Sunday about whether he had faith in God. Province said he did, but wasn't always walking the walk, Kingston recalled.
"For some reason, I think this guy had a little respect for God," Kingston said. "Maybe he was looking for redemption."
The pastor said God also might have used Province's visit to lead authorities to him.
"He, maybe, came to this house for a reason, and God is a loving God, and he is also a just God," Kingston said.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Ausgust 6, 2010
August 6, 2010
Jesus Shone Like the Sun
Dan Graves, MSL
One day, while near Caesarea Philippi, Jesus informed his disciples that he must die in Jerusalem. Peter took him aside and said, "God forbid it, Lord. This shall never happen to you." Jesus ordered Peter out of his sight, calling him "Satan." Then Jesus promised that some of those standing with him would not die before they saw the Son of Man coming in his kingdom. All of this set the stage for an astonishing event.
Six days later, Jesus took his innermost circle--Peter, James and John (James' brother) and brought them to a high mountain, possibly an outcropping of Mount Hermon which was near Caesarea Philippi. While Jesus was praying, Peter and the others fell asleep. They woke up to find that Jesus had changed. His face shone like the sun, and his clothes were gleaming white--whiter than any laundry on earth could make them. Christians call this the transfiguration.
Moses and Elijah had appeared and were talking with Jesus about his death, soon to take place in Jerusalem. No doubt this was a strong encouragement to Jesus to go through with the terrible ordeal he was about to face.
As Moses and Elijah left, Peter spoke up in fear. "Master, it is good for us to be here." Not knowing what else to say, he suggested building three booths, one for each of the heavenly beings. While he was still speaking, a supernatural cloud formed over them. The three disciples grew even more frightened as it surrounded them. A voice spoke out of the cloud, saying, "This is my beloved Son, my chosen one, listen to him!" The three fell on their faces in terror.
After the voice had spoken, Jesus was alone again with the three disciples. "Don't tell anyone about this until the Son of Man is raised from the dead" he instructed his disciples. And so they did not say a word to anyone else. However, they discussed Christ's words among themselves, wondering what he meant by "raised from the dead." They also asked him about a prophecy made by Malachi four hundred years earlier that Elijah must come before the Christ. Jesus responded that Elijah had already come, (meaning John the Baptist, who, as Scripture tells us, had come in the spirit and power of Elijah).
The next day Jesus and his three disciples came down off the mountain, back to the ordinary world of failure and demon possession.
The transfiguration is a key event in Christ's life. It confirmed that Christ must die on the cross. Three gospel writers report it. Their simple statements have the ring of truth. Later, in one of his letters, Peter referred to the event, too, reminding his readers that he was an eyewitness to Christ's glory that day.
The transfiguration confirmed that Jesus had God's approval and was pure. It foreshadowed Christ's entry (and eventually every Christian's entry) into glory. This day, August 6, is the feast celebrating the transfiguration of our Lord.
Jesus Shone Like the Sun
Dan Graves, MSL
One day, while near Caesarea Philippi, Jesus informed his disciples that he must die in Jerusalem. Peter took him aside and said, "God forbid it, Lord. This shall never happen to you." Jesus ordered Peter out of his sight, calling him "Satan." Then Jesus promised that some of those standing with him would not die before they saw the Son of Man coming in his kingdom. All of this set the stage for an astonishing event.
Six days later, Jesus took his innermost circle--Peter, James and John (James' brother) and brought them to a high mountain, possibly an outcropping of Mount Hermon which was near Caesarea Philippi. While Jesus was praying, Peter and the others fell asleep. They woke up to find that Jesus had changed. His face shone like the sun, and his clothes were gleaming white--whiter than any laundry on earth could make them. Christians call this the transfiguration.
Moses and Elijah had appeared and were talking with Jesus about his death, soon to take place in Jerusalem. No doubt this was a strong encouragement to Jesus to go through with the terrible ordeal he was about to face.
As Moses and Elijah left, Peter spoke up in fear. "Master, it is good for us to be here." Not knowing what else to say, he suggested building three booths, one for each of the heavenly beings. While he was still speaking, a supernatural cloud formed over them. The three disciples grew even more frightened as it surrounded them. A voice spoke out of the cloud, saying, "This is my beloved Son, my chosen one, listen to him!" The three fell on their faces in terror.
After the voice had spoken, Jesus was alone again with the three disciples. "Don't tell anyone about this until the Son of Man is raised from the dead" he instructed his disciples. And so they did not say a word to anyone else. However, they discussed Christ's words among themselves, wondering what he meant by "raised from the dead." They also asked him about a prophecy made by Malachi four hundred years earlier that Elijah must come before the Christ. Jesus responded that Elijah had already come, (meaning John the Baptist, who, as Scripture tells us, had come in the spirit and power of Elijah).
The next day Jesus and his three disciples came down off the mountain, back to the ordinary world of failure and demon possession.
The transfiguration is a key event in Christ's life. It confirmed that Christ must die on the cross. Three gospel writers report it. Their simple statements have the ring of truth. Later, in one of his letters, Peter referred to the event, too, reminding his readers that he was an eyewitness to Christ's glory that day.
The transfiguration confirmed that Jesus had God's approval and was pure. It foreshadowed Christ's entry (and eventually every Christian's entry) into glory. This day, August 6, is the feast celebrating the transfiguration of our Lord.
Friday, August 6, 2010
August 6, 2010
Big-spirited or Small-spirited? There is a significant choice each of us make many times each day in the interactions and situations we experience. We choose to be small-spirited or big-spirited.
What’s the difference in these two approaches to life:
Small-spirited people are:
Petty.
Critical.
Stingy.
Jealous.
Hyper-sensitive.
Suspicious.
Resentful.
Nitpicking.
Retaliators.
Self-centered and self-serving.
Big-spirited people are:
Generous.
Forgiving.
Helpful and supportive.
Faith-filled and faithful.
Gracious and grateful.
The Bible is very clear about the kind of person we are called to be. Our big-spirited God calls us to become big-spirited people. In our responsibilities and relationships, God looks for largeness of heart!
Take a look at one passage that challenges us to large living:
“Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you. And do not make God’s Holy Spirit sad; for the Spirit is God’s mark of ownership on you, a guarantee that the Day will come when God will set you free. Get rid of all bitterness, passion, and anger. No more shouting or insults, no more hateful feelings of any sort. Instead, be kind and tender-hearted to one another, and forgive one another, as God has forgiven you through Christ.” – Ephesians 4:29-32 (TEV)
What phrase best describes you — small-spirited or big-spirited? Make a decision to become a big-spirited person. You’ll have a lot more peace and joy, and you’ll also become a great blessing to others!
Pastor Dale
What’s the difference in these two approaches to life:
Small-spirited people are:
Petty.
Critical.
Stingy.
Jealous.
Hyper-sensitive.
Suspicious.
Resentful.
Nitpicking.
Retaliators.
Self-centered and self-serving.
Big-spirited people are:
Generous.
Forgiving.
Helpful and supportive.
Faith-filled and faithful.
Gracious and grateful.
The Bible is very clear about the kind of person we are called to be. Our big-spirited God calls us to become big-spirited people. In our responsibilities and relationships, God looks for largeness of heart!
Take a look at one passage that challenges us to large living:
“Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you. And do not make God’s Holy Spirit sad; for the Spirit is God’s mark of ownership on you, a guarantee that the Day will come when God will set you free. Get rid of all bitterness, passion, and anger. No more shouting or insults, no more hateful feelings of any sort. Instead, be kind and tender-hearted to one another, and forgive one another, as God has forgiven you through Christ.” – Ephesians 4:29-32 (TEV)
What phrase best describes you — small-spirited or big-spirited? Make a decision to become a big-spirited person. You’ll have a lot more peace and joy, and you’ll also become a great blessing to others!
Pastor Dale
Thursday, August 5, 2010
August 5, 2010
What Kind of Learner Are You?
Life contains lots of lessons. Unfortunately we miss many of them because we are not paying attention!
God challenges us to become learners. Take a look at one example of this:
“Don’t turn your back on wisdom, for she will protect you. Love her, and she will honor you. Getting wisdom is the wisest thing you can do! And whatever else you do, develop good judgment. If you prize wisdom, she will make you great. Embrace her, and she will honor you.” – Proverbs 4:6-8 (NLT)
This passage tells us about the power and importance of gaining wisdom. It implies that some people get it, while others fail to get it. Some people prize learning while other don’t. I want to be a part of the former group, not the latter, and I believe you do too!
To get wisdom we must develop the traits of a good learner. Good learners have an appetite to learn. They are teachable and humble in spirit. They are responsive to the help, guidance, instruction and correction of their teachers. They seek to apply what they are learning. They listen well and look for lessons that will enrich their understanding. They “sit at the front of the class” when opportunities for instruction come their way. They apply discipline to their daily habits and thoughts.
In our pursuit of wisdom we must understand that there is a big difference between the wisdom of the world and the wisdom of God. The kind of wisdom the Bible calls us to go after is the wisdom of God. The right and ultimate goal of getting wisdom is to get to know God and His ways. It is to grow in our capacity to view life from God’s perspective rather than from the perspective of our own thoughts, feelings and fleshly inclinations. It is to act in ways that are consistent with God’s ways. It is to develop the kind of character that God can count on, and the kind of life that God can use.
The Apostle James reminds us of the attitudes and actions God’s wisdom produces in someone’s life:
“But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.” – James 3:17 (NIV)
The Message paraphrase gives some us some additional insight on this verse:
“Real wisdom, God’s wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two faced.” – James 3:17 (Msg)
What kind of a learner are you? What kind of wisdom are you pursuing and applying — the wisdom of the world or the wisdom of God? What steps will you take to become a better learner of God’s wisdom?
Make the decision to consistently go after the wisdom of God and the fruit it produces!
Pastor Dale
Life contains lots of lessons. Unfortunately we miss many of them because we are not paying attention!
God challenges us to become learners. Take a look at one example of this:
“Don’t turn your back on wisdom, for she will protect you. Love her, and she will honor you. Getting wisdom is the wisest thing you can do! And whatever else you do, develop good judgment. If you prize wisdom, she will make you great. Embrace her, and she will honor you.” – Proverbs 4:6-8 (NLT)
This passage tells us about the power and importance of gaining wisdom. It implies that some people get it, while others fail to get it. Some people prize learning while other don’t. I want to be a part of the former group, not the latter, and I believe you do too!
To get wisdom we must develop the traits of a good learner. Good learners have an appetite to learn. They are teachable and humble in spirit. They are responsive to the help, guidance, instruction and correction of their teachers. They seek to apply what they are learning. They listen well and look for lessons that will enrich their understanding. They “sit at the front of the class” when opportunities for instruction come their way. They apply discipline to their daily habits and thoughts.
In our pursuit of wisdom we must understand that there is a big difference between the wisdom of the world and the wisdom of God. The kind of wisdom the Bible calls us to go after is the wisdom of God. The right and ultimate goal of getting wisdom is to get to know God and His ways. It is to grow in our capacity to view life from God’s perspective rather than from the perspective of our own thoughts, feelings and fleshly inclinations. It is to act in ways that are consistent with God’s ways. It is to develop the kind of character that God can count on, and the kind of life that God can use.
The Apostle James reminds us of the attitudes and actions God’s wisdom produces in someone’s life:
“But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.” – James 3:17 (NIV)
The Message paraphrase gives some us some additional insight on this verse:
“Real wisdom, God’s wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two faced.” – James 3:17 (Msg)
What kind of a learner are you? What kind of wisdom are you pursuing and applying — the wisdom of the world or the wisdom of God? What steps will you take to become a better learner of God’s wisdom?
Make the decision to consistently go after the wisdom of God and the fruit it produces!
Pastor Dale
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
August 4, 2010
OFFENSE
John Bevere
Chapter One: Me, Offended?
(From the book- The Bait of Satan)
Luke 17:1 ~ It is impossible that no offenses should come.
As I travel across the United States ministering, I have been able to observe one of the enemy’s most deadly and deceptive traps. It imprisons countless Christians, severs relationships and widens the existing breaches between us. It is the trap of offense.
Many are unable to function properly in their calling because of the wounds and hurts that offenses have caused in their lives. They are handicapped and hindered from fulfilling their full potential. Most often it is a fellow believer who has hurt them. This causes the offense to feel like a betrayal. In Psalm 55:12-14 David laments, “For it is not an enemy who reproaches me; then I could bear it. Nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me; then I could hide from him. But it was you, a man my equal, my companion and my acquaintance. We took sweet counsel together, and walked to the house of God in the throng.”
They are those whom we sit with and sing alongside, or perhaps it is the one who is delivering the sermon. We spend holidays, attend social functions, and share offices with them. Or perhaps it is closer. We grow up with, confide in, and sleep next to them. The closer the relationship, the more severe the offense! You find the greatest hatred among people who were once close.
The possibilities for offense are as endless as the list of relationships, no matter how complex or simple. This truth remains: Only those you care about can hurt you. You expect more from them -- after all, you’ve given more of yourself to them. The higher the expectations, the greater the fall.
Selfishness reigns in our society. Men and women today look out for themselves to the neglect and hurt of those around them. This should not surprise us. The Bible is very clear that in the last days men will be “lovers of themselves” (2 Tim. 3:2). We expect this in unbelievers, but Paul was not referring to those outside the church. He was talking about those within it. Many are wounded, hurt and bitter. They are offended! But they do not realize that they have fallen into Satan’s trap.
Is it our fault? Jesus made it very clear that it is impossible to live in this world and not have the opportunity to become offended. Yet most believers are shocked, bewildered, and amazed when it happens. We believe we are the only ones who have been wronged. This response leaves us vulnerable to a root of bitterness. Therefore we must be prepared and armed for offenses, because our response determines our future.
The Deceptive Trap
The Greek word for “offend” in Luke 17:1 comes from the word skandalon. This word originally referred to the part of the trap to which the bait was attached. Hence the word signifies laying a trap in someone’s way. In the New Testament it often describes an entrapment used by the enemy. Offense is a tool of the devil to bring people into captivity. Paul instructed young Timothy:
And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare [entrapment] of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will. ~ 2 Timothy 2:24-26
Those who are in quarrels or opposition fall into a trap and are held prisoner to do the devil’s will. Even more alarming, they are unaware of their captivity! Like the prodigal they must come to themselves by awaking to their true condition. They do not realize that they are spewing out bitter waters rather than pure. When a person is deceived, he believes he is right even though he is not.
No matter what the scenario is, we can divide all offended people into two major categories: 1) those who have been treated unjustly or 2) those who believe they have been treated unjustly. People in the secondary believe with all their hearts that they have been wronged. Often their conclusions are drawn from inaccurate information. Or their information is accurate, but their conclusion is distorted. Either way they hurt, and their understanding is darkened. They judge by assumption, appearance, and hearsay.
The Heart’s True Condition
One way the enemy keeps a person in an offended state is to keep the offense hidden, cloaked with pride. Pride will keep you from admitting your true condition. Once I was severely hurt by a couple of ministers. People would say, “I can’t believe they did this to you. Aren’t you hurt?” I would quickly respond, “No, I am fine. I’m not hurt.” I knew it was wrong to be offended, so I denied and repressed it. I convinced myself I was not, but in reality I was. Pride masked the true condition of my heart.
Pride keeps you from dealing with the truth. It distorts your vision. You never change when you think everything is fine. Pride hardens your heart and dims the eyes of your understanding. It keeps you from the change of heart -- repentance -- which will set you free (see 2 Tim. 2:24-26).
Pride causes you to view yourself as a victim. Your attitude becomes, “I was mistreated and misjudged; therefore I am justified in my behavior.” Because you believe you are innocent and falsely accused, you hold back forgiveness. Though your true heart condition is hidden from you, it is not hidden from God. Just because you were mistreated, you do not have permission to hold on to an offense. Two wrongs don’t make a right!
The Cure
In the book of Revelation Jesus addressed the church of Laodicea by first telling them how they saw themselves as rich, wealthy, and having need of nothing, then by exposing their true condition -- “wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked” (Rev 3:14-20). They had mistaken their financial strength for spiritual strength. Pride hid their true condition.
Many are this way today. They do not see the true condition of their hearts just as I was unable to see the resentment I carried toward those ministers. I had convinced myself I was not hurt. Jesus told the Laodiceans how to get out of their deception: to buy God’s gold and to see their true condition. Jesus’ first instruction for breaking free from deception was to “buy from Me gold refined in the fire” (Rev. 3:18).
Refined gold is soft and pliable, free from corrosion or other substances. It is when gold is mixed with other metals (copper, iron, nickel, and so on) that it becomes hard, less pliable, and more corrosive. This mixture is called an alloy. The higher the percentage of foreign metals, the harder the gold becomes. Conversely, the lower the percentage of alloy, the softer and more flexible.
Immediately we see the parallel: A pure heart is like pure gold -- soft, tender, and pliable. Hebrews 3:13 states that hearts are hardened through the deceitfulness of sin! If we do not deal with an offense, it will produce more fruit of sin, such as bitterness, anger, and resentment. This added substance hardens our hearts just as alloys harden gold. This reduces or removes tenderness, creating a loss of sensitivity. We are hindered in our ability to hear God’s voice. Our accuracy to see is darkened. This is a perfect setting for deception.
The first step in refining gold is grinding it into a powder and mixing it with a substance called flux. Then the mixture is placed in a furnace and melted by intense heat. The alloys and impurities are drawn to the flux and rise to the surface. The gold (which is heavier) remains at the bottom. The impurities or dross (such as copper, iron, and zinc, combined with flux) is then removed, yielding a purer metal.
Now look what God says:
Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. ~ Isaiah 48:10
And again:
In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ. ~ 1 Peter 1: 6-7
God refines with afflictions, trials, and tribulations, the heat of which separates impurities such as unforgiveness, strife, bitterness, anger, envy, and so forth from the character of God in our lives. Sin easily hides where there is no heat of trials and afflictions. In times of prosperity and success, even a wicked man will seem kind and generous. Under the heat of trials, however, the impurities surface.
There was a time in my life when I went through intense trials such as I had never faced before. I became rude and harsh with those closest to me. My family and friends began to avoid me. I cried out to the Lord, “Where is all this anger coming from? It wasn’t here before!” The Lord responded, “Son, it is when they liquefy gold in fire that the impurities show up.” He then asked a question that changed my life. “Can you see the impurities in gold before it is put in the fire?” “No,” I answered. “But that doesn’t mean they were not there,” He said. “When the fire of trials hit you, these impurities surfaced. Though hidden to you, they were always visible to Me. So now you have a choice that will determine your future. You can remain angry, blaming your wife, friends, pastor, and the people you work with, or you can see this dross of sin for what it is and repent, receive forgiveness, and I will take My ladle and remove these impurities from your life.”
See your true condition.
Jesus said our ability to see correctly is another key to being freed from deception. Often when we are offended we see ourselves as victims and blame those who have hurt us. We justify our bitterness, unforgiveness, anger, envy, and resentment as they surface. Sometimes we even resent those who remind us of others who have hurt us. For this reason Jesus counseled. “Anoint your eyes with eye salve, that your may see” (Rev. 3:18). See what? Your true condition! That’s the only way we can “be zealous and repent” as Jesus commanded next. You’ll only repent when you stop blaming other people.
When we blame others and defend our own position, we are blind. We struggle to remove the speck out of our brother’s eye while there is a log in ours. It is the revelation of truth that brings freedom to us. When the Spirit of God shows us our sin, He always does it in such a way that it seems separate from us. This brings conviction, not condemnation.
It is my prayer that God’s Word will enlighten the eyes of your understanding that you will see your true condition and become free from any offense you are harboring. Don’t let pride keep you from seeing and repenting.
John Bevere
Chapter One: Me, Offended?
(From the book- The Bait of Satan)
Luke 17:1 ~ It is impossible that no offenses should come.
As I travel across the United States ministering, I have been able to observe one of the enemy’s most deadly and deceptive traps. It imprisons countless Christians, severs relationships and widens the existing breaches between us. It is the trap of offense.
Many are unable to function properly in their calling because of the wounds and hurts that offenses have caused in their lives. They are handicapped and hindered from fulfilling their full potential. Most often it is a fellow believer who has hurt them. This causes the offense to feel like a betrayal. In Psalm 55:12-14 David laments, “For it is not an enemy who reproaches me; then I could bear it. Nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me; then I could hide from him. But it was you, a man my equal, my companion and my acquaintance. We took sweet counsel together, and walked to the house of God in the throng.”
They are those whom we sit with and sing alongside, or perhaps it is the one who is delivering the sermon. We spend holidays, attend social functions, and share offices with them. Or perhaps it is closer. We grow up with, confide in, and sleep next to them. The closer the relationship, the more severe the offense! You find the greatest hatred among people who were once close.
The possibilities for offense are as endless as the list of relationships, no matter how complex or simple. This truth remains: Only those you care about can hurt you. You expect more from them -- after all, you’ve given more of yourself to them. The higher the expectations, the greater the fall.
Selfishness reigns in our society. Men and women today look out for themselves to the neglect and hurt of those around them. This should not surprise us. The Bible is very clear that in the last days men will be “lovers of themselves” (2 Tim. 3:2). We expect this in unbelievers, but Paul was not referring to those outside the church. He was talking about those within it. Many are wounded, hurt and bitter. They are offended! But they do not realize that they have fallen into Satan’s trap.
Is it our fault? Jesus made it very clear that it is impossible to live in this world and not have the opportunity to become offended. Yet most believers are shocked, bewildered, and amazed when it happens. We believe we are the only ones who have been wronged. This response leaves us vulnerable to a root of bitterness. Therefore we must be prepared and armed for offenses, because our response determines our future.
The Deceptive Trap
The Greek word for “offend” in Luke 17:1 comes from the word skandalon. This word originally referred to the part of the trap to which the bait was attached. Hence the word signifies laying a trap in someone’s way. In the New Testament it often describes an entrapment used by the enemy. Offense is a tool of the devil to bring people into captivity. Paul instructed young Timothy:
And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare [entrapment] of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will. ~ 2 Timothy 2:24-26
Those who are in quarrels or opposition fall into a trap and are held prisoner to do the devil’s will. Even more alarming, they are unaware of their captivity! Like the prodigal they must come to themselves by awaking to their true condition. They do not realize that they are spewing out bitter waters rather than pure. When a person is deceived, he believes he is right even though he is not.
No matter what the scenario is, we can divide all offended people into two major categories: 1) those who have been treated unjustly or 2) those who believe they have been treated unjustly. People in the secondary believe with all their hearts that they have been wronged. Often their conclusions are drawn from inaccurate information. Or their information is accurate, but their conclusion is distorted. Either way they hurt, and their understanding is darkened. They judge by assumption, appearance, and hearsay.
The Heart’s True Condition
One way the enemy keeps a person in an offended state is to keep the offense hidden, cloaked with pride. Pride will keep you from admitting your true condition. Once I was severely hurt by a couple of ministers. People would say, “I can’t believe they did this to you. Aren’t you hurt?” I would quickly respond, “No, I am fine. I’m not hurt.” I knew it was wrong to be offended, so I denied and repressed it. I convinced myself I was not, but in reality I was. Pride masked the true condition of my heart.
Pride keeps you from dealing with the truth. It distorts your vision. You never change when you think everything is fine. Pride hardens your heart and dims the eyes of your understanding. It keeps you from the change of heart -- repentance -- which will set you free (see 2 Tim. 2:24-26).
Pride causes you to view yourself as a victim. Your attitude becomes, “I was mistreated and misjudged; therefore I am justified in my behavior.” Because you believe you are innocent and falsely accused, you hold back forgiveness. Though your true heart condition is hidden from you, it is not hidden from God. Just because you were mistreated, you do not have permission to hold on to an offense. Two wrongs don’t make a right!
The Cure
In the book of Revelation Jesus addressed the church of Laodicea by first telling them how they saw themselves as rich, wealthy, and having need of nothing, then by exposing their true condition -- “wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked” (Rev 3:14-20). They had mistaken their financial strength for spiritual strength. Pride hid their true condition.
Many are this way today. They do not see the true condition of their hearts just as I was unable to see the resentment I carried toward those ministers. I had convinced myself I was not hurt. Jesus told the Laodiceans how to get out of their deception: to buy God’s gold and to see their true condition. Jesus’ first instruction for breaking free from deception was to “buy from Me gold refined in the fire” (Rev. 3:18).
Refined gold is soft and pliable, free from corrosion or other substances. It is when gold is mixed with other metals (copper, iron, nickel, and so on) that it becomes hard, less pliable, and more corrosive. This mixture is called an alloy. The higher the percentage of foreign metals, the harder the gold becomes. Conversely, the lower the percentage of alloy, the softer and more flexible.
Immediately we see the parallel: A pure heart is like pure gold -- soft, tender, and pliable. Hebrews 3:13 states that hearts are hardened through the deceitfulness of sin! If we do not deal with an offense, it will produce more fruit of sin, such as bitterness, anger, and resentment. This added substance hardens our hearts just as alloys harden gold. This reduces or removes tenderness, creating a loss of sensitivity. We are hindered in our ability to hear God’s voice. Our accuracy to see is darkened. This is a perfect setting for deception.
The first step in refining gold is grinding it into a powder and mixing it with a substance called flux. Then the mixture is placed in a furnace and melted by intense heat. The alloys and impurities are drawn to the flux and rise to the surface. The gold (which is heavier) remains at the bottom. The impurities or dross (such as copper, iron, and zinc, combined with flux) is then removed, yielding a purer metal.
Now look what God says:
Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. ~ Isaiah 48:10
And again:
In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ. ~ 1 Peter 1: 6-7
God refines with afflictions, trials, and tribulations, the heat of which separates impurities such as unforgiveness, strife, bitterness, anger, envy, and so forth from the character of God in our lives. Sin easily hides where there is no heat of trials and afflictions. In times of prosperity and success, even a wicked man will seem kind and generous. Under the heat of trials, however, the impurities surface.
There was a time in my life when I went through intense trials such as I had never faced before. I became rude and harsh with those closest to me. My family and friends began to avoid me. I cried out to the Lord, “Where is all this anger coming from? It wasn’t here before!” The Lord responded, “Son, it is when they liquefy gold in fire that the impurities show up.” He then asked a question that changed my life. “Can you see the impurities in gold before it is put in the fire?” “No,” I answered. “But that doesn’t mean they were not there,” He said. “When the fire of trials hit you, these impurities surfaced. Though hidden to you, they were always visible to Me. So now you have a choice that will determine your future. You can remain angry, blaming your wife, friends, pastor, and the people you work with, or you can see this dross of sin for what it is and repent, receive forgiveness, and I will take My ladle and remove these impurities from your life.”
See your true condition.
Jesus said our ability to see correctly is another key to being freed from deception. Often when we are offended we see ourselves as victims and blame those who have hurt us. We justify our bitterness, unforgiveness, anger, envy, and resentment as they surface. Sometimes we even resent those who remind us of others who have hurt us. For this reason Jesus counseled. “Anoint your eyes with eye salve, that your may see” (Rev. 3:18). See what? Your true condition! That’s the only way we can “be zealous and repent” as Jesus commanded next. You’ll only repent when you stop blaming other people.
When we blame others and defend our own position, we are blind. We struggle to remove the speck out of our brother’s eye while there is a log in ours. It is the revelation of truth that brings freedom to us. When the Spirit of God shows us our sin, He always does it in such a way that it seems separate from us. This brings conviction, not condemnation.
It is my prayer that God’s Word will enlighten the eyes of your understanding that you will see your true condition and become free from any offense you are harboring. Don’t let pride keep you from seeing and repenting.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
August 3, 2010
How Solid is Your Foundation?
By Os Hillman
August 3
"At the king's command they removed from the quarry large blocks of quality stone to provide a foundation of dressed stone for the temple" (1 Kings 5:16-17).
Several years ago I visited Jerusalem, the ancient city in Israel where Jesus walked. It was an incredible experience. One of the most memorable things I saw was the actual stones used to build the foundation of the temple. These stones lay beneath the ground and can be accessed only by going into an underground tunnel.
The stones are massive and they are perfectly rectangle in shape. The Bible says the stones were moved to the temple area in a quiet manner in respect of the Holy site. It says the foundation was of a "quality stone."
All these structures, from the outside to the great courtyard and from foundation to eaves, were made of blocks of high-grade stone cut to size and trimmed with a saw on their inner and outer faces. The foundations were laid with large stones of good quality, some measuring ten cubits and some eight. Above were high-grade stones, cut to size, and cedar beams. The great courtyard was surrounded by a wall of three courses of dressed stone and one course of trimmed cedar beams, as was the inner courtyard of the temple of the LORD with its portico (1 Kings 7:9-12).
Do you see the effort put into the type and quality of stone that would be used to build the temple of God?
In order to achieve anything worthwhile in life you must lay a quality foundation. Everything else is going to be impacted if that foundation is not laid with the best materials and the finest craftsmanship. The Bible says that Jesus must be the foundation from which we build everything in our lives ( I Cor. 3:11). Anything else will result in a weak foundation.
Are you building on a solid foundation that will last? If not, begin today to shore up your foundation.
By Os Hillman
August 3
"At the king's command they removed from the quarry large blocks of quality stone to provide a foundation of dressed stone for the temple" (1 Kings 5:16-17).
Several years ago I visited Jerusalem, the ancient city in Israel where Jesus walked. It was an incredible experience. One of the most memorable things I saw was the actual stones used to build the foundation of the temple. These stones lay beneath the ground and can be accessed only by going into an underground tunnel.
The stones are massive and they are perfectly rectangle in shape. The Bible says the stones were moved to the temple area in a quiet manner in respect of the Holy site. It says the foundation was of a "quality stone."
All these structures, from the outside to the great courtyard and from foundation to eaves, were made of blocks of high-grade stone cut to size and trimmed with a saw on their inner and outer faces. The foundations were laid with large stones of good quality, some measuring ten cubits and some eight. Above were high-grade stones, cut to size, and cedar beams. The great courtyard was surrounded by a wall of three courses of dressed stone and one course of trimmed cedar beams, as was the inner courtyard of the temple of the LORD with its portico (1 Kings 7:9-12).
Do you see the effort put into the type and quality of stone that would be used to build the temple of God?
In order to achieve anything worthwhile in life you must lay a quality foundation. Everything else is going to be impacted if that foundation is not laid with the best materials and the finest craftsmanship. The Bible says that Jesus must be the foundation from which we build everything in our lives ( I Cor. 3:11). Anything else will result in a weak foundation.
Are you building on a solid foundation that will last? If not, begin today to shore up your foundation.
Monday, August 2, 2010
August 2, 2010
The following article is located at: http://www.kyria.com/topics/marriagefamily/marriage/romancesex/6w5088.html
Did I Take This Man?
He seemed perfectly normal the year we dated!
Mayo Mathers | posted 9/01/1996
Two hours before our wedding, Steve, my husband-to-be, was frantically tearing through stacks of boxes in our new home, searching for hunting permit applications he had to turn in that day. "This is important!" Steve said to me over the phone. I was at the church, my wedding dress half over my head. As my mother held the phone to my ear through all the layers of lace and organza, I reminded him the photographer was taking pictures before the ceremony.
"I'll be there," he promised. "Just tell me where you put my box of hunting stuff!"
After that episode, it should have come as no surprise my beloved and I had different interpretations of the vows we exchanged that day. I took his promise to love only me to mean exactly that. Steve, however, thought the promise referred to forsaking other women—not hunting.
As a new wife, I was determined to share Steve's passion for hunting. So when he invited me to go elk hunting not long after our wedding, I was euphoric. I was sure whatever made him happy would make me happy. After loading our jeep, we drove for six hours, every mile taking us farther from civilization. He really wants to be alone with me! I thought happily.
Two hours later, my pleasure dimmed. We'd left pavement long ago and the road was growing less and less discernible. Finally Steve pulled the jeep into a small clearing and turned off the engine. "Come on! Let's set up the tent!" His voice rang with a happy anticipation I couldn't fathom. "Uh, oh!" he sang out cheerily as he unloaded our jeep. "I seem to have forgotten the tent poles! Oh well. We'll sleep under the jeep for tonight."
This can't be happening, I thought in despair. He seemed perfectly normal during the year we dated!
The next morning, I found myself utterly alone. The man who'd vowed to "cleave only unto me" was gone. I was attempting to tie the tent up between two trees when Steve came running out of the woods.
"Quick! I just spotted a huge herd of elk! You gotta see this!" He grabbed my hand and we raced off in pursuit. I'd never seen elk before and didn't know whether to be excited or fearful. I asked Steve to describe them but he shushed me to silence.
After a mile of hard uphill climbing, we came to a meadow. He motioned for me to stay put while he circled around to the other side. Too frightened to move, I stayed rooted to the exact spot where Steve left me. Suddenly, a noise on my left jerked me around. There, not twenty feet away, stood the most massive creature I'd ever seen outside a zoo. In horror, I realized this monstrous beast had to be an elk.
Not knowing what else to do, I screamed. The sound echoed back from the mountain with such force it sounded like there were a thousand of me.
Magically my protector appeared—screaming also—at me! I had scared away the trophy elk he'd been stalking. Steve didn't speak to me until we were back in camp, and then it was only to tell me he couldn't build a fire because he'd forgotten matches as well as the tent poles.
Twenty-one years later, I still love Steve, and he still loves me (despite the elk that got away). But while time has changed my definition of love to be more realistic, I've discovered that some truths about love remain constant:
True love doesn't keep score.
Early in our marriage, I resented the lack of balance in how we spent our time together. If I compared all the time I'd spent hunting with Steve with the time he spent doing what I love, there'd be no contest.
Then in Philippians 2:5-8 I read: "Your attitude should be the kind that was shown us by Jesus Christ, who, though he was God, did not demand and cling to his rights as God, but laid aside his mighty power and glory … going so far as actually to die a criminal's death on a cross" (tlb).
After that, when resentful thoughts crept in, I gave them to God, praying, "Teach me to have your attitude, Father, which refuses to keep score or demand equality."
True love is tolerant.
Our first night home from our honeymoon, Steve volunteered to help with the dishes. Immediately I began offering "constructive" criticism. "You put in way too much soap. You missed a spot. Your water needs to be hotter … "
Finally he looked at me and said quietly, "It seems easier for you to criticize me than to understand I've never done this before."
Steve was right. Instead of being grateful for his willingness to help, I criticized his ineptness. It didn't make him eager to help with other chores.
Through the years, I've learned—sometimes the hard way—that the people you love respond more readily to me when I try to see things from their perspective before I correct them.
True love believes in each other.
Long before I had anything published, Steve believed in me as a writer. When my first article sold, he showed no surprise, only pleasure. "I knew you could do it!" he said.
His faith in me goes beyond mere words. Many times he's come home from work to find me glued to my computer and no savory smells coming from the kitchen. Not once has he made me feel guilty. "I have a great idea!" he'll say. "How about we go out for dinner?"
Last summer he needed a new welder for his well drilling business and decided to sell one of our vehicles to pay for it. Just when it sold, my computer ceased working. "Let's use the money for a new computer," he told me. "I can make do with my old welder awhile longer."
Steve's always seen possibilities in me I don't see. I feel his pride, and strive to live up to it. His faith in me—his love for me—work together to help me achieve God's purpose for my life.
True love requires cultivation.
A friend of mine recently celebrated her fiftieth wedding anniversary. "If there's one thing I've learned about marriage, it's to never get so comfortable you cease to cultivate it," she told me.
At first her words amazed me. How much cultivating could a fifty-year marriage need? But I've come to realize everything requires constant care to survive. Our house needs a fresh coat of paint, highways need resurfacing. And a marriage needs a fresh coat of love.
One Friday evening, Steve arranged for a sitter and told me to be home at precisely 6 p.m. I walked in to the flicker of candlelight, soft music, and a catered dinner for two.
Such an extravagant "coat of love" is rare. Usually it's something small and simple—the unexpected gift of a book by a favorite author, or a pizza-and- video night at home by ourselves. Sometimes it's nothing more than doing a chore we know the other one dreads.
True love hangs in there.
There have been times—particularly during hunting season!—when I've asked myself, Why did I take this man? Yet I know that without Steve, I'd miss the unique blessings that are the rewards of staying commited—even when you don't feel like "hanging in there."
When our sons were younger, time alone was rare. Now they're both nearly grown and Steve and I find ourselves alone more and more. Slowly but surely we're rediscovering leisurely dinners in quiet restaurants instead of the noisy chaos of fast food, and the pleasures of long evenings at home with no one to please but each other!
Recently, Steve and I looked through our stack of photo albums. We laughed as we reminisced our way through an entire evening. As he eagerly turned the album pages, I thought, There's no other person in this entire world who would share the same pleasure in these memories as I do. My heart swelled with a new level of love for Steve.
Time has a way of shrinking differences—and enlarging similarities. And experience has a way of teaching us how to survive the differences that still exist. For instance, Steve is still as passionate about hunting as he was on our wedding day. I'll never derive the same pleasure he does from these outings, but I've learned at least one secret to make them more tolerable: Always pack the tent poles and matches myself.
Mayo Mathers is a TCW contributing editor and freelance writer living in Oregon.
Copyright © 1996 by the author or Christianity Today International/Today's Christian Woman magazine.
Did I Take This Man?
He seemed perfectly normal the year we dated!
Mayo Mathers | posted 9/01/1996
Two hours before our wedding, Steve, my husband-to-be, was frantically tearing through stacks of boxes in our new home, searching for hunting permit applications he had to turn in that day. "This is important!" Steve said to me over the phone. I was at the church, my wedding dress half over my head. As my mother held the phone to my ear through all the layers of lace and organza, I reminded him the photographer was taking pictures before the ceremony.
"I'll be there," he promised. "Just tell me where you put my box of hunting stuff!"
After that episode, it should have come as no surprise my beloved and I had different interpretations of the vows we exchanged that day. I took his promise to love only me to mean exactly that. Steve, however, thought the promise referred to forsaking other women—not hunting.
As a new wife, I was determined to share Steve's passion for hunting. So when he invited me to go elk hunting not long after our wedding, I was euphoric. I was sure whatever made him happy would make me happy. After loading our jeep, we drove for six hours, every mile taking us farther from civilization. He really wants to be alone with me! I thought happily.
Two hours later, my pleasure dimmed. We'd left pavement long ago and the road was growing less and less discernible. Finally Steve pulled the jeep into a small clearing and turned off the engine. "Come on! Let's set up the tent!" His voice rang with a happy anticipation I couldn't fathom. "Uh, oh!" he sang out cheerily as he unloaded our jeep. "I seem to have forgotten the tent poles! Oh well. We'll sleep under the jeep for tonight."
This can't be happening, I thought in despair. He seemed perfectly normal during the year we dated!
The next morning, I found myself utterly alone. The man who'd vowed to "cleave only unto me" was gone. I was attempting to tie the tent up between two trees when Steve came running out of the woods.
"Quick! I just spotted a huge herd of elk! You gotta see this!" He grabbed my hand and we raced off in pursuit. I'd never seen elk before and didn't know whether to be excited or fearful. I asked Steve to describe them but he shushed me to silence.
After a mile of hard uphill climbing, we came to a meadow. He motioned for me to stay put while he circled around to the other side. Too frightened to move, I stayed rooted to the exact spot where Steve left me. Suddenly, a noise on my left jerked me around. There, not twenty feet away, stood the most massive creature I'd ever seen outside a zoo. In horror, I realized this monstrous beast had to be an elk.
Not knowing what else to do, I screamed. The sound echoed back from the mountain with such force it sounded like there were a thousand of me.
Magically my protector appeared—screaming also—at me! I had scared away the trophy elk he'd been stalking. Steve didn't speak to me until we were back in camp, and then it was only to tell me he couldn't build a fire because he'd forgotten matches as well as the tent poles.
Twenty-one years later, I still love Steve, and he still loves me (despite the elk that got away). But while time has changed my definition of love to be more realistic, I've discovered that some truths about love remain constant:
True love doesn't keep score.
Early in our marriage, I resented the lack of balance in how we spent our time together. If I compared all the time I'd spent hunting with Steve with the time he spent doing what I love, there'd be no contest.
Then in Philippians 2:5-8 I read: "Your attitude should be the kind that was shown us by Jesus Christ, who, though he was God, did not demand and cling to his rights as God, but laid aside his mighty power and glory … going so far as actually to die a criminal's death on a cross" (tlb).
After that, when resentful thoughts crept in, I gave them to God, praying, "Teach me to have your attitude, Father, which refuses to keep score or demand equality."
True love is tolerant.
Our first night home from our honeymoon, Steve volunteered to help with the dishes. Immediately I began offering "constructive" criticism. "You put in way too much soap. You missed a spot. Your water needs to be hotter … "
Finally he looked at me and said quietly, "It seems easier for you to criticize me than to understand I've never done this before."
Steve was right. Instead of being grateful for his willingness to help, I criticized his ineptness. It didn't make him eager to help with other chores.
Through the years, I've learned—sometimes the hard way—that the people you love respond more readily to me when I try to see things from their perspective before I correct them.
True love believes in each other.
Long before I had anything published, Steve believed in me as a writer. When my first article sold, he showed no surprise, only pleasure. "I knew you could do it!" he said.
His faith in me goes beyond mere words. Many times he's come home from work to find me glued to my computer and no savory smells coming from the kitchen. Not once has he made me feel guilty. "I have a great idea!" he'll say. "How about we go out for dinner?"
Last summer he needed a new welder for his well drilling business and decided to sell one of our vehicles to pay for it. Just when it sold, my computer ceased working. "Let's use the money for a new computer," he told me. "I can make do with my old welder awhile longer."
Steve's always seen possibilities in me I don't see. I feel his pride, and strive to live up to it. His faith in me—his love for me—work together to help me achieve God's purpose for my life.
True love requires cultivation.
A friend of mine recently celebrated her fiftieth wedding anniversary. "If there's one thing I've learned about marriage, it's to never get so comfortable you cease to cultivate it," she told me.
At first her words amazed me. How much cultivating could a fifty-year marriage need? But I've come to realize everything requires constant care to survive. Our house needs a fresh coat of paint, highways need resurfacing. And a marriage needs a fresh coat of love.
One Friday evening, Steve arranged for a sitter and told me to be home at precisely 6 p.m. I walked in to the flicker of candlelight, soft music, and a catered dinner for two.
Such an extravagant "coat of love" is rare. Usually it's something small and simple—the unexpected gift of a book by a favorite author, or a pizza-and- video night at home by ourselves. Sometimes it's nothing more than doing a chore we know the other one dreads.
True love hangs in there.
There have been times—particularly during hunting season!—when I've asked myself, Why did I take this man? Yet I know that without Steve, I'd miss the unique blessings that are the rewards of staying commited—even when you don't feel like "hanging in there."
When our sons were younger, time alone was rare. Now they're both nearly grown and Steve and I find ourselves alone more and more. Slowly but surely we're rediscovering leisurely dinners in quiet restaurants instead of the noisy chaos of fast food, and the pleasures of long evenings at home with no one to please but each other!
Recently, Steve and I looked through our stack of photo albums. We laughed as we reminisced our way through an entire evening. As he eagerly turned the album pages, I thought, There's no other person in this entire world who would share the same pleasure in these memories as I do. My heart swelled with a new level of love for Steve.
Time has a way of shrinking differences—and enlarging similarities. And experience has a way of teaching us how to survive the differences that still exist. For instance, Steve is still as passionate about hunting as he was on our wedding day. I'll never derive the same pleasure he does from these outings, but I've learned at least one secret to make them more tolerable: Always pack the tent poles and matches myself.
Mayo Mathers is a TCW contributing editor and freelance writer living in Oregon.
Copyright © 1996 by the author or Christianity Today International/Today's Christian Woman magazine.
July 30, 2010
Knowing When to Quit
By Os Hillman
"Then the LORD opened Balaam's eyes, and he saw the angel of the LORD standing in the road with his sword drawn. So he bowed low and fell facedown" (Num 22:27-31).
Have you ever wanted something so badly that your perception of the situation became distorted? We can force situations so much that we lose perspective.
The Israelites were defeating all their enemies in the Promised Land. Balak, the king of Moab, feared that they would be defeated by the Israelites. Balaam was a prophet of the Lord in whom Balak knew had the power to bless or curse a nation. So, he sent a delegation to get Balaam to curse the nation of Israel. Balaam wanted to do this for a nice fee that would come with his cooperation. However, God was not pleased. "But God said to Balaam, 'Do not go with them. You must not put a curse on those people, because they are blessed'" (Num 22:12).
Balaam was not being obedient to the Lord because he proceeded with his plan. And this was displeasing to the Lord. God sent an angel to stop him and would it not have been for his "talking donkey" he would have been killed by the angel.
In the workplace, we can become driven to achieve. Corporate pressure drives executives to make decisions that can impact many people. We become deceived by the need to succeed at any cost in our venture.
In order to achieve Godly success, we must be sensitive to those around us who can give input to the direction we may be taking. God will confirm His direction in our lives if we are willing to accept input from those around us. It can come through a spouse, a co-worker, a boss, a secretary or any other person. Be aware of situations that encourage you to press too hard for a particular outcome.
Achieving goals should be a result of following the actions you believe God leads you to take. Let results become a fruit of your strategic actions.
By Os Hillman
"Then the LORD opened Balaam's eyes, and he saw the angel of the LORD standing in the road with his sword drawn. So he bowed low and fell facedown" (Num 22:27-31).
Have you ever wanted something so badly that your perception of the situation became distorted? We can force situations so much that we lose perspective.
The Israelites were defeating all their enemies in the Promised Land. Balak, the king of Moab, feared that they would be defeated by the Israelites. Balaam was a prophet of the Lord in whom Balak knew had the power to bless or curse a nation. So, he sent a delegation to get Balaam to curse the nation of Israel. Balaam wanted to do this for a nice fee that would come with his cooperation. However, God was not pleased. "But God said to Balaam, 'Do not go with them. You must not put a curse on those people, because they are blessed'" (Num 22:12).
Balaam was not being obedient to the Lord because he proceeded with his plan. And this was displeasing to the Lord. God sent an angel to stop him and would it not have been for his "talking donkey" he would have been killed by the angel.
In the workplace, we can become driven to achieve. Corporate pressure drives executives to make decisions that can impact many people. We become deceived by the need to succeed at any cost in our venture.
In order to achieve Godly success, we must be sensitive to those around us who can give input to the direction we may be taking. God will confirm His direction in our lives if we are willing to accept input from those around us. It can come through a spouse, a co-worker, a boss, a secretary or any other person. Be aware of situations that encourage you to press too hard for a particular outcome.
Achieving goals should be a result of following the actions you believe God leads you to take. Let results become a fruit of your strategic actions.
July 29, 2010
The Greatest Compliment of All
We all love compliments. We all want to be acknowledged and appreciated. We spend our energy trying to be noticed for our professional accomplishments, material accumulations, acumen, intellectual ability and personal appearance. We go through life looking and longing for words of affirmation and recognition.
What are the highest words of praise and commendation you could be given? What is the greatest compliment you could ever receive?
Jesus gave us the answer to these questions. He reminded us that the most important words of commendation we can receive will not come in this life. The one compliment we should live and long for only comes when this life is over. It is the compliment that potentially comes when we stand before Him in eternity to give an account of our lives. It is an affirmation reserved for people who have met certain spiritual requirements in their walk with Jesus.
In the Parable of the Talents, recorded in Matthew 25:14-30, Jesus spoke of three men who were given talents, gifts and responsibilities to steward for their master. The master promised to return, and when he did there would be an evaluation of how each did with what they had been given.
When the master returned he discovered that two servants had acted wisely and responsibly and one had not. To the two who had fulfilled the master’s expectations a simple but powerful compliment and commendation was given:
“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! … ‘” – Matthew 25:21 (NIV)
This compliment contains a significant lesson for us. It tells us what Jesus considers to be commendable.
If we want to get the greatest compliment of all from Jesus, there are some things we need to understand as His followers:
* Jesus is looking at and evaluating what we do with our lives. Notice that Jesus did not affirm the men with the compliment, “Well said!” or “Well thought!” or “Well intentioned!” No, He said, “Well done!” We cannot expect to hear these words “Well done!” from Jesus unless we have “done well!” Real faith changes our actions — what we do.
* Jesus is evaluating our attitude toward serving. Notice the last word of the compliment, “servant.” Both of the men who were affirmed by their master understood and fulfilled the highest call of all — the call to serve. They did not lived for their own interests, but lived for the interests of their master and others. To get the greatest compliment of all, we too must be servant-hearted. Serving must become our motivation and pleasure.
* Jesus is measuring the substance and quality of our character. We find two important words in the compliment the master gave to these men — words describing their character. These men had been “good and faithful.” The word Jesus used for “good”is the Greek word “agathos.” It speaks of many things including “rightness, moral virtue, kindness and generosity.” The word Jesus used for “faithful” is “pistos,” which refers to a person who can be counted on, someone who is consistently reliable; a trustworthy person who demonstrates integrity and loyalty in life responsibilities and relationships.
To qualify for the greatest compliment of all, the ultimate compliment from Jesus Himself, we too need to focus our attention and spiritual efforts on these things!
Pastor Dale
We all love compliments. We all want to be acknowledged and appreciated. We spend our energy trying to be noticed for our professional accomplishments, material accumulations, acumen, intellectual ability and personal appearance. We go through life looking and longing for words of affirmation and recognition.
What are the highest words of praise and commendation you could be given? What is the greatest compliment you could ever receive?
Jesus gave us the answer to these questions. He reminded us that the most important words of commendation we can receive will not come in this life. The one compliment we should live and long for only comes when this life is over. It is the compliment that potentially comes when we stand before Him in eternity to give an account of our lives. It is an affirmation reserved for people who have met certain spiritual requirements in their walk with Jesus.
In the Parable of the Talents, recorded in Matthew 25:14-30, Jesus spoke of three men who were given talents, gifts and responsibilities to steward for their master. The master promised to return, and when he did there would be an evaluation of how each did with what they had been given.
When the master returned he discovered that two servants had acted wisely and responsibly and one had not. To the two who had fulfilled the master’s expectations a simple but powerful compliment and commendation was given:
“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! … ‘” – Matthew 25:21 (NIV)
This compliment contains a significant lesson for us. It tells us what Jesus considers to be commendable.
If we want to get the greatest compliment of all from Jesus, there are some things we need to understand as His followers:
* Jesus is looking at and evaluating what we do with our lives. Notice that Jesus did not affirm the men with the compliment, “Well said!” or “Well thought!” or “Well intentioned!” No, He said, “Well done!” We cannot expect to hear these words “Well done!” from Jesus unless we have “done well!” Real faith changes our actions — what we do.
* Jesus is evaluating our attitude toward serving. Notice the last word of the compliment, “servant.” Both of the men who were affirmed by their master understood and fulfilled the highest call of all — the call to serve. They did not lived for their own interests, but lived for the interests of their master and others. To get the greatest compliment of all, we too must be servant-hearted. Serving must become our motivation and pleasure.
* Jesus is measuring the substance and quality of our character. We find two important words in the compliment the master gave to these men — words describing their character. These men had been “good and faithful.” The word Jesus used for “good”is the Greek word “agathos.” It speaks of many things including “rightness, moral virtue, kindness and generosity.” The word Jesus used for “faithful” is “pistos,” which refers to a person who can be counted on, someone who is consistently reliable; a trustworthy person who demonstrates integrity and loyalty in life responsibilities and relationships.
To qualify for the greatest compliment of all, the ultimate compliment from Jesus Himself, we too need to focus our attention and spiritual efforts on these things!
Pastor Dale
July 28, 2010
How Sharp Is Your Ax?
By Os Hillman
July 28
"If the ax is dull and its edge unsharpened, more strength is needed but skill will bring success" (Eccl 10:10).
Manufacturing companies live and die by the ability of its designers, engineers, and staff to bring new products to market quickly. Yet for many organizations, a team's capacity to turn promising ideas into new revenue is diminished because of fragmented business processes, a geographically dispersed workforce, and a lack of standards across the supply chain according to an industry expert on innovation in technology.
We live in an information age where the level of knowledge is increasing at warp speed. The way you did things two years ago may not be the same way you do it today. The knowledge you have two years ago may not be adequate to compete in the global marketplace today. Businesses have gone bankrupt because they were not willing to change with the times. Have you seen a Polaroid camera lately? Do you know someone over sixty years old who chose not to learn about computers? The world passes by such people because they are unwilling to "sharpen their ax."
God calls every workplace believer to model four key attributes: 1) Excellence, 2) Ethics and Integrity, 3) Extravagant Love and Service, and 4) Signs and Wonders.
The first quality of a Christian worker should be excellence. Excellence does not just mean the way we do our jobs, but it also means staying abreast of how we do our jobs. God desires to reveal His innovations in His creation. You will not compete in the marketplace today unless you make a commitment to stay abreast of innovation. This too is good stewardship.
How is your "workplace ax"? Does it need sharpening? What are the areas in your working life that need to be sharpened? What innovation is needed to insure that you will be the "head, not the tail" in your workplace calling? Begin today to evaluate action steps you may need to take to have a very sharp" ax.
By Os Hillman
July 28
"If the ax is dull and its edge unsharpened, more strength is needed but skill will bring success" (Eccl 10:10).
Manufacturing companies live and die by the ability of its designers, engineers, and staff to bring new products to market quickly. Yet for many organizations, a team's capacity to turn promising ideas into new revenue is diminished because of fragmented business processes, a geographically dispersed workforce, and a lack of standards across the supply chain according to an industry expert on innovation in technology.
We live in an information age where the level of knowledge is increasing at warp speed. The way you did things two years ago may not be the same way you do it today. The knowledge you have two years ago may not be adequate to compete in the global marketplace today. Businesses have gone bankrupt because they were not willing to change with the times. Have you seen a Polaroid camera lately? Do you know someone over sixty years old who chose not to learn about computers? The world passes by such people because they are unwilling to "sharpen their ax."
God calls every workplace believer to model four key attributes: 1) Excellence, 2) Ethics and Integrity, 3) Extravagant Love and Service, and 4) Signs and Wonders.
The first quality of a Christian worker should be excellence. Excellence does not just mean the way we do our jobs, but it also means staying abreast of how we do our jobs. God desires to reveal His innovations in His creation. You will not compete in the marketplace today unless you make a commitment to stay abreast of innovation. This too is good stewardship.
How is your "workplace ax"? Does it need sharpening? What are the areas in your working life that need to be sharpened? What innovation is needed to insure that you will be the "head, not the tail" in your workplace calling? Begin today to evaluate action steps you may need to take to have a very sharp" ax.
July 27, 2010
A Larger Life
Over the years I have discovered that most people share a common desire. It is a longing for significance. We want to believe that our life matters, that we are making a positive difference in the world, that we are truly fulfilling a purpose. Yet at the core of most of us are feelings of insignificance, smallness, and in some cases, sadly, worthlessness.
Unfortunately these feelings continually sabotage our hopes and dreams. They pull us into a world of self-focus, self-consciousness and fear. We want a larger life, but believe that we have been sentenced to smallness and insignificance. We become convinced that our life will never matter all that much. We settle for a shriveled existence. While we may achieve a level of personal success; materially, academically or professionally, there still exists a nagging, and perhaps even haunting sense of “littleness” about our life. This is a painful way to live.
How do we break out of such a mindset?
There is a great story in the Old Testament of a man who found freedom from this kind of pain. His name was Jabez. Take a look at how he broke out of smallness into a lager life of significance:
“Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez, saying, “I gave birth to him in pain.” Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, ‘Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.’ And God granted his request.” – 1 Chronicles 4:9, 10
The name “Jabez” means “pain,” or more literally, “You are a pain!” How would like to have a name like that? Every time Jabez’ name was called it reminded him of what his mom and others thought about him. His life had been condemned to smallness and insignificance from the day of his birth. This label had become a horrible prophecy over his life.
But one day Jabez decided that he had enough of this way of thinking and living. He heard about the God of Israel, a true and personal God who did wonderful things for people who dared to call on Him. That day Jabez prayed a prayer that was so incredible, so important, and so instructive for us that it was recorded for eternity in the pages of Scripture.
Jabez dared to ask God to make his life larger, to extend his limited life boundaries, to help him find significance, meaning and contribution. Somehow he became convinced that God could and would lift the restrictions on his life and free him from the pain he carried. And Jabez was not disappointed. Four amazing words end the recorded story of Jabez’ life, but what powerful words they are — ” … God granted his request.”
Are you feeling small and insignificant? The same God who enlarged Jabez’ life can and will enlarge your life, if you will turn to Him. Go ahead and pray the prayer of Jabez, and see what God will do for you!
Pastor Dale
Over the years I have discovered that most people share a common desire. It is a longing for significance. We want to believe that our life matters, that we are making a positive difference in the world, that we are truly fulfilling a purpose. Yet at the core of most of us are feelings of insignificance, smallness, and in some cases, sadly, worthlessness.
Unfortunately these feelings continually sabotage our hopes and dreams. They pull us into a world of self-focus, self-consciousness and fear. We want a larger life, but believe that we have been sentenced to smallness and insignificance. We become convinced that our life will never matter all that much. We settle for a shriveled existence. While we may achieve a level of personal success; materially, academically or professionally, there still exists a nagging, and perhaps even haunting sense of “littleness” about our life. This is a painful way to live.
How do we break out of such a mindset?
There is a great story in the Old Testament of a man who found freedom from this kind of pain. His name was Jabez. Take a look at how he broke out of smallness into a lager life of significance:
“Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez, saying, “I gave birth to him in pain.” Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, ‘Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.’ And God granted his request.” – 1 Chronicles 4:9, 10
The name “Jabez” means “pain,” or more literally, “You are a pain!” How would like to have a name like that? Every time Jabez’ name was called it reminded him of what his mom and others thought about him. His life had been condemned to smallness and insignificance from the day of his birth. This label had become a horrible prophecy over his life.
But one day Jabez decided that he had enough of this way of thinking and living. He heard about the God of Israel, a true and personal God who did wonderful things for people who dared to call on Him. That day Jabez prayed a prayer that was so incredible, so important, and so instructive for us that it was recorded for eternity in the pages of Scripture.
Jabez dared to ask God to make his life larger, to extend his limited life boundaries, to help him find significance, meaning and contribution. Somehow he became convinced that God could and would lift the restrictions on his life and free him from the pain he carried. And Jabez was not disappointed. Four amazing words end the recorded story of Jabez’ life, but what powerful words they are — ” … God granted his request.”
Are you feeling small and insignificant? The same God who enlarged Jabez’ life can and will enlarge your life, if you will turn to Him. Go ahead and pray the prayer of Jabez, and see what God will do for you!
Pastor Dale
July 26, 2010
The People and the Black Book
One church's attempt to do justly
Mark Buchanan
The Tswassen people live in the south end of Greater Vancouver, close to the upscale community named after them. They've been on this land, though much more of it, for thousands of years. Back in the day, they had free run of forest and ocean. They hunted and fished, carved their wooden art in fragrant cedar, wove their baskets, held their potlatches. They sang and danced their grief and joy, their welcome and warning, their coming and going.
Now, they're confined to a narrow wedge of land between the mudflats and an industrial park, and they rely on a casino for most of their income. Among them, there is a high incidence of suicide, alcoholism and drug abuse, teenage pregnancy and incest, domestic violence, and health issues of every kind.
The Tswassens have a prophecy 500 years old. One of their ancient holy men foretold that a people pale as birch would one day come from across the great water in large canoes. They would bring with them a Black Book. The Black Book was Truth, end to end, a gift of inestimable good. The people lived for many years awaiting the prophecy's fulfillment.
And then one day it happened. The big canoes— bigger than the Tswassens ever imagined—arrived. They teemed with people pale as birch. And, yes, they brought with them a Black Book.
Then the killings started. The Tswassens became an obstacle to the pale men, and the pale men slaughtered them, and those they didn't slaughter they enslaved.
Their story and mine
This is part of my history. In Canada, it's part of all of our histories. The stories are legion: every encounter between white and native people in our country (in North America, actually) involved deception, betrayal, empty promises, often violence. Almost every native community in our nation had dreams and visions of the white man's coming: all of them have stories of the nightmares and heartaches that followed.
A passage in Charles Frazier's novel 13 Moons sums it up well. The story is told by Will Cooper, orphaned at a young age and raised in the wilds of West Virginia by a Cherokee chief named Bear. Will narrates:
"Baptists convened an offer to render the Bible—or a least a few of its most striking episodes—into the syllabary and supply copies of it to the people. Bear wanted me to read him some of the book before he decided to accept the offer or not… . He liked the story of Job, especially God's pride in his own handiwork in creating all the animals and the varieties of landscape and weather … God's bragging about how well the nostrils of horses turned out struck Bear as some kind of truth about creation… . Also, the story of the expulsion from Eden got his full attention, though his most persistent question was how big I thought the snake was. In the end, he said he judged the Bible to be a sound book. Nevertheless, he wondered why the white people were not better than they are, having had it for so long. He promised that as soon as the white people achieved Christianity, he would recommend it to his own folks."
"As soon as the white people achieve Christianity." This has been my experience also with the people, whom in Canada we call the First Nations: they're intrigued by the Black Book, and drawn to the One it reveals, but they wonder why the white people are not better than they are, having had it for so long. Many First Nations people are so wary and hurt, wanting nothing more to do with the Black Book and its God, or the church that represents both.
There's a prophecy in the Black Book I've freshly discovered. I eagerly await its fulfillment, and am doing whatever I can, whatever I must, to hasten it. The prophecy is in Zechariah 8. It begins with a vision of what a community looks like when God reigns within it. But here's how the chapter ends, here is the vision's crescendo:
This is what the Lord Almighty says: "In those days ten men from all languages and nations will take firm hold of one Jew by the hem of his robe and say, 'Let us go with you, because we have heard that God is with you.'"
That's evangelism. Good news is embodied. It is a way of life, a thing plain for all to see. The evangelized, not the evangelists, do all the talking: "Let us go with you." The lost take the initiative. And the lost come from every tribe and tongue and nation.
This is the dream of every church—for God's life among us to be so obvious, so fragrant, so magnetic, so contagious, that all peoples clamor for the privilege of joining. Rather than having to teach our members how to "grab hold of people," people grab hold of us. Rather than us telling anyone "God is with us," they tell one another that.
All these things happen in those days, which refers to a promise God makes at the beginning of Zechariah 8: "This is what the Lord says: 'I will return to Zion and dwell in Jerusalem.' " Zechariah 8, then, is a description of what happens in, to, and through a church when God dwells in their midst.
Several things happen. Let me draw out two.
There's a renaming. "This is what the Lord Almighty says: 'Then Jerusalem will be called the City of Truth, and the mountain of the Lord Almighty will be called the Holy Mountain'" (Zech. 8:3). The very land is named anew.
City of Truth.
Holy Mountain.
Both the man-made and the God-made, civilization and creation, society and nature, are caught up and brought into the saving and healing work of God.
This has deep resonance where I live. The land is under dispute. When the British came here in the 1850s, they intended—indeed, their own laws required them—to pay for any land they took. This never happened in my region. It's a long and ignoble story, but the upshot is that today our city rests on land never purchased—land, in a word, that was stolen. The feelings on all sides of this issue run deep.
Throughout our region, our province, our country, names of cities and towns, rivers and regions, mountains and coves, tell the story. One mountain bears the name of a Coast Salish chief, another the name of some English lord. The islands scattered down our coastline are named for Indian princesses, Spanish Conquistadors, English explorers, Dutch settlers. The town I live in, Duncan, bears the name of a Scottish farmer, whereas the town next to us, Chemainus, is named after the tribal people who first lived there, whereas the city down the road, Victoria, carries the moniker of a British queen.
All these names have histories, and many are histories of violence, betrayal, rivalry, deceit, greed.
We're due for a renaming.
City of Truth. Holy Mountain. This isn't a new imperialism. It's not modern colonialism. As the last verse of Zechariah makes clear, this mountain, this city, is a place of irresistible attraction for people from every tribe and tongue and nation. No one is coerced. Everyone is drawn.
And it's their idea to rename the place. "Jerusalem will be called … The mountain will be called." The new names arise naturally. They are not imposed by decree: they are birthed out of the people's experience of God. That experience is so fresh, so real, so sweet, it begs for new language, language that does not invoke the names of settlers and conquerors and chiefs and tribes, language that doesn't participate in our painful human history of claims and counter-claims, of domination and subjugation, but rather language that evokes the qualities of God himself: Truth, Holiness. Language that awakens us every time we speak it to the God who makes all things new. Language that overlays our rent-asunder story with God's work-all-things-together-for-good one. Names that redeem our blood-soaked treacheries with his blood-soaked sacrifice.
We are due for a renaming.
There's a breaking of ethnic, cultural, and political divides through an inbreaking of the gospel. "This is what the Lord Almighty says: 'Many peoples and the inhabitants of many cities will yet come, and the inhabitants of one city will go to another and say, "Let us go at once to entreat the Lord and seek the Lord Almighty. I myself am going." And many peoples and powerful nations will come to Jerusalem to seek the Lord Almighty and to entreat him …. In those days ten men from all languages and nations will take firm hold of one Jew by the hem of his robe and say, "Let us go with you, because we have heard that God is with you."'" (Zech. 8:20-23).
Good News, the gospel, is for all nations. It's for all people. It embraces and welcomes all languages—Urdu speakers, and Inuit, and Norwegians, and remote tribes tucked in the folds of Burmese mountain jungles. It's for the homeless under the bridges of L.A., the untouchables in the streets of Calcutta, the drug-addicted in sweaty apartments not far from where you live. It's for rich people who live atop hills, and poor people who live in ditches. It's for the old man in his lonely room, the teenager girl struggling with her identity, the single mom wondering where the next meal's coming from, the salesman wondering if he can do this job another day, the celebrity wondering why being lavishly adored is not the same as being deeply loved. It's for the discouraged dentist, the confused mill-worker, the weary postman. It's for everyone, everywhere: Let us go at once to entreat the Lord and seek the Lord Almighty. I myself am going.
This is evangelism Bible-style. This is evangelism that is cross-cultural, trans-political, multi-ethnic, intergenerational, class-defying, and wildly bountiful.
And natural. No one strategizes this. No one takes classes for this. It's just that a people who live with God in their midst evoke, simply and powerfully, far and wide, curiosity about God. A community like that makes others envious in the best sense: they want what we have (Rom. 11:13-14). When God's ways become our ways, we become catnip to the world. The fragrance of Jesus is all over us.
But stop.
God asks us to do something before he releases any of this—the renaming, our becoming a light to the nations.
He asks us to do justly.
"This is what the Lord Almighty says: … These are the things you are to do: Speak the truth to each other, and render true and sound judgment in your courts; do not plot evil against your neighbor, and do not love to swear falsely. I hate all this,' declares the Lord" (Zech. 8:14-17).
A crucial shift in Zechariah 8 happens midway through. It's announced by the phrase, "These are the things you are to do." Up until this moment, Zechariah 8 has been a litany of things God promises to do. Right after this moment, it continues with things God promises to do. But inserted in the middle of the prophecy is something God requires us to do.
Act justly.
God hates injustice. He hates deceit. Unless we deal fairly and honestly with one another, unless we have a bone-deep commitment to justice and truth, all the good God intends to do for us and through us gets undone by us.
This has painful implications for me. I live, as I've already said, on stolen ground. I live in the shadow of Residential Schools. The first settlers in our region took the land from the Cowichan people and never paid for it, even though British law required from the beginning that they must. The next generation took the Cowichan children, and their language, and their culture, and their innocence. The history here is a study in bad faith: not speaking "the truth to each other," not rendering "true and sound judgment in [our] courts," "plotting evil against [our] neighbor," loving "to swear falsely."
We did all the things the Lord hates.
He's asking us now to do otherwise.
I spoke recently at a local event called "The Gathering," a conference for First Nations Christians. A few of us white folk were invited to come along. I was, for once, part of a white minority. It was refreshing to worship the Lord God alongside Cowichan and Cree, Sioux and Lakota, Pennelekut and Squamish, Ojibwa and Carrier, and many more, but to do so in a style that incorporated the dances and drums, the chants and war whoops, the regalia and headdresses, of indigenous people.
It was, in a word, beautiful.
I spoke on Zechariah 8. I confessed that I was part of a people who have done that which God hates. I said I was prayerfully struggling to know what to do next, how to undo what had been done. I said I was committed to finding out.
Then I used the story of Zacchaeus, Jericho's runty chief tax-collector, a man despised by his community but loved by Jesus. When Jesus enters his house, announcing salvation, Zacchaeus repents: "Look here, Lord! Here and now I give half my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anyone out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount" (Luke 19:8).
Zacchaeus, I said, was converted first and most dramatically at the point where his actions had caused the most harm. A thief became, ex nihilo, a benefactor. A greedy taker became a lavish giver. If Zacchaeus hadn't changed here, and for all to see, no one would believe salvation had come to his house, or would care if it came to theirs.
As soon as Zacchaeus had experienced salvation, he could recommend it to other folks.
God hates injustice and deceit. unless we have a bone-deep commitment to justice and truth, all the good god intends for us gets undone by us.
"It must be hard for you," I said to the First Nations people, "to believe that salvation has come to my house when I refuse to repent of behavior that's harmed you deeply. It must be hard to believe the Bible and its Good News when white people have had it for so long but don't seem any better for it."
Right after I spoke, a woman from the Cowichan tribe (my tribe, I like to call them now) told her story of being physically and sexually abused as a child in a nearby Residential School. She spoke without bitterness or accusation. In fact, she only told the story of her pain so that she could tell the story of her joy: how Christ was redeeming and reclaiming and healing her in mind, body, and spirit.
But the room was heavy when she finished. The white pastor got up, overcome with emotion, and said she was sorry.
"I'm not apologizing because I was involved in what happened to you," she said. "I'm apologizing because I wasn't involved. Because, even when I knew terrible things were happening in those schools, I still did nothing."
Then the pastor said, "If you are white and you want to join me in apologizing, I simply ask that you stand."
I stood. All the white people stood.
We were completely unprepared for what happened next. The First Nations people began to weep. Then their weeping turned to sobbing. And then their sobbing turned to wailing. It was piercing. I felt the shame of all the wrongs my forebears had committed. I felt the shame of all the ways I, though not involved personally, had been personally uninvolved. Apathetic. Not wanting to know and, once knowing, wishing they'd just "get over it."
The wailing continued, got deeper, got louder.
When I could bear it no longer, an older First Nations woman—a chief of her tribe—came to the front, took the microphone, and said, "I do not want those of you who are standing to carry the weight of this. I forgive you. On behalf of my people, we forgive you."
Peace like a river swept over me, and I wept.
Journey to justice
As I write this, a team at our church is preparing—has been for months—an event called The Journey of the Living. It will kick off Aboriginal Month for our entire community. The church will lead the way.
The Journey is the dream of Jenny Martin, a Cowichan Elder who met Jesus in our church three years ago and who longs for all her people to meet him. But she knows, personally, the hurdles involved for her people: the pain, the suspicion,the anger. We're working to shape something that will begin the healing, for all involved. The Journey will incorporate Cowichan protocols—songs and ceremonies of witnessing and honoring.
But the heart of it will be six people, all First Nation, telling their stories. I've heard most of the stories already, and I'm bracing to hear them a second time. I'm thinking of Elmer, who will tell about the Residential School he was forced to attend as a boy. There, he was raped repeatedly, and beaten often, by nuns and priests who also told him Jesus loved him.
That story is depressingly typical.
Our dream is that Elmer, and Delmar, and Shawna, and Bingo, and the eight Cowichan Elders and many Cowichan witnesses who will attend, will meet the Jesus whom Jenny and Jason (Jenny's biological son who also attends our church, but that's a whole other story) have met and fallen in love with.
We hope to give them the Black Book, and for them to see that it's full of Truth, end to end.
But hoping all this, we also know God requires us to do justly. We know that until we achieve Christianity, it's hard to recommend it to other folks.
Mark Buchanan pastor of New Life Community Church in Duncan, British Columbia, and a contributing editor of Leadership.
1. Residential Schools were a 100-year collaboration between the Canadian government and three Christian denominations to provide Aboriginal children with education on the British model. Some delivered admirably. Others failed miserably: tragic stories of the powerful abusing the vulnerable are legion. Most First Nations people had no choice about whether or not their children would attend.
Copyright © 2010 by the author or Christianity Today International/Leadership Journal.
One church's attempt to do justly
Mark Buchanan
The Tswassen people live in the south end of Greater Vancouver, close to the upscale community named after them. They've been on this land, though much more of it, for thousands of years. Back in the day, they had free run of forest and ocean. They hunted and fished, carved their wooden art in fragrant cedar, wove their baskets, held their potlatches. They sang and danced their grief and joy, their welcome and warning, their coming and going.
Now, they're confined to a narrow wedge of land between the mudflats and an industrial park, and they rely on a casino for most of their income. Among them, there is a high incidence of suicide, alcoholism and drug abuse, teenage pregnancy and incest, domestic violence, and health issues of every kind.
The Tswassens have a prophecy 500 years old. One of their ancient holy men foretold that a people pale as birch would one day come from across the great water in large canoes. They would bring with them a Black Book. The Black Book was Truth, end to end, a gift of inestimable good. The people lived for many years awaiting the prophecy's fulfillment.
And then one day it happened. The big canoes— bigger than the Tswassens ever imagined—arrived. They teemed with people pale as birch. And, yes, they brought with them a Black Book.
Then the killings started. The Tswassens became an obstacle to the pale men, and the pale men slaughtered them, and those they didn't slaughter they enslaved.
Their story and mine
This is part of my history. In Canada, it's part of all of our histories. The stories are legion: every encounter between white and native people in our country (in North America, actually) involved deception, betrayal, empty promises, often violence. Almost every native community in our nation had dreams and visions of the white man's coming: all of them have stories of the nightmares and heartaches that followed.
A passage in Charles Frazier's novel 13 Moons sums it up well. The story is told by Will Cooper, orphaned at a young age and raised in the wilds of West Virginia by a Cherokee chief named Bear. Will narrates:
"Baptists convened an offer to render the Bible—or a least a few of its most striking episodes—into the syllabary and supply copies of it to the people. Bear wanted me to read him some of the book before he decided to accept the offer or not… . He liked the story of Job, especially God's pride in his own handiwork in creating all the animals and the varieties of landscape and weather … God's bragging about how well the nostrils of horses turned out struck Bear as some kind of truth about creation… . Also, the story of the expulsion from Eden got his full attention, though his most persistent question was how big I thought the snake was. In the end, he said he judged the Bible to be a sound book. Nevertheless, he wondered why the white people were not better than they are, having had it for so long. He promised that as soon as the white people achieved Christianity, he would recommend it to his own folks."
"As soon as the white people achieve Christianity." This has been my experience also with the people, whom in Canada we call the First Nations: they're intrigued by the Black Book, and drawn to the One it reveals, but they wonder why the white people are not better than they are, having had it for so long. Many First Nations people are so wary and hurt, wanting nothing more to do with the Black Book and its God, or the church that represents both.
There's a prophecy in the Black Book I've freshly discovered. I eagerly await its fulfillment, and am doing whatever I can, whatever I must, to hasten it. The prophecy is in Zechariah 8. It begins with a vision of what a community looks like when God reigns within it. But here's how the chapter ends, here is the vision's crescendo:
This is what the Lord Almighty says: "In those days ten men from all languages and nations will take firm hold of one Jew by the hem of his robe and say, 'Let us go with you, because we have heard that God is with you.'"
That's evangelism. Good news is embodied. It is a way of life, a thing plain for all to see. The evangelized, not the evangelists, do all the talking: "Let us go with you." The lost take the initiative. And the lost come from every tribe and tongue and nation.
This is the dream of every church—for God's life among us to be so obvious, so fragrant, so magnetic, so contagious, that all peoples clamor for the privilege of joining. Rather than having to teach our members how to "grab hold of people," people grab hold of us. Rather than us telling anyone "God is with us," they tell one another that.
All these things happen in those days, which refers to a promise God makes at the beginning of Zechariah 8: "This is what the Lord says: 'I will return to Zion and dwell in Jerusalem.' " Zechariah 8, then, is a description of what happens in, to, and through a church when God dwells in their midst.
Several things happen. Let me draw out two.
There's a renaming. "This is what the Lord Almighty says: 'Then Jerusalem will be called the City of Truth, and the mountain of the Lord Almighty will be called the Holy Mountain'" (Zech. 8:3). The very land is named anew.
City of Truth.
Holy Mountain.
Both the man-made and the God-made, civilization and creation, society and nature, are caught up and brought into the saving and healing work of God.
This has deep resonance where I live. The land is under dispute. When the British came here in the 1850s, they intended—indeed, their own laws required them—to pay for any land they took. This never happened in my region. It's a long and ignoble story, but the upshot is that today our city rests on land never purchased—land, in a word, that was stolen. The feelings on all sides of this issue run deep.
Throughout our region, our province, our country, names of cities and towns, rivers and regions, mountains and coves, tell the story. One mountain bears the name of a Coast Salish chief, another the name of some English lord. The islands scattered down our coastline are named for Indian princesses, Spanish Conquistadors, English explorers, Dutch settlers. The town I live in, Duncan, bears the name of a Scottish farmer, whereas the town next to us, Chemainus, is named after the tribal people who first lived there, whereas the city down the road, Victoria, carries the moniker of a British queen.
All these names have histories, and many are histories of violence, betrayal, rivalry, deceit, greed.
We're due for a renaming.
City of Truth. Holy Mountain. This isn't a new imperialism. It's not modern colonialism. As the last verse of Zechariah makes clear, this mountain, this city, is a place of irresistible attraction for people from every tribe and tongue and nation. No one is coerced. Everyone is drawn.
And it's their idea to rename the place. "Jerusalem will be called … The mountain will be called." The new names arise naturally. They are not imposed by decree: they are birthed out of the people's experience of God. That experience is so fresh, so real, so sweet, it begs for new language, language that does not invoke the names of settlers and conquerors and chiefs and tribes, language that doesn't participate in our painful human history of claims and counter-claims, of domination and subjugation, but rather language that evokes the qualities of God himself: Truth, Holiness. Language that awakens us every time we speak it to the God who makes all things new. Language that overlays our rent-asunder story with God's work-all-things-together-for-good one. Names that redeem our blood-soaked treacheries with his blood-soaked sacrifice.
We are due for a renaming.
There's a breaking of ethnic, cultural, and political divides through an inbreaking of the gospel. "This is what the Lord Almighty says: 'Many peoples and the inhabitants of many cities will yet come, and the inhabitants of one city will go to another and say, "Let us go at once to entreat the Lord and seek the Lord Almighty. I myself am going." And many peoples and powerful nations will come to Jerusalem to seek the Lord Almighty and to entreat him …. In those days ten men from all languages and nations will take firm hold of one Jew by the hem of his robe and say, "Let us go with you, because we have heard that God is with you."'" (Zech. 8:20-23).
Good News, the gospel, is for all nations. It's for all people. It embraces and welcomes all languages—Urdu speakers, and Inuit, and Norwegians, and remote tribes tucked in the folds of Burmese mountain jungles. It's for the homeless under the bridges of L.A., the untouchables in the streets of Calcutta, the drug-addicted in sweaty apartments not far from where you live. It's for rich people who live atop hills, and poor people who live in ditches. It's for the old man in his lonely room, the teenager girl struggling with her identity, the single mom wondering where the next meal's coming from, the salesman wondering if he can do this job another day, the celebrity wondering why being lavishly adored is not the same as being deeply loved. It's for the discouraged dentist, the confused mill-worker, the weary postman. It's for everyone, everywhere: Let us go at once to entreat the Lord and seek the Lord Almighty. I myself am going.
This is evangelism Bible-style. This is evangelism that is cross-cultural, trans-political, multi-ethnic, intergenerational, class-defying, and wildly bountiful.
And natural. No one strategizes this. No one takes classes for this. It's just that a people who live with God in their midst evoke, simply and powerfully, far and wide, curiosity about God. A community like that makes others envious in the best sense: they want what we have (Rom. 11:13-14). When God's ways become our ways, we become catnip to the world. The fragrance of Jesus is all over us.
But stop.
God asks us to do something before he releases any of this—the renaming, our becoming a light to the nations.
He asks us to do justly.
"This is what the Lord Almighty says: … These are the things you are to do: Speak the truth to each other, and render true and sound judgment in your courts; do not plot evil against your neighbor, and do not love to swear falsely. I hate all this,' declares the Lord" (Zech. 8:14-17).
A crucial shift in Zechariah 8 happens midway through. It's announced by the phrase, "These are the things you are to do." Up until this moment, Zechariah 8 has been a litany of things God promises to do. Right after this moment, it continues with things God promises to do. But inserted in the middle of the prophecy is something God requires us to do.
Act justly.
God hates injustice. He hates deceit. Unless we deal fairly and honestly with one another, unless we have a bone-deep commitment to justice and truth, all the good God intends to do for us and through us gets undone by us.
This has painful implications for me. I live, as I've already said, on stolen ground. I live in the shadow of Residential Schools. The first settlers in our region took the land from the Cowichan people and never paid for it, even though British law required from the beginning that they must. The next generation took the Cowichan children, and their language, and their culture, and their innocence. The history here is a study in bad faith: not speaking "the truth to each other," not rendering "true and sound judgment in [our] courts," "plotting evil against [our] neighbor," loving "to swear falsely."
We did all the things the Lord hates.
He's asking us now to do otherwise.
I spoke recently at a local event called "The Gathering," a conference for First Nations Christians. A few of us white folk were invited to come along. I was, for once, part of a white minority. It was refreshing to worship the Lord God alongside Cowichan and Cree, Sioux and Lakota, Pennelekut and Squamish, Ojibwa and Carrier, and many more, but to do so in a style that incorporated the dances and drums, the chants and war whoops, the regalia and headdresses, of indigenous people.
It was, in a word, beautiful.
I spoke on Zechariah 8. I confessed that I was part of a people who have done that which God hates. I said I was prayerfully struggling to know what to do next, how to undo what had been done. I said I was committed to finding out.
Then I used the story of Zacchaeus, Jericho's runty chief tax-collector, a man despised by his community but loved by Jesus. When Jesus enters his house, announcing salvation, Zacchaeus repents: "Look here, Lord! Here and now I give half my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anyone out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount" (Luke 19:8).
Zacchaeus, I said, was converted first and most dramatically at the point where his actions had caused the most harm. A thief became, ex nihilo, a benefactor. A greedy taker became a lavish giver. If Zacchaeus hadn't changed here, and for all to see, no one would believe salvation had come to his house, or would care if it came to theirs.
As soon as Zacchaeus had experienced salvation, he could recommend it to other folks.
God hates injustice and deceit. unless we have a bone-deep commitment to justice and truth, all the good god intends for us gets undone by us.
"It must be hard for you," I said to the First Nations people, "to believe that salvation has come to my house when I refuse to repent of behavior that's harmed you deeply. It must be hard to believe the Bible and its Good News when white people have had it for so long but don't seem any better for it."
Right after I spoke, a woman from the Cowichan tribe (my tribe, I like to call them now) told her story of being physically and sexually abused as a child in a nearby Residential School. She spoke without bitterness or accusation. In fact, she only told the story of her pain so that she could tell the story of her joy: how Christ was redeeming and reclaiming and healing her in mind, body, and spirit.
But the room was heavy when she finished. The white pastor got up, overcome with emotion, and said she was sorry.
"I'm not apologizing because I was involved in what happened to you," she said. "I'm apologizing because I wasn't involved. Because, even when I knew terrible things were happening in those schools, I still did nothing."
Then the pastor said, "If you are white and you want to join me in apologizing, I simply ask that you stand."
I stood. All the white people stood.
We were completely unprepared for what happened next. The First Nations people began to weep. Then their weeping turned to sobbing. And then their sobbing turned to wailing. It was piercing. I felt the shame of all the wrongs my forebears had committed. I felt the shame of all the ways I, though not involved personally, had been personally uninvolved. Apathetic. Not wanting to know and, once knowing, wishing they'd just "get over it."
The wailing continued, got deeper, got louder.
When I could bear it no longer, an older First Nations woman—a chief of her tribe—came to the front, took the microphone, and said, "I do not want those of you who are standing to carry the weight of this. I forgive you. On behalf of my people, we forgive you."
Peace like a river swept over me, and I wept.
Journey to justice
As I write this, a team at our church is preparing—has been for months—an event called The Journey of the Living. It will kick off Aboriginal Month for our entire community. The church will lead the way.
The Journey is the dream of Jenny Martin, a Cowichan Elder who met Jesus in our church three years ago and who longs for all her people to meet him. But she knows, personally, the hurdles involved for her people: the pain, the suspicion,the anger. We're working to shape something that will begin the healing, for all involved. The Journey will incorporate Cowichan protocols—songs and ceremonies of witnessing and honoring.
But the heart of it will be six people, all First Nation, telling their stories. I've heard most of the stories already, and I'm bracing to hear them a second time. I'm thinking of Elmer, who will tell about the Residential School he was forced to attend as a boy. There, he was raped repeatedly, and beaten often, by nuns and priests who also told him Jesus loved him.
That story is depressingly typical.
Our dream is that Elmer, and Delmar, and Shawna, and Bingo, and the eight Cowichan Elders and many Cowichan witnesses who will attend, will meet the Jesus whom Jenny and Jason (Jenny's biological son who also attends our church, but that's a whole other story) have met and fallen in love with.
We hope to give them the Black Book, and for them to see that it's full of Truth, end to end.
But hoping all this, we also know God requires us to do justly. We know that until we achieve Christianity, it's hard to recommend it to other folks.
Mark Buchanan pastor of New Life Community Church in Duncan, British Columbia, and a contributing editor of Leadership.
1. Residential Schools were a 100-year collaboration between the Canadian government and three Christian denominations to provide Aboriginal children with education on the British model. Some delivered admirably. Others failed miserably: tragic stories of the powerful abusing the vulnerable are legion. Most First Nations people had no choice about whether or not their children would attend.
Copyright © 2010 by the author or Christianity Today International/Leadership Journal.
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